Official Louisiana Chat Thread (tornadoes, safe, bike)

[Rainbow Island]

Originally Posted by gdude

Hello.


How are you guys tonight?

I'm good but the weather is bad. Our tornado horn is going off right now.

[Future Trooper]

That doesnt sound good. take shelter and hopefully the storm will pass without incident.

[Rainbow Island]

Originally Posted by gdude

That doesnt sound good. take shelter and hopefully the storm will pass without incident.

OK, false alarm I guess. the radar shows it's passed us.

[Rainbow Island]

An elderly man in Texas had owned a large farm
> for several years.
>
> He had a beautiful large pond at the back of the
> property next to the road,
> and he'd fixed it up real nice with picnic
> tables, horseshoe pits, and he'd
> planted some nice flowers and fruit trees next to
> the pond.
>
> One evening the old farmer decided to go down to
> the pond to look it over,as
> he hadn't been down there for a while. He grabbed
> a five-gallon bucket to
> bring back some fruit.
>
> As he neared the pond, he heard splashing and
> female voices shouting and
> laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw that
> 5 young women had parked
> their car at the side of the road, climbed the
> fence and were skinny-dipping
> in his pond. He made the women aware of his
> presence and they all went
> hurriedly splashing to the deep end.
>
> One of the women shouted to him, 'We're naked and
> we're not coming out until
> you leave!' The old man frowned and yelled back,
> 'I didn't come down here to
> watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out
> of the pond.'
>
> Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm just here to
> feed the alligator.'
>
> Old men can still think fast.

[Rainbow Island]

A man died and went to heaven. As
he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw
a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, 'What are
all those clocks?'

St. Peter answered,
'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock.

Every time you lie
the hands on your clock will move.'

'Oh,' said the man,
'whose clock is that?'

'That's Mother
Teresa's. The hands have never moved,
indicating that she never told a
lie.'

'Incredible,' said
the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'

St. Peter responded,
'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands
have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his
entire life.'

'Where's President
Obama's clock?' asked the man.

'Obama's clock is in
Jesus' office.

He's using it as a
ceiling fan.

[Rainbow Island]

Subject: My new exercise routine







Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program
and have a spotter present!



SCROLL DOWN.............































































NOW SCROLL UP..
That's enough for the first day. Great
job.

[Rainbow Island]

HAVING MOM OVER FOR DINNER[SIZE=2]

You don't even have to be a mother to enjoy this one...


Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the
meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's
roommate, Jennifer, was. Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a
relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more
curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met
[/SIZE][SIZE=2][/SIZE][SIZE=2]the eye.[/SIZE][SIZE=2]

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, 'I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, 'Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the
beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do
you?'

Brian said, 'Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to
be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

__________________________________________________ __________________________
_____________________________________________
Dear Mom,

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the gravy ladle from the house.
[/SIZE][SIZE=2][/SIZE][SIZE=2]I'm not saying that you 'did not' take the gravy ladle.[/SIZE][SIZE=2]
But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were
here for dinner.

Love, Brian


__________________________________________________ __________________________
_______________________________________________

Several days later, Brian received an email back from his mother
that read:

__________________________________________________ __________________________
_________________



Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Jennifer.

I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Jennifer.
But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed,
she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom
[/SIZE]

[Homesick4Home]

dang it, I finally get the chance to get over here and see whats going on and rainbow has us doing excercises.. whew, pant pant, whew, time for a tall cool glass of sweet tea.. have to go back and read all the funnies..
I am way behind. so catch me up whatcha all been up to? good or bad?

[stacieberry]

Originally Posted by Homesick4Home

dang it, I finally get the chance to get over here and see whats going on and rainbow has us doing excercises.. whew, pant pant, whew, time for a tall cool glass of sweet tea.. have to go back and read all the funnies..
I am way behind. so catch me up whatcha all been up to? good or bad?

You know me I have been good....at being bad! LOL how are you?

[Gypsyrhydyr]

Hello all from Alaska! Here's one from my old home state of Texas.

Cohones De Toro...

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"

The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on vacation down here! Bring me an order!"

The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy"!

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins."