Official Louisiana Chat Thread (Maurice: island, weather, driving)

[Rainbow Island]

Old Love
>>
>>
>>
>> A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.
>>
>> He throws the kite up in the air, the wind
>>
>> catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to
>> earth.
>>
>> He tries this a few more times with no success.
>>
>> All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window,
>>
>> muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
>>
>> She opens the window and yells to her husband,
>>
>> 'You need a piece of tail.'
>>
>> The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,
>>
>> 'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.

[Rainbow Island]

Sorry, kinda long.

You think English is easy??? Read to the end . . . A new twist

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce .
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row ...
13) They were t oo close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Gui nea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese.

So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick'?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy th is . There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends.

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP. When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so........it is time to shut UP!

[SIZE=2]Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night? U-P [/SIZE]

[Rainbow Island]

CAR KEYS FOR AN EMERGENCY
> >
>
> Very interesting and clever idea!
>
> >
>
> PUT YOUR CAR KEYS BESIDE YOUR BED AT NIGHT
> Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your
> parents, your Dr.'s
> Office, the check out girl at the market, everyone you
> run across. Put your
> car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise
> outside your home or
> someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic
> button for your car.
> The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to
> sound until either
> you turn it off or the car battery dies.
> This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next
> time you come home
> for the night and you start to put your keys away, think
> of this:
> It's a security alarm system that you probably already
> have and requires no
> installation. Test it. It will go off from most
> everywhere inside your house
> and will keep honking until your battery runs down or
> until you reset it
> with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park
> in your driveway or
> garage.
> If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break
> in your house,
> odds are the burglar/rapist won't stick around...
> after a few seconds all the
> neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is
> out there and sure
> enough the criminal won't want that!
> And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car
> in a parking lot.
> The alarm can work the same way there. This is something
> that should really
> be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or
> prevent a sexual
> assault.
> My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys
> with him in case
> he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can
> activate the car alarm and
> then she'll know there's a problem.
>
> P.S. I am sending this to everyone I know because I think
> it is fantastic.
> It would also be useful for any emergency, such as a
> heart attack, where you
> can't reach a phone.

[stacieberry]

Originally Posted by Rainbow Island

CAR KEYS FOR AN EMERGENCY
> >
>
> Very interesting and clever idea!
>
> >
>
> PUT YOUR CAR KEYS BESIDE YOUR BED AT NIGHT
> Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your
> parents, your Dr.'s
> Office, the check out girl at the market, everyone you
> run across. Put your
> car keys beside your bed at night. If you hear a noise
> outside your home or
> someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic
> button for your car.
> The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to
> sound until either
> you turn it off or the car battery dies.
> This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next
> time you come home
> for the night and you start to put your keys away, think
> of this:
> It's a security alarm system that you probably already
> have and requires no
> installation. Test it. It will go off from most
> everywhere inside your house
> and will keep honking until your battery runs down or
> until you reset it
> with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park
> in your driveway or
> garage.
> If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break
> in your house,
> odds are the burglar/rapist won't stick around...
> after a few seconds all the
> neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is
> out there and sure
> enough the criminal won't want that!
> And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car
> in a parking lot.
> The alarm can work the same way there. This is something
> that should really
> be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or
> prevent a sexual
> assault.
> My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys
> with him in case
> he falls outside and she doesn't hear him. He can
> activate the car alarm and
> then she'll know there's a problem.
>
> P.S. I am sending this to everyone I know because I think
> it is fantastic.
> It would also be useful for any emergency, such as a
> heart attack, where you
> can't reach a phone.

This is a good idea! I mean I am home alone 90% of the time.

[stacieberry]

After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office."Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck.""Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."

[Homesick4Home]

hdwell, love dem dare Boud jokes.. giggles..giggles.. giggles..
Rainbow, sorry thought you might be lurking last night.. won't let another one get going without ya!

Love the vicks facts.. the putting on the feet works great.. used in nov when I caught the flu.
Good Morning Ya'll.

[stacieberry]

Originally Posted by Homesick4Home

Rainbow, sorry thought you might be lurking last night.. won't let another one get going without ya!
Good Morning Ya'll.

First of all your morning starts awful late! LOL but good morning to you too! And why can we not have anymore parties with out Rainbow? We just want tell him! LOL

[Homesick4Home]

stacieberry, giggles giggles... hung him up to dry, giggles..
rainbow, great idea about keeping keys by the bed..

[Homesick4Home]

Old Boudreaux died and went to the pearly gates. St. Pete was just waiting for him to get there. When they met up, St. Pete said, "Whoa, Boudreaux, I can't let you pass through the gates until you answer three questions." Old educated Boudreaux say, "Go ahead, St. Pete, give me your best shot," St. Pete say, "O.K., Boudreaux, question number one. How many seconds do they have in a year?" Boudreaux say, "Aw, that's easy, St. Pete, twelve." St. Pete say, "Boudreaux, how did you get twelve?" Boudreaux say, "Jan second, Feb second, etc." St. Pete say, "Boudreaux, that's not quite what I'm looking for, but I'll let you slide. Question number two. How many days do they have in a week?" Boudreaux say, "That's easy, St. Pete, two." St. Pete say, "Boudreaux, where you get two from?" Boudreaux say, "Today and tomorrow." St. Pete say, "Boudreaux, that's not quite what I'm looking for. Now Boudreaux, this last question you have to get it right or I can't let you into heaven. Who is our father?" Boudreaux say, "That's easy, St. Pete, Howard." St. Pete say, "Where did you get Howard from, Boudreaux?" "Our father who art in heaven, Howard be thy name.

[Homesick4Home]

When Boudreaux got home yesterday, Clotile ran out to him saying, "The car got water in the carburetor!" "How you know that, you?" "Cause it's parked in the Bayou!"