Need some thoughts with my moving dilemma (Portland, Eastport: house, college)

[raygabs]

Hi everyone! I have been contemplating putting this out there for a while so I'm just going to do it. I want very much to move to Maine - it's just the place that tugs at my heart. However, I have some issues. I have stepchildren that are from NY. One is in college in NY and the other is in college in Va. I can't be sure but I think they are most likely to live in the NY,NJ,Ct area when they graduate since that's where most of their family lives. Northern parts of Maine are just too far of a drive(although probably what I would pick if it were a perfect world)....we live 15 hrs from NJ now and we feel that's too much. I need to be where the air quality is good and relatively near the ocean due to my husband and daughter's allergies and asthma. So now I'm not sure if Maine is the answer...although Portland is what? a 5 -6 hr drive from NY. That beats 15 hrs. I am also thinking that you never know where kids will wind up so how can I plan where I'm going to live based on them at this point? One more dilemma is that my mom lives down the street from me. She moved to be closer to me. I feel awful for leaving her. Our relationship has always been strained and I really feel that I can't handle the drama that living near her presents (you'd have to know her). I love her , she's my mom, but she's difficult to get along with. I have 3 other brothers and sisters (2 in NY and 1 in CA) , I think we all have the same feeling. Want to be able to visit but not be THAT close. That sounds so mean but I am not a meanie, really. So that's it in a nutshell. There is nothing wrong with where I live now...most times I love it here. It is a great town. I don't like southern winters but mostly it's great. Living here means my daughter will be on steroidal inhalers for many years at least. You know I probably will be done renovating our house by spring. Isn't that so true what they say about once you finally fix up your house...it's time to move! Thanks for any input you can give. You guys are the best and I am open for the truth..you won't hurt my feelings.Really.

[dramamama6685]

Originally Posted by raygabs

Hi everyone! I have been contemplating putting this out there for a while so I'm just going to do it. I want very much to move to Maine - it's just the place that tugs at my heart. However, I have some issues. I have stepchildren that are from NY. One is in college in NY and the other is in college in Va. I can't be sure but I think they are most likely to live in the NY,NJ,Ct area when they graduate since that's where most of their family lives. Northern parts of Maine are just too far of a drive(although probably what I would pick if it were a perfect world)....we live 15 hrs from NJ now and we feel that's too much. I need to be where the air quality is good and relatively near the ocean due to my husband and daughter's allergies and asthma. So now I'm not sure if Maine is the answer...although Portland is what? a 5 -6 hr drive from NY. That beats 15 hrs. I am also thinking that you never know where kids will wind up so how can I plan where I'm going to live based on them at this point? One more dilemma is that my mom lives down the street from me. She moved to be closer to me. I feel awful for leaving her. Our relationship has always been strained and I really feel that I can't handle the drama that living near her presents (you'd have to know her). I love her , she's my mom, but she's difficult to get along with. I have 3 other brothers and sisters (2 in NY and 1 in CA) , I think we all have the same feeling. Want to be able to visit but not be THAT close. That sounds so mean but I am not a meanie, really. So that's it in a nutshell. There is nothing wrong with where I live now...most times I love it here. It is a great town. I don't like southern winters but mostly it's great. Living here means my daughter will be on steroidal inhalers for many years at least. You know I probably will be done renovating our house by spring. Isn't that so true what they say about once you finally fix up your house...it's time to move! Thanks for any input you can give. You guys are the best and I am open for the truth..you won't hurt my feelings.Really.

Definitely don't feel bad about moving away from Mom. I moved just far enough away that I can get there in 30 minutes with no traffic. One sister moved to Florida and 2 others are within 10 minutes. Your siblings won't think any worse of you as they aren't close now. You have to follow your heart and do what is best for the members of your family.

I have allergies though not as severe as your daughter's, and couldn't beleive how they didn't bother me in Maine. Had a sinus headache going by the time we hit our front door after our trip up.

[raygabs]

Originally Posted by dramamama6685

Definitely don't feel bad about moving away from Mom. I moved just far enough away that I can get there in 30 minutes with no traffic. One sister moved to Florida and 2 others are within 10 minutes. Your siblings won't think any worse of you as they aren't close now. You have to follow your heart and do what is best for the members of your family.

I have allergies though not as severe as your daughter's, and couldn't beleive how they didn't bother me in Maine. Had a sinus headache going by the time we hit our front door after our trip up.

Thanks for the reply, where in Maine did you visit?

[dramamama6685]

Originally Posted by raygabs

Thanks for the reply, where in Maine did you visit?

Eastport. It's the eastermost city in the US. Just keep going up the coast and stop right before you drive into the water...then you are in Eastport.

[raygabs]

Originally Posted by dramamama6685

Eastport. It's the eastermost city in the US. Just keep going up the coast and stop right before you drive into the water...then you are in Eastport.

Wow, I just checked that on mapquest...you were really up there! Probably was gorgeous...(sigh)

[mollysmiles]

Originally Posted by dramamama6685

Eastport. It's the eastermost city in the US. Just keep going up the coast and stop right before you drive into the water...then you are in Eastport.

nicely put! we will definitely get together next time you're here!

[dramamama6685]

Originally Posted by mollysmiles

nicely put! we will definitely get together next time you're here!

Raygabs:
It was beautiful. I will have a link to our slide show of Maine pics in the photos of Maine thread soon.

Mollysmiles:

Woxy and I were so looking forward to meeting you, but our timing was bad as usual. However, we most likely will not visit again until our daughter is done with college as we just can't afford the extra expenditure...sigh..this makes us so sad. I'm already homesick for Maine.

[raygabs]

Originally Posted by dramamama6685

Raygabs:
It was beautiful. I will have a link to our slide show of Maine pics in the photos of Maine thread soon.

Mollysmiles:

Woxy and I were so looking forward to meeting you, but our timing was bad as usual. However, we most likely will not visit again until our daughter is done with college as we just can't afford the extra expenditure...sigh..this makes us so sad. I'm already homesick for Maine.

Great can't wait to see the pics! I understand wanting to be somewhere that you can't be at the moment. Life will get in the way and before you know it you'll be back in Maine.

[mollysmiles]

ray, I don't envy your dilemma at all, you've got a lot to consider. First off, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that about the kids. You never know where they're going to settle, so your priority should be YOU. They're young, they may even want to move around a bit to find the place that suits them best. I think one of your goals can be to make any place you decide on welcoming for them, so that no matter where they land, they feel at home in YOUR home. YOUR home can be your respite, as well as a break away from it all for them . I think if you try to do this, it won't matter how far away they are, there will be a willingness to visit.

I don't think you sound like a meanie about your Mom, and I appreciate how torn you're feeling. Knowing that she's not going to be around forever makes it more difficult too. At the same time though, you have to build your life. As your mother, she may recognize this, but not all parents do. I'm not sure how financially stable she is, or what her resources are, or even if she's happy where she is, but maybe it's not a long shot to think that if you were to move to Maine she could follow. You could help her locate to a larger town near you (but I agree with drama-30 minutes is good!) and this would allow her easier shopping, more opportunity to make friends, and easier access to healthcare. This works well if you're looking for something more rural.

Now, have you looked into the western mountain area of Maine? I haven't been that way in a while, and I'm not familiar with towns and such there, but it may be exactly what you're looking for, and some of the members on here could certainly give you some idea of towns to consider. My thought is that if you research where in Maine you'd like to settle, your decision will become clearer. It's harder to decide when you don't know many of the variables. Just consider the research as a scouting mission, and see if things are a good fit. You don't have to make ANY decisions now, just scout!

I hope I've said something that's helped. Good luck with everything!

[dramamama6685]

Originally Posted by raygabs

Great can't wait to see the pics! I understand wanting to be somewhere that you can't be at the moment. Life will get in the way and before you know it you'll be back in Maine.

I hope you're right. I know I shouldn't wish the rest of my life away wanting to get to Maine, but it is hard. Once you go to Maine it gets in your heart somehow and just won't leave.