Poor Parenting, (China: houses, to buy, school)

[Lubec mason]

I am sure we have all seen poor parenting. From the kid not in a car seat or booster. To the little fat brat kid at the check out line yelling "chocolate I WANT CHOCOLATE" and getting it. (true story) If you get devorced (not that I have but friends) you both need to take a parenting class. Why not befor haveing a child. There are too many out of controll kids. Cussing at there parents. If I said damn I got whacked. I do think kids need to be spanked some times. I look at it as more of a reset. But be reasonable. If you cant prouve your point with 1 whack on the bum. Your a bully not a parent."spare the rod spoil the child" any one know where I may have read that? And its true today as it was then. I am Daddy Drill Sargent and my kids love me for it. They dont always like me but I know they will have strong morels. Holding doors, Helping some one across the street. Defending and / or helping some one in need. And they wont end up in jail not for fear of the law. But the fear of God and Sgt. Dad. And not wanting to break their Mothers heart. Or be released to Sgt.Dad at the P.D. Ya think kiddie may get a spank and a loud lecture in the middle P.D. I do. I guess what I am asking is what happened? When did Parenting get so lax. How do we fix it? Should I start a camp for "troubled" youth and treat them like new recruits at a Marine base. Camp Last Chance.

[ljotis]

Your points are well taken, and they do have camps like that around the country, actually on Ft. Gordon they have a camp like that. It teaches the kids, school style, as well as giving them ex drill sgts to "instill discipline, value, and morals". I'm all for it. Its not that the parents are becoming more laxed, some are, but not all. Its that both parents are working now, and by the time they get home they are tired, and don't feel like dealing iwth it sometimes. Then theres the fear of the law, because your kid can say that you abuse them. As a kid, my father used the belt, and it worked. I stayed out of trouble and still have the fear of God in me some ways. I think a summer camp, four to six weeks, for troubled youth would be great in maine. Put em out in the woods, seperate them from everything, phone, internet, fast food, males from females, and go to town. Give em the same things basic gave military. Wake up at 0430, work out, make sure your beds are squared away, rooms cleaned, no dust, showered, shaved if needed, haircuts ect. Give it to em, instill it early, and hope it helps. Parents sometimes find it easier to buy something for the kid and save the embarassment of a screaming child. I find it easier to take the embarassment now and save the child and yourself later.

[dmyankee]

We have the Hinckley School.

Good Will-Hinckley (broken link)

[AlisonL]

Kids are told the day that they start school that their parents cannot spank them, because its abuse.
And, lets not forget the Power Child. I think alot of the children nowadays are Power Children. Their parents are more interesting in being the child's friend. You can be a friend to your child, but you are still the parent. I've seen alot of children tell their parents what to do and the parents do it! And I am not talking about teenagers. If we misbehaved in a store when we were young, my parents would take us out to the car. I did the same with my daughter and am doing the same with my grandson. In fact, his mother took him out of Hannaford's today to wait for me, as he was bored and being a brat. LOL

[Lubec mason]

I thing parenting classes befor children would be more needed than after divorce. Cant pass the class cant have a kid.

[Elcarim]

Wouldn't that be nice! When I look back at all the stupid things I've done since my kids came along, it's scary to think of them having babies when they get older without strict supervision!

And just think - if they would institute stricter rules for people considering having children, they could lay off trying to regulate us to death afterward. Oh, you know, I think they actually do that in China.

[mainebrokerman]

many parents, try to be the parents they didnt have,,, especially if they grew up in a strict or rigid environment, and because of that,,they try to give thier kids sooo much and be thier friend, however, what is overlooked is perspective, its like the kids that didnt have much,,but they appreciated what they had,,,and took care of it,,while a few houses down,,,kids that had everything,,but appreciated nothing and ,,didnt take care of anything they had,
ive seen many parents,,,,that are very lax,,and proud of it,,,it allows the kids to make there own decisions, and freedom of choices,,however, most kids are very self-centered if allowed,,,,and will walk all over parents and know how to play them,,
kids do need clear bounderies and consequences ,,
half the population is divorced,,and parents try to over compensate,,with giving things to kids,,,(when its "time" they actually want)
ive seen many a single mother try to live thier second childhood thru thier teenage daughters,,very dangerous!!
ive seen many a fathers,,,,distant of thier kids,,because of the posion of the parents, after the divorce,,,very dangerous!!
when kids are young,,they need discipline,,,,yes we all try to "explain" the whys,,and why nots,,but if a kid is running after a ball,,that goes into the road,,, the parent needs to yell something that the kid will react to.

kids are influenced by the garbage on tv,(and thier friends),however,,i dont believe in insulation,,they will have to deal with the crap anyways,,,,so take the mystery out of it,,,,try to instill good values and ,,in particular confidence,,,,thats the key word,,then they can deal with things,,ten times better.
when my son was younger,,,he'd have many friends over,, and some kids were of the volvo crowd,,, couldnt eat a cheeseburger, one little boys' parents wouldnt even allow him to go fishing,,cause it hurt the fish..and one parent,,wouldnt allow her son to even go in my house,,after she learned i was a hunter,,and may have a gun in the house (even tho its locked up)
and most of these kids,,were not exposed to going on snowmobiles or atv-ing (might get hurt) or fishing,, or even swimming,,, boating (might drown, or boat might sink,,then drown)
of course,,after the parent would drop the kid off,,she's usually have a list ,,of things he could eat ...
i felt bad for the kids,,,they seem to have allergies galore,,,have a tough time with other kids,,,,and all the boys seem to wet the bed,,probly a coincidence,,but these kids seem to be the dolls of thier parents,,a reflection of them,,,which is fine for an adult,,i guess,,but many of the kids im sure had a hard time fittin in with thier peers..
its funny, id ask many of the kids what theyd want to eat,,and they'd yell pizza or cheeseburgers or chicken nuggets,,,,yes, even the volvo kids,,,so, i bought them whatever they wanted ,,and fed the packed lunch/dinner(from the parents) to the dog,,,and we did all the things the kid wanted to do and he usually had a blast,,,,,
kids arent show dogs,,,,and parents must understand,,that ,,if yousmother them,,,,,when they are young,,,they will do the opposite to you when they are older,,
i like the bumper sticker,,"be nice to your kids, they will be the ones choosing your nursing home"

[mollysmiles]

Kids need guidelines, and they need to know that when they go beyond those, there will be consequences. As strange as it may sound to some, these boundaries provide them with a sense of security---they know they are free to explore within the boundaries, but feel safe because when they step outside of that, someone will be there. This is what builds a confidant adult....

A child who has free range often runs around simply because he's waiting for someone to care enough to step in and provide that safety net for him. He wants an adult to care and provide, and not feel as it it's all up to him.

Parents walk a fine line with this, needing to provide the boundaries to allow a child to safely explore and grow and learn, while at the same time establishing the consequences of crossing those boundaries in a way that's appropriate for age and development. However, the earlier a parent does that job, the more confidant and happy the child will be. A child wants to please their parent, that is a very strong desire, and parents can work with that from a very early age....but if the parent is a doormat, a child will not respect them, and that desire disappears.

Wanting to be a good parent is not enough....you've got to do the work. We've all seen results of the parents who haven't done the work, and it's very sad.

[Elcarim]

Very well stated Molly! Parenting is a lot of work, for sure!! We try to protect our kids, while teaching them to protect themselves, while teaching them not to be so fearful, while teaching them caution, while teaching them to live abundantly, while teaching them to be strong and vibrant and independent, while teaching them to follow the rules. Talk about a fine line!

I try to teach my children to operate within the safety net we've created for them. I also teach them that as long as they are within that net, they can have some freedom of choice as long as their choices are wise ones. When they aren't, I choose for them (at this point in their lives) and then show them WHY that is the best choice and the next time, they usually make a better choice on their own. Those are always very rewarding moments.

I've tried NOT to be that parent that always says "because I said so!" I want them to understand the WHYs - not just the WHATs. I believe that we can raise strong and independent children who DO make right choices and are responsible for their own actions if we allow them to be part of the learning process - within the boundaries, of course.

[mollysmiles]

Exactly!