Jokes! (beach, horses, office)

[Elcarim]

Excuse me?

I'll let you figure that one out yourself!

[Elcarim]

I'm confused, but I'll sure take those gas prices!

Good deal, but imagine the college costs!

[peachie_in_maine]

Originally Posted by Maineah

Humor: Letter from a Marine Recruit

Be sure to read all the way to the very end - it's worth the moment it'll take. And enjoy!

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, or fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave, but it is not so bad--there's warm water.

Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon when you get fed again.

It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route marches" the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice but awful flat.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home.

I'm about the best fighter they got except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds, and he's 6'8" and weighs near 300 pounds dry. Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,
Betty Sue

That's really funny!! I enjoyed that. Thanks Maineah!

Tami~peachie

[countrylv22]

THANK YOU FOR THE LAUGH!!

You always have AMAZING JOKES!! LOL! LOL!


Take care,

Have a GREAT day everyone!

Countrylv22

Originally Posted by MEnME

CATHOLIC GASOLINE

Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, an Exxon Gasoline station was just a block a way. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas.

The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car.

She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car.

As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm becoming a Catholic.''

[Eastport4me]

How to Tell the Sex of a Fly:
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter What are you doing?" the wife asks.

"Hunting Flies" says he.

“Oh! Killing any?” she asks.

Three males, two females," he replies.

Intrigued, the wife asks "How can you tell them apart?"

Says he "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone.

[peachie_in_maine]

Ohh.. I love that. May I print that off and keep it to show off?
That is so funny..

Tami~peachie

[RMoore007]

25 Year Marriage

A Mainer married 25 years ago took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap rented house in Bangor and a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 19-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have an $800,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice bed, and a plasma screen TV, but now I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

His wife, being a very reasonable Maine woman, said, "Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde honey and I'll make sure that you will once again be living in a cheap rented house, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 19-inch black-and-white TV, if you're lucky."

[forest beekeeper]

Originally Posted by RMoore007

...
His wife, being a very reasonable Maine woman, said, "Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde honey and I'll make sure that you will once again be living in a cheap rented house, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 19-inch black-and-white TV, if you're lucky."

Beats living under a bridge in a rusted out van.

[Eastport4me]

Originally Posted by RMoore007

25 Year Marriage

A Mainer married 25 years ago took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap rented house in Bangor and a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed, and watched a 19-inch black-and-white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have an $800,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice bed, and a plasma screen TV, but now I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

His wife, being a very reasonable Maine woman, said, "Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde honey and I'll make sure that you will once again be living in a cheap rented house, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed, and watching a 19-inch black-and-white TV, if you're lucky."

I LOVE it...LOL.

[Eastport4me]

Originally Posted by peachie_in_maine

Ohh.. I love that. May I print that off and keep it to show off?
That is so funny..

Tami~peachie

Yes, feel free to print it.