Jokes! (motel, house, taxi)

[msina]

Excellant!!

[7th generation]

A buddy and I were eating lunch at a job site on Friday.
He turns to me and says, "I can't wait to get home tonight and rip my wife's panties off!"
I wryly asked, "Oh, you think you're going to get lucky tonight?"
"Nah," he replied, "they're riding up the crack of my butt."

[msina]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! That was chuckleicious!!

[quiet walker]

Originally Posted by 7th generation

A buddy and I were eating lunch at a job site on Friday...

I got tears coming out of my eyes

[moughie]

Originally Posted by 7th generation

A buddy and I were eating lunch at a job site on Friday.
He turns to me and says, "I can't wait to get home tonight and rip my wife's panties off!"
I wryly asked, "Oh, you think you're going to get lucky tonight?"
"Nah," he replied, "they're riding up the crack of my butt."

Excellent
Anxiously awaiting another.......

[Boomerang]

If you haven't seen this one yet....
-------------------------------------------------
Eventually, all the Patriots are standing before the Gates of Heaven, at the throne of God.
God turns to Peyton Manning first, and says, "What do you believe?"
Peyton thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."
God can't help but see the essential goodness of Manning, and offers him a seat to his left.

Next, God turns to Tony Romo and says, "What do you believe?" Tony says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing field."
God is greatly moved by Tony's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Tom Brady. "And you, Tom, what do you believe?"
Tom replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

[forest beekeeper]

Originally Posted by quiet walker

An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital.
At the end of the tour he is shown into a ward with a number
of patients who show no signs of injury.

He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man
proclaims "Fair fa' yer honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!"

The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next
patient, who immediately launches into:
"Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat, and sae the Lord be thankit."

The next patient sits up and declaims:
"Wee sleekit cow'rin tim'rous beastie,
O what a panic's in thy breastie!
Thou need na start awa sae hasty,
wi' bickering bl'attle.
I wad be laith to run and chase thee,
wi' murdering prattle."

"Well" says the Englishman to his Scottish colleague "I see
you saved the psychiatric ward for the last".

"No, no" the Scottish doctor corrects him "This is the Serious
Burns Unit"

Ack Aye, Robbie be pleased with ye lassie

[forest beekeeper]

Originally Posted by 7th generation

A buddy and I were eating lunch at a job site on Friday.
He turns to me and says, "I can't wait to get home tonight and rip my wife's panties off!"
I wryly asked, "Oh, you think you're going to get lucky tonight?"
"Nah," he replied, "they're riding up the crack of my butt."

He did nay know those are to be worn round his neck?

[Bewitched]

A man owned a small farm in Maine. The Maine State Wage Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.

" Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board.


Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Allen's brandy every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."


"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.


"That would be me," replied the farmer.

[quiet walker]

Originally Posted by Bewitched

... "That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit," says the agent.

"That would be me," replied the farmer.

"You must spread yada yada... That's funny!!!