Jokes! (buying, elementary school, university)

[moughie]

MeNMe and msina-- thank you for the mighty chuckles!!!!!

Both submissions are fantastic

[dmyankee]

This insanity has to end!

[AliceT]

I walked into a Mickey D's with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a sandwich. I handed
it to the girl and she looked over at a little
chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free."
"They're already buy-one-get-one-free", she said,
"so I guess they're both free" She handed me my free
sandwiches and I walked out the door.
They Walk Among Us


One day I was walking down the beach with some
friends when one of them shouted, "Look at that dead
bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said,
"Where?
They Walk Among Us!


While looking at a house, my brother asked the
real estate agent which direction was north because,
he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up
every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the
north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises
in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her
head and said, "Oh I don't keep up with that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!!


I used to work in technical support for a 24/7
call center. One day I got a call from an individual
who asked what hours the call center was open. I
told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern
or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I
said, "Uh, Pacific."
They Walk Among Us!


My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets
trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.
They Walk Among Us!


My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed
that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a
big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied
2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
They Walk Among Us!


I couldn't find my luggage at the airport
baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office
and told the woman there that my bags never showed
up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she
was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
"Now," she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?"
They Walk Among Us!



While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man
ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be
[alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut
into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some
time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces;
I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
They Walk Among Us,
AND they reproduce.

Disclaimer: While these may not all have occurred in Maine, they were sent to me by a Mainer. Does that count?

[msina]

Wonderful stuff Alice,.. reminds me of Jeff Foxworthy and "Here's your sign".

[quiet walker]

Originally Posted by AliceT

... I used to work in technical support for a 24/7call center...

Yea... I wanted to register my bike when I moved to Arlington, and called the police department for information. I asked "When are you all open?" A short pause, and the answer "24/7"

Oh yea... the police department.. Dohhh!!

[AliceT]

Oh yea... the police department.. Dohhh!! [/quote]

Would have been appropriate here - we only have police from noon to 5pm M-F... if then.

[Eastport4me]

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes.
We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

[AliceT]

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

[Eastport4me]

The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was no where to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."

[Elcarim]

As with most things in life, it's all a matter of perspective!