Deep Thoughts (Hartford: deal, lowest, time)

[forest beekeeper]

We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors .....but they all have to learn to live in the same box.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers.

Wench: Used to turn the head of a dolt or a nut

[forest beekeeper]

We're from the government and we're here to help you

Whales are mammals. Mammals have hair. Shave the whales!

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

[msina]

FEMA: Fix Everything My Arse!

[Asta]

Fifteen Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "In".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "For Sexual Favors."
7. Finish all your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. Specify that your drive-through order is "To Go."
10. Sing along at the opera.
11. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
12. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
13. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!, I Won!"
14. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!!"

And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......
15. Pass this on to someone to make them smile. It's called therapy...

My mom sent this to me. Thanks for letting me pass it on and maintain my own healthy level of insanity!!

[forest beekeeper]

Whatever it is that hits the fan, it will not be evenly distributed.(The third law of reality.)

When a one world government goes corrupt... . ... . . where do you run?

When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you..

[mensaguy]

Going to church doesn't make you religious any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

[Asta]

Deep thoughts from my mom:
- Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
- Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
- Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
- Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
- Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
- If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
- Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
- Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first try?
- How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
- In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

[forest beekeeper]

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

When in doubt, press Ctrl-Alt-Del

When puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns!

[forest beekeeper]

When putting cheese in the mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.(The law of avoiding oversell.)


When the bad combine, the good must associate


When the going gets tough, the smart get lost

[forest beekeeper]

When the going gets tuff ~ the tuff go shopping

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro

When uncertain, or in doubt, run in circles and scream