where should we move in maine? (Portland, Brunswick: apartment, condo, house)

[kevinbelt]

Rather unexpectedly, I've been confronted with the possibility of moving to New England. I'm not entirely thrilled about this, but I guess I need some more information to properly make a decision. The thing is, we don't really know where to go, so suggest some places for me.

For several years, my wife and I had been planning to move back to her hometown (Buffalo, NY) after she's done with grad school and her postgrad fellowship. That's this August. We just had a big wrench thrown in those plans, though, when her mom bought a condo in New Hampshire. Although it wasn't the only reason we were planning to move to Buffalo, having her mom nearby was a major benefit. (Her dad - they're divorced - is retiring in a month to his lake house an hour outside the city.) I still like Buffalo well enough, but at this point, it's no different than any other random city. I like Milwaukee too, but why would I move there?

The reason her mom moved is, in part, because the rest of her family lives on the east coast. She has a sister, niece, and nephew in Portland, Maine; a sister in Boston; a sister in Brooklyn; and her brother is in the process of moving to Cambridge. Her mom chose Exeter, NH, as it's roughly halfway between Portland and Boston. Now, my wife feels a bit left out, and she wants to be near everyone else, too.

In particular, she grew up very close with a few of her cousins (one of whom now lives in Jamaica Plain, and another who is most likely going to start grad school at Tufts in the fall), and she wants our daughter (and any other kids we have in the future) to have the same thing. For various reasons, my brother and sister are unlikely to have children, and so any cousins our child(ren) would have would be on her side. That, combined with having her mom nearby, has given her a strong desire to move to somewhere in New England.

Now, I like New England well enough. I've been to Portland and Boston both a couple of times, and I spent a week in 2008 going to a bunch of little towns in New Hampshire during the primary. Great place to visit. But I think most of the places I've traveled have been great places to visit. It doesn't mean I'd want to live there. I'm from the midwest (Ohio), and that's a pretty strong part of my identity. It would be a big psychological change for me to become a northeasterner. My preference would be to stay here in Ohio, but in order to make that case, I need to at least know what I'm arguing against, and who knows? Maybe I could find a place that would change my mind.

So here are my criteria:

-Within a two-hour drive of Portland. This limits the search area to southern Maine, southeastern New Hampshire, and northeastern Massachusetts.

-Within a one-hour drive of Exeter, NH. This is probably redundant, as Exeter is an hour from Portland, although it does rule out other cities in Maine north of Portland.

-Preferably not Portland or Exeter, though. I've been to both, and I like them well enough. I know my way around Portland well enough that I could find something to eat (Pizza Joint, Elevation Burger, etc.) without having to Yelp my way around, and my wife knows it even better. My reluctance is based on the fact that my sister-in-law is already there. Not that I don't like her. It's just, my wife is the middle child of her family, and her Portland sister is the oldest, and their personalities and family dynamic are such that my sister-in-law tends to overwhelm my wife. I'd like my wife to have some space of her own, so that she can live her own life and not just be her sister's little sister, you know? I mean, there's a reason that I'm the one asking about moving to New England, rather than her sister asking about moving to Ohio. The same is true, to a lesser extent, with Exeter. Nice town, I've driven through, but we'd be in the shadow of her mom the whole time. It's one thing in a bigger city like Buffalo, but another in a smaller town like Exeter.

-Not exurban. I'm OK with suburbs, but the inner-ring, early twentieth century kind, not sprawling McMansion-and-chain store places where you never even go into the city center. We currently live in between Grandview Heights and Upper Arlington in Columbus, and I've lived in University City in the St. Louis area, if that gives an idea of what I like. My wife lived in Somerville for a while before we met, and I think that area is fine. It sounds like exurbs don't really exist in New England like they do in Ohio, but I'm still a little skeptical of areas around the 495.

-Anything else - downtown, inner-ring suburbs, medium-sized towns, middle of nowhere, etc. - is OK. I just don't want that in-between state, where you've got the remoteness of being in the middle of nowhere, but you're surrounded by crap development and McMansions.

-Proximity to a college. My wife works in student services, and I enjoy going to lectures, football games, etc. There are enough colleges in the region that I don't expect this should really disqualify anywhere.

-Reasonable cost of living. We pay $975 for a 2br apartment in Columbus, and I'd like to stay around that range if possible. I know this is somewhat unrealistic, but the closer we can get to $1000/month, the better. Long term, if we buy a house, we'd probably be looking in the $250k range or below, I imagine. (So Somerville's out.)

-Good public schools. Our daughter is only two months old, so this is a while off, but I don't want to have to move again when she starts school. Public schools are important; I'm not interested in sending my kid to a private school.

-Midwestern feel. I grew up in a small town in Ohio, and that's something I enjoy. Mom-and-pop hamburger stands, miniature golf, soft-serve ice cream, lots of corn and cows. You know, Main Street America stuff. (Interestingly, part of the reason I was so on board with Buffalo is because Buffalo has this midwestern feel to me.)

I'm aware that the answer is "Vermont". But alas, even the closest parts of Vermont are still too far from Portland. Otherwise, that would be a no-brainer.

So give me your best shot. Is there a place in New England that's so great I can't turn it down?

[I'm cross-posting this to the MA and NH forums as well, so apologies if you see this more than once.]

[WhoFanMe]

I'd check into Saco, Maine.

[Northern Maine Land Man]

Yes, west side of the pike for better prices. Less congested in summer too.

[VTYankinME]

You might like Brunswick, ME.

[Brodels]

I agree that Saco/Biddeford might be the best option. Those communities have most of what you are looking for. It might not check all the boxes, but you could also look at Sanford.

[JoulesMSU]

-Proximity to a college. My wife works in student services, and I enjoy going to lectures, football games, etc. There are enough colleges in the region that I don't expect this should really disqualify anywhere.

-Midwestern feel. I grew up in a small town in Ohio, and that's something I enjoy. Mom-and-pop hamburger stands, miniature golf, soft-serve ice cream, lots of corn and cows. You know, Main Street America stuff. (Interestingly, part of the reason I was so on board with Buffalo is because Buffalo has this midwestern feel to me.)

You aren't going to find this stuff based on your other criteria. I'm from Michigan, the northeast just doesn't have the Midwest feel. That's kind of the draw though, IMO (we specifically moved here to live in Portland).

Also, colleges are very lacking out here. As a Michigan State alum, the biggest thing I miss is Big Ten sports. Your only shot at having a major place to go to NCAA games is Boston - Boston College for football (although they are terrible the last few years) and then they also have a handful of D-I schools in basketball (BC, Northeastern, BU, even Harvard). Otherwise, UMaine is probably the next biggest school (although they mostly focus on hockey) and you've ruled that out since it is 2 hours north of Portland but much further from Exeter. I don't know much about UNH, which would be your only other possible candidate... they seem to have a football team that makes the I-AA playoffs each year, but doesn't seem like they have a whole lot of support. I work with some UNH grads and they never ever talk about their school like fellow Big Ten, or even UMaine, alumni do.

[slyfox2]

off hand.... I would suggest within walking distance from Canada, and keeping your passports up to date.

[maineborzoi]

okay... I'll bite... why Canada ? Is the shopping really that good ?

[Northern Maine Land Man]

Slyfox2 knows. For the answer, PM slyfox2 or me. My answer would not last 10 minutes on this page.

[roadrat]

Why not just settle in Buffalo. Air fair from Buffalo to boston, Portland, Manchester is dirt cheap. The money you will save in housing cost will easily pay for the air travel.
And as an added benefit you won't have to live next to your wife's family, Trust me, nothing good can come from living next to your wife's family.


RR