Do I have a false sense of security, or do I really live in a great place? (Pittston: crime rate, homes)

[deerislesmile]

I've recieved a fair share of "OMG!" type responses from people in other areas/states when I admit to letting my son (he's 9 now, but even at 7, maybe earlier) sit in the car, windows open and all, while I pop into the market, usually the only rules being that he can't get out and run across the parking lot (but can certainly come into the store if he wants to), and that he can't crank the car radio up too loud. (OMG! I leave the keys with him, too!)

The same responses to leaving him alone for just me to run to the store (really less than 1/2 mile away) or to the dump (2 miles), without requiring him to sit looking out the window at the driveway, with all the doors locked, the phone in his hand to call 9-1-1, and waiting for the hypothetical Big Bad Weirdo to come snatch him?

Now he knows about not going with anyone he doesn't know (or even that he does), and more importantly without speaking to me first, knows not to cook anything or use any knives, knows who to call if he has a problem. (And truth be told, he usually doesn't even move from the Lazy-Boy the whole time until I get back).

Deer Isle is a very small town- everyone knows each other, and aside from the every-few-years incident of a drunk stealing someone's car in order to drive to their own homes when they are tired of walking, don't have car-jackings or kidnappings. Not to say that it could never happen, but of the thousands of kids that have been raised on this island, it never has.

So I guess I'm asking if it is irrational of me to think that him being alone for a few minutes here and there is okay (and you all must know that it doesn't get hot enough down here on Deer Isle for the heat in the car to be an issue.. especially with all the windows down), or should I be more freakish about it? Now there are plenty of things I *do* worry about- him drowning, getting lost in the woods, playing too close to Rt.15 (speed limit's 40, but they usually go 60+ in my particular stretch of it), but because I think that those are very real dangers..him just being alone, watching tv, not so much. I was allowed to go to the shore by myself when I was his age- climb over granite piles, and play on the docks, even give driving directions to strangers if they stopped to ask (though at 9, I might have already been sending them in the wrong direction..intentionally). My uncle, long removed to Florida, calls this place Mayberry. Does that small-town spirit give me a false sense of security? Do usually non-neglectful parents in your small towns in Maine also do these things?

Okay, everybody run to the phone now and call DHS on me...

[K-Luv]

Not to sound sociopolitical, but Americans always have to be afraid of something for our own protection (Communists, right-wingers, illegal aliens, outer space aliens, Y2K, ad naseum), and over the last decade or so it has come down to over protecting children.... from everything.

Now, I am sure that you are making a rational, understood judgement call based on what you know of your surroundings, and others who live in overly populated states or cities will not understand your reasoning. You are not being a bad parent at all, just being realistic for the location in which you live; they live in a different world both physically and mentally.

At least (hopefully) your child is not going to grow up fearful of everything around him and ending up on medications for this compulsive disorder or that agoraphobia.

When I was six years old I was allowed to ride the city bus home from school and go to the beach alone to swim in the ocean. This was in LA, and believe me, I was scared of the boogeyman (well okay, being kidnapped by Gypsies). All of my friends back then were allowed to do similar things. It definitely was a different era. I dunno, maybe our parents were too stoned to no any better?

[PMBird]

In 2006 Maine ranked 49th out of 50 as "Most Dangerous State" ... only North Dakota was "safer". I heard some stats last night on the news that Maine's overall crime rate dropped for the first time in a couple years of climbing (although rape & arson had big increases). The rate of crime in Maine for 2007 was one offense per 1,000 people with the national average being 4.6 per 1,000.

I just can't help thinking that these days you just never know. Just a few weeks ago a family in Pittston (aprox. population 2500) was brutally attacked while sleeping. The attack was triggered by revenge over a robbery a few months earlier. I live less than 5 miles from where the attack occured ... you just never know.

I think people should feel safe living in Maine, but don't assume nothing will happen to you.

[RMoore007]

You sound like a great mom. Don't worry about it. You have given it a lot of thought. Your rules are good and where you live has a lot to do with it. Your kid's personality, independant nature and experiences play an important part in what you do too. Mom knows best. Just be careful.
And if ClownShoes can only find one in Deer Isle, then that's better than where I live by a very large percent. When I do similar searches around here, there are literally dozens and dozens if not hundreds within a small city radius. Being educated about them is not a bad thing though.

[K-Luv]

Originally Posted by PMBird

I just can't help thinking that these days you just never know. Just a few weeks ago a family in Pittston (aprox. population 2500) was brutally attacked while sleeping. The attack was triggered by revenge over a robbery a few months earlier. I live less than 5 miles from where the attack occured ... you just never know.

I think people should feel safe living in Maine, but don't assume nothing will happen to you.

Okay, what 'days' did anyone know? I don't think that it is realistic to have an It won't happen here or to my child attitude, but this sort of stuff has always happened not only throughout American history, but that of the world. Somehow, someone, decided not to long ago that you are a very bad person who should be ashamed to be a parent if you let your child cross the street alone. A line needs to be drawn between being a good, nurturing, protective parent and being a complete paranoid who wants to have anyone who even looks at their child arrested, I could tell what he was thinking by the look in his eyes. Give me a break.

[PMBird]

Originally Posted by K-Luv

Okay, what 'days' did anyone know? I don't think that it is realistic to have an It won't happen here or to my child attitude, but this sort of stuff has always happened not only throughout American history, but that of the world. Somehow, someone, decided not to long ago that you are a very bad person who should be ashamed to be a parent if you let your child cross the street alone. A line needs to be drawn between being a good, nurturing, protective parent and being a complete paranoid who wants to have anyone who even looks at their child arrested, I could tell what he was thinking by the look in his eyes. Give me a break.

NEVER wanted to imply that you or anyone else that lets their child alone for any length of time was a bad parent or a bad person. Just wanted to point out that even in a very small town, very bad things can happen. You can interpret how ever you wish.

[ClownShoes]

Originally Posted by RMoore007

And if ClownShoes can only find one in Deer Isle, then that's better than where I live by a very large percent. When I do similar searches around here, there are literally dozens and dozens if not hundreds within a small city radius. Being educated about them is not a bad thing though.

One is one too many.

Keep in mind that's "known offenders".

Google how many kids go missing around the US.

Use your head~! SAFETY FIRST!!

Spare the time to take your child with you instead of leaving them unattended.

Would you leave your cell phone or Tom Tom on the dash with the windows open? Wallet / purse? Cash?

No of course not, but you will leave the most valuable thing you have, ... your child.

[starwalker]

You know your kid, your town... your neighbors ... YOU are the only one who can make that decision.

Stuff happens. Even to those who are careful/paranoid. One cannot guarantee 100% safety and I for one wouldn't want to live in that kind of world anyway.

Every time you get up in the morning, step out your door, drive down the road it is a calculated risk. We take them.

I think you are fine, likely a fine mama. My kids live in Spokane WA and the Salt Lake Valley in UT. The eldest, in Spokane, parents like I did and I parented like you do (with education, awareness, and a modicum of caution but not too much). My Utah crew parent much more with what seems to me to be an overcautious, paranoid style. I do not comment on either (unless they ask me about a specific thing), as they must do as they best see fit.

Don't let fear run your life.

[RMoore007]

Originally Posted by ClownShoes

One is one too many.

Keep in mind that's "known offenders".

Google how many kids go missing around the US.

Use your head~! SAFETY FIRST!!

Spare the time to take your child with you instead of leaving them unattended.

Would you leave your cell phone or Tom Tom on the dash with the windows open? Wallet / purse? Cash?

No of course not, but you will leave the most valuable thing you have, ... your child.

But cell phones, Tom Tom's, wallets, purses and cash don't bite. Or have any sense at all. They are all rather dumb objects.

I see your point ClownShoes, just funnin' ya. But I have a question, did you always keep your nine year old in your sights and never alone somewhere for just a few minutes?

[contented]

smile, i raised 3 sons on the island just the way you're doing it. we all pick up island children when they are hitchhiking and usually if its not to far past our destination we take them to where they are going. as far as that one elderly offender goes, he's been there quite a while and caused no problems that i know of and i do know that mr. you know who has put the goat eye on him and given him the chat. no place is immune but you know, at the hint of any trouble, cell phones will be ringing and a vehicle placed accross the bridge....................this is a little off topic but when my boys got to a certain age they all shoplifted something out of the old galley and were all caught one way or another at home with the goods by either me or their mother. as part of their punishment they were told they had to go and see dave and apologize for stealing and promise to never do it again. unknown to them, i would visit dave beforehand and explain what they had done and together we would cook up a plan to scare the b-jeepers out of that child when i brought them in..........it never failed and they never got in any more of that kind of trouble.