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Old 12-08-2008, 09:41 AM
 
Location: Maine
5,054 posts, read 12,361,474 times
Reputation: 1869

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Speaking of pain in the butt........ My mother is making some very snide little remarks lately. Then, in the next breath, she says how happy she is that we're finally realizing our dream of moving to Maine. Yesterday, she asked what we're going to do when we get to Maine and all our friends get tired of us after the new wears off, and there we are all the way on the other side of the country with no family around and no friends either. WTH??? And what if you have an emergency, and you have no family to call on? Heaven help us if we wear our welcome around HERE!

After I regained my composure, I asked if I'm really THAT hard to love and get along with? She laughed and said, "Well, NO!" And the times we have had to call on family, only a couple of them actually answered the call, anyway! So much for that theory!

I tried to brush it off jokingly, but it's really bothering me today. I realize that it's probably more the mindset of people down here who have such shallow aquaintances with others. It's easy to say that of relationships in this place, where everyone is always too busy and selfish to give time to anyone outside their own little household.

And it's sad to me that people don't expect to find long-term friendship and close bonds anymore. Is it just me? Am I completely naive? Or is she right?

 
Old 12-08-2008, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Teton Valley Idaho
7,395 posts, read 13,036,667 times
Reputation: 5444
grrr.... I think it's time to say to her "You know, I'm sure you don't realize the negativity with the comments you're making. And I'm *sure* you don't mean to hurt my feelings at all. So I've decided from now on that every time you say something negative regarding our move and our life in Maine, I'll just point it out to you That way you can realize how frequently you're saying these things. I'm sure you wouldn't want our last bit of time to be taken up by all this pettiness." This of course should be said in your sweetest and most caring voice I'd bet anything that will help!
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:02 AM
 
Location: WV
1,325 posts, read 2,956,918 times
Reputation: 1395
I've also heard that argument from the aunt who wants everything the way it is forever and takes it personally that we're out of here as soon as Mensaguy retires. It gets really old to listen to it over and over. As bad as it sounds, I've started pulling back from those relatives who only care about themselves and how they want things. It's my time now and if they can't be happy for me or at least give me that lip service, then I don't want to hear it, so I'm pulling away from it.

A good friend gave me a thought to live by and it's really starting working well for me, just took a while for me to incorporate it into my mindset.

"I don't want to be around anyone who isn't good for my mental health"
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Mid Missouri
21,353 posts, read 8,414,070 times
Reputation: 33339
[quote=Fort Lauderdale mermaid;6469464]IAH - 10 degrees but -11 with windchill

Matinicus - blowing at 39 with gusts up to 47!

Brrrrr.....



(SoFlo currently 60 degrees, expected high today of 76)[/quote]


Quick everybody!!!! Toss some snowballs at 'er!!!!!!!
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:02 AM
 
Location: Maine
7,727 posts, read 12,323,979 times
Reputation: 8343
Your Mom is your Mom. She's worried, afraid for you and of losing having you close. Your child is always your child and you'll be just as frightened of them making a mistake, doesn't matter if they're climbing a tree too high or moving cross country. She loves you. She may drive you crazy now but, there's been a million times I've wished my Mum was still around to ask her something. Your Mom is a treasure of life experience, tell her you'll call twice a week just to hear her voice. It will make her day.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:16 AM
 
3,061 posts, read 8,331,023 times
Reputation: 1948
Dang I am glad I am out here where its warmer! We might get a dusting of snow overnight, but it will be gone before noon.

My mom was somewhat negative about us moving as she thought it was just "all talk". The big thing for her is not seeing my grandson, so we send her pictures every couple of weeks and he talks to her on the phone.

My uncle, on the other hand, said we made the smartest move and that we should of done it sooner.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Teton Valley Idaho
7,395 posts, read 13,036,667 times
Reputation: 5444
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elcarim View Post
....And I'm glad I have such wonderful friends, public forum or not, to share with! ....
lol... El, we know that it's not "where" you meet that determines a friendship!
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Maine
7,727 posts, read 12,323,979 times
Reputation: 8343
I am sorry your Mom is hurtful El. I didn't realize how hurt you felt and as a "Mom" of grown kids, I looked at it from that view and from the view of someone that has lost my "Mum". I can't imagine people getting "tired" of you.
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Mid Missouri
21,353 posts, read 8,414,070 times
Reputation: 33339
Quote:
Originally Posted by mollysmiles View Post
My mom is also gone... the issue that El is having has been like this for two years. There comes a time when a parent needs to put their own sense of loss behind them and start being supportive of the choices that their child makes. God forbid I would *never* want to do something like this to any of my four children, just as my mother respected my choices and never took the opportunity to get a dig in! These are DIGS, nasty little comments being made. That is very hurtful to endure, and there comes a time when it needs to end. Her mother doesn't need to agree with the path that El has chosen, but to be behaving in this manner, in front of the children sometimes, is entirely uncalled for!
I'm not judging El's choice. I'm certainly not going to judge her mom either. I don't know the history and I'm only privy to what's on a public forum as fodder. My sense is, her mom knows her better than any of you, but perhaps lacks the ability to communicate in a more definitive way how upset she is about it all. I'm just sayin.....
 
Old 12-08-2008, 10:36 AM
 
Location: 43.55N 69.58W
3,231 posts, read 7,427,343 times
Reputation: 2989
She will adapt to your departure. She will figure it all out once she see's the difference in your quality of life. Once she hears the happiness in your voice and that of the kids.
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