Weird Question (renting, low crime, house)

[pixieshmoo]

I'm posting this question in a few forums because for several years I've struggled with wanting to leave my state and move elsewhere. During that time my children have gotten older and it's getting harder to leave, as they will be in high school within the next couple of years. They say they will hate us if we move and are determined to be miserable anywhere but here. I want to move because it's not so great here anymore, too crowded, too judgmental, too competitive, too worried about trends & money, too fast paced, too worried about outward appearance, schools aren't what they used to be, drugs, sex, crime, etc. I know it's everywhere but I also know there are better places than here. So I am posting this question in a few chosen (states) forums and am hoping for some good feedback.

Now for the weird/stupid question: How do the children and/or adolescents in your particular community, school system, town, county or state react to newcomers??

While this may sound incredibly ridiculous, keep in mind what we hear on the news about kids who often befriend the "newcomer", act like they want to pursue a friendship, invite the child somewhere and end up beating the kid to death or near death and leaving them there. I know it's not something that is a daily event in most places, but it's not unheard of. I recall a few years ago seeing a video on the news of a group of girls who did that to one new girl. Not only did they beat her to a pulp, they videotaped themselves doing it! Considering that my oldest is almost in high school, I see it as a valid question based on how children socialize, how they are judged, teased, ridiculed, teen suicide, depression, etc. You see it all over the country. I want to move to better the lives and futures of my children, not make their lives miserable or put them in jeopardy. And as we all know, children are harsh and brutally honest and simply downright cruel at times.

So, based on all that I have written, I am hoping that many of you, as parents, teachers, even students and teens, or simply someone who knows what goes on in their community, can tell me from your point of view or experience or what goes on in your local news, how accepted newcomers are to your area, is there gang violence, adolescent violence, is it a friendly, welcoming place to live, are people accepted freely or are they ridiculed until they prove themselves, etc? I have no particular area preference at this time, but if you don't mind listing where you're from, or close to where you're from if you'd like to remain private, along with your response, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you sincerely

[forest beekeeper]

Originally Posted by pixieshmoo

... I want to move because it's not so great here anymore, too crowded, too judgmental, too competitive, too worried about trends & money, too fast paced, too worried about outward appearance, schools aren't what they used to be, drugs, sex, crime, etc.

In our travels, we have seen those things in many places, and yet Maine [IMHO] does not have those things.

... How do the children and/or adolescents in your particular community, school system, town, county or state react to newcomers??

We have been welcomed.

Maybe not with 'open arms' per sa, but we have found folks to be very welcoming.



I am / was career military, my family has moved a lot. Children will get over it.

Sometimes you really 'need' to move, due to the influences that you see an area having on our children. We have been there too.

So many areas are filled with very bad influences, it is amazing that anyone stays in those cities.

Maine is simply not like that, not at all.

[lovemaine]

We moved to midcoast Maine from NC in April. Our 12 year old is in middle school. She hasn't had any issues with other students. Everyone has been friendly and helpful. (It also helps that the teachers have been fantastic in helping her adjust.) Of course there are cliques, and since she started toward the end of the school year it's been difficult for her to make close friends. (That's partly due to her shyness though...)

There are a surprising number of students from "away". It's not that unusual for a newcomer to start school here. BTW, when we first moved here, our daughter insisted that she will never be happy here, wants to move back to NC, etc. She has definitely warmed up to living here though. It just takes time, and patience on the parents part. One thing I tell her to remember is that thousands of kids move to different parts of the country each year, and somehow they all manage to survive. I don't mean to sound tough, but sometimes it helps to put it into perspective...

Good luck!

[Acadianlion]

No. Not a weird question, not at all. Perhaps an irrelevant one.

Pixie, you've been worrying the idea of moving someplace for a long time. By now, I am sure that you have learned that if you were to move to Maine, the first really big issue would be whether or not you could make a living here. And that is the biggest question for a whole lot of people.

Assuming that you have made up your mind that moving elsewhere is in the best interest or your family AND you, it would seem to me that you should search for a way to make it happen, financially, and then move.

But now you have asked a question about whether your kids will get killed and eaten for dinner by the savage children of Maine? I wonder who is making the decisions in your family. Either it is worth moving away or it isn't, but that doesn't seem to be a decision that should be made by the children, does it?

At the end of the day, I doubt that you will be satisfied with being in Maine, any more than in Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, New Hampshire...and other states that you have wondered about. If you were to come to Maine, you would find ALL of the same issues that you have with where you are in New Jersey, and they would likely be even worse here than there for some reason or other. I think there needs to be a reason to move to a rural state with a little economy such as Maine has from a state that is so perfectly located between major cultural centers such as New Jersey. I am not sure that being unhappy with where one is located by itself, is one.

[mainegrl2011]

Hi
I can agree with some of what Acadianlion says about making sure you can make a living in your new location before you move. A friend of mine grew up in Maine and lived in Los Angeles for about 10 years. He decided to move back to Maine to raise his children even though his wife was from CA. I have known people who left NJ and moved to NC--the smaller towns can be good choices. I grew up in Maine and raised my daughter in NC. My decision was based pretty much on economics. She has turned out to be a great person. I am not sure if that is because of my parenting skills or the fact that we spent as much time in Maine as possible over the years and were close with our family there. In this economy, being able to financially provide for yourself and your family surely needs to be one of your main concerns. What are you looking for that you are not finding in your current location?

[S Williams]

Pixie-
I moved my family to Mid-coast, Maine ( from NJ) in October 2007. I was recruited here for a job, and so far, it has been a good decision and a good career move [i]for me.[i] However, my husband, who had been self-employed, is still having trouble finding work in his field in this economy.
There were just more opportunities for him in NJ. My daughter was in the middle of 8th grade when we moved. She was welcomed into her school with relatively few concerns ( eg making sure she was in the right level classes for her skill, etc). There are always cliques in schools- I chose to teach my children good values, the correct ways to behave and treat others, etc. If these same courtesies were returned, then this is likely a friend; if not, move on. I also choose to meet parents and friends when she is invited somewhere, and at times, encourage the friends to come to our house so I know who her friends are. I actually taught her friends a game with dominos one night a couple weeks ago- we had a fun night! In general, Maine has proven to be a very nice, safe place to raise children. I have discovered there is a moderate population of "military" families, and they have a rich variety of experiences - some telling me they've lived in Georgia, NH, Vermont, california, Texas. In our area, there is a mall, a movie theater, a couple bowling alleys, a skating rink, plenty of lakes to take a canoe or kayak. In the winter, you can go tubing at Herman mountain, or cross-country skiing in the city park. Not to mention gorgeous state parks ( and a National Park) and the coast all within a 60 mile radius.
I,too, had noticed some of what you've mentioned you feel or see in NJ. As i mentioned, I am happier in a more rural, quiet area. I like the farmer's markets, the easy ride to work, no traffic, the "community" of people here- people know and help one another. My daughter is happy here as well. My husband, hopefully will settle into a position soon, but it has not been easy. You need to seriously consider your ability to find work here.
I do miss my family in NJ; I didn't know anyone here in Maine before I moved. However, I have since found truly dear friends ( many are the colleagues with whom I work) that I cannot imagine living without! I feel truly blessed about that. Another nice thing is that now my family has a nice place to come and visit! My folks even braved a storm and spent this past Christmas with me!
As the other's have said, think carefully, and do come up at different times of the year. I have found the winters not too much different from NJ, just alot longer..
best wishes,
S.

[Casper1212]

Okay, let's start with your kids telling you that they would hate you if you moved. How old are these kids? Anybody with teenagers will tell you that for all the bravado of teenagers, they are the most insecure people on earth and are terrified of being seperated from what they know--especially the friends and places they've known most of their lives. But they survive if you relocate them, especially if you are getting them away from negative influences. If they are old enough to be out on their own, they have the choice of moving with you or staying where they are, but not of telling you what to do. Who's the parents here? You make the decisions about what's best for you and your family.
As for moving to Maine, note the statistics on the state as a whole--employment problems, like everybody else, low crime. As for being judgemental, yeah, they are. They don't like people who are lazy or dishonest and they will tell you about it in a New York minute. But they will also be the first people to offer to help you if they think you need it. Depending on where you move to in Maine, you have a lot of recreational options. We live up in Down East Maine, and we love it. (Just moved here a few months ago, and FYI, everybody, NMLM just helped us finally buy a house last week) We are near hunting and fishing, water sports, winter sports, and there are hundreds of things to do on a day trip, including trips into Canada. Just don't forget that passport or my hubby won't let you back in the country.
Seriously, Pixie, I've lived in a lot of places and experienced a lot of different cultures. I can tell you two things. One is that if you make a choice about moving that is based on what's best for you, it usually takes care of what's best for your family. After all, if you want a better job in a safer place to live, aren't those things going to be a improvement for your family, too?
Bottom line--Be the parent, do what you know is best, and remember that if you're not happy, nobody else in your family probably is either. And finally, I'm sure there are other good places to live. Maine's not for everybody. But it would be highly unlikely that moving here would a mistake.

[American girl]

You might find Barry Schwartz' fine essay Tyranny of Choice helpful in your decision making process.