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I'm coming in a bit late I think, but as I was reading the thread I was thinking that your best option would really be to rent first until you get comfortable with the surrounding areas. It looks like you've already come to this conclusion with your wife. Even though input from others help a great deal, we've found the experience of taking our time and exploring the areas firsthand to be invaluable. Not only have we driven through our top choice areas, but on some weekends we decide to run our errands (grocery shopping, banking, etc.) in the different areas so we really get a "feel" for the area and what day-in and day-out life might be like in that area.
Also, you mentioned trying to get your employer to throw in some telecommuting time right off the bat and I think that is an excellent idea... no matter how long your commute is.
Good luck!
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