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Old 10-01-2012, 06:58 AM
 
35 posts, read 72,369 times
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SoFresh, good points about Natick, it is an interesting town with quite different types of neighborhoods. It's quite walkable already, and the town is planning to expand walkable areas (new sidewalks are put in, and plans are made for more).
It does offer an easy commute to Newton - with a choice of roads (rt 9, rt 30, rt 16, and pike), but they all get clogged with traffic in the morning and afternoon, some more than others. but at least one has a choice, and one can figure out the best way / time to get to work.
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Old 10-01-2012, 09:50 AM
 
1,039 posts, read 3,446,929 times
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One other area that people mentioned is Sudbury. As counterintuitive as it might sound, North Sudbury is a good option for commuting (south)east. There are some neighborhoods with houses on large lots that nevertheless encourage some community interaction (i.e. the lots are larger but not huge). There are similar neighborhoods on the Concord side but they're generally more expensive. We looked long and hard at Reading and Arlington (after dropping Belmont and Lexington) before focusing on Sudbury, Acton, and Concord.

One option I drove by the other day is 108 Dakin Rd (no relation to seller but C-D doesn't allow RE links). It is under $500k, on an acre lot, but the neighborhood houses aren't totally hidden away screaming keep away. Your kids can visit neighbors but you have space. The current owners even seem to be raising chickens. Your husband would take 117 for work. During rush hour, the only significant bottleneck is near Kendal Green (from people cutting across between US-20 and Totten Pond Road using Church and Lexington streets). For Newton, I would bail before Church at Conant and cut across Weston.
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:27 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
9 posts, read 13,836 times
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Okay, trying to organize my thoughts. First off, I wanted to say that, yes, I know ultimately my husband and I are going to have to find our own way, and that both of us getting what we want isn't possible. It's helping me, though, just to get this all down and get replies from anyone who's inclined. So I wanted to thank you all again for that.

First off:

Quote:
Originally Posted by gf2020 View Post
I will say this, however, your kids won't want this as they get older: "...somewhere where I can't see or hear neighbors, and somewhere I can have a huge garden, fruit trees, chickens, and privacy as complete as I can get." Kids want to be near other kids, in a neighborhood, where they can play in each others yards or (gasp!) in the street.
Quote:
Originally Posted by konfetka View Post
I agree with gf2020. I kind of wanted what you want, but in that case be prepared to be their chauffeur until they can get their own car to drive them around to playdates. Unless they are introverts, by age 6 kids become very social and will ask you every day for playdates.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SoFresh99 View Post
However, we have a child who is an "only"- so I am insisting (much to DH's chagrin but I know he'll come around) that we locate in a neighborhood with activity,sidewalks, families with a more suburban-type of elbow room. Sure DH will never get his acreage and I'll never be more than a maple tree away from my neighbor's bathroom, but I think this will be the best for the kid.
Yes. This is definitely a concern. What we want for our kids is basically what konfetka described: a neighborhood with lots of families, where kids can play freely in the streets, where there doesn't have to be all the playdate structure (seriously, where do you live, konfetka?).

Where we live now theoretically has that in its favor. We live on a quiet street, plenty of other kids, and I sometimes even see a few playing outside. There were at least 3 other babies in the neighborhood born within a month of when my younger was born, so theoretically we should have a good group in a few years. My older child is starting to develop friendships with kids in her preschool and with the children of my husband's coworker who lives a mile away. Staying here could be really good for the kids, if we can keep building these relationships.

I've been thinking about what matters most to me (as opposed to the rest of the family), and realized it's not so much about the gardening space. Though it wouldn't be ideal, I could be okay with what we have now supplemented with a community garden plot. It's more about two things: nature and privacy. Nature: when I can get away from houses and people and can be alone in nature, I feel like I can relax in a way I can't otherwise (I'm a serious introvert, can you tell? ).

And privacy. The thing with neighbors is, they basically own your life - especially if you hope to spend as much time outside as in - and you just have to hope they don't decide to wreck it. Having had a lousy neighbor in the past, and not being on great terms with one of our current neighbors, I just don't want to deal with that stress anymore. The whole house-buying process seems backwards to me: finding neighbors (if I'm going to be stuck with 'em) who share my neighbor values is far more important to me than the actual house, but it's something that I have next to no control over.

I'm afraid that if we move to a further-out suburb like the ones you all have mentioned, we'll end up with the same, if not more, of the things that we don't want. Lots in the .5-1 acre range are going to mean more mowing and blowing, more chemical applications, more car culture. And it's not going to get me the genuine privacy that I'm craving. And if that's the case, then we might as well stay where we are.
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
9 posts, read 13,836 times
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To answer a few of the questions that came up:

How much land would I like?: How much would I not? I grew up on 8 acres in Maine, that wouldn't be too much. If I had my druthers, at least 5 acres. Preferably more. So yeah, when I say land, I mean land.

Husband's wants: Husband would prefer to walk, bike, and/or T to work. Right now he drives, but carpools w/the above-mentioned coworker who lives near us . His office isn't near the commuter rail. A tiny wrinkle is that his office is going to move in the next couple of years; it'll stay in the 128 corridor somewhere between Waltham and Needham, but we're not sure yet where.

Husband doesn't necessarily want big-city urban, he wants a few shops and restaurants within a safe half-mile or so walk. He'd like to be able to go for dinner, a drink, or a gallon of milk without having to get in the car. And he'd like to be not the only person walking.

I should say that I'm actually keen on walkability too, if it's genuine. The problem here is that our neighborhood should be pretty walkable, but in reality people park on the sidewalk all the time, don't clear their snow, etc., and the town won't do anything about it. It's tremendously frustrating.

Sudbury and South Natick are places I've been considering, based largely on what I've picked up lurking here. But like I said above, they'd be compromises that might not get me closer to what I want than I have now.

(Should perhaps say what we're looking for in a house, which is pretty modest I think: 3 beds, 1.5 ba, maybe 1500-2000 sq ft, in good condition but not necessarily updated, and not on a busy road.)
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Old 10-01-2012, 01:39 PM
 
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5+ acres, walkable to town center, under $500k, T to work, neighbors when you need them but ignorable when you don't. You might as well throw in best schools in MA with incredible socio-economic/ethnic diversity and Martha Stewart in Home Ec, Tom Brady teaching gym, and Willie Wonka for comic relief.
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Old 10-01-2012, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Massachusetts
9 posts, read 13,836 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cato the Elder View Post
5+ acres, walkable to town center, under $500k, T to work, neighbors when you need them but ignorable when you don't. You might as well throw in best schools in MA with incredible socio-economic/ethnic diversity and Martha Stewart in Home Ec, Tom Brady teaching gym, and Willie Wonka for comic relief.
Yeah, I know. I know it's not possible, and it's my part of the requirements that makes it not possible. I guess the question is, is moving somewhere with a bit larger lot sizes going to make a significant difference to the things that matter to me? If it will, then it'd be worth moving. If not, we might as well stay here.

Maybe another question is, how do you find neighbors with whom you are compatible? I've actually looked into co-housing as a way finding people with shared values, since co-housing communities tend to set out their values clearly and have good ways of resolving issues. But the only ones within commuting distance are all full up.
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Old 10-01-2012, 03:26 PM
 
Location: Beverly, Mass
940 posts, read 1,931,327 times
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I am in Beverly, I like privacy, too. I am lucky, that I don't have neighbors looking into my backyard, there are old tall bushes all around it, so I have 100% privacy - that was high on the list, and there is room for a garden (may be next year). This is why house hunting can be so tedious, because it's hard to find a house that matches your conflicting and mutually exclusive wishlist. And when you find the one, you know it. You might have to come down on some of your expectations, but it doesn't mean you couldn't find something you would be happy with.

I say, stay where you are, but do some research here and there, and get more info about different towns. Look at towns close to your husbands work. Drive by some for sale houses or open houses to get a feel of neighborhoods and downtowns. You really have to look at different options to realize what's more important.

The truth is there are a lot of different streets, neighborhoods and lots in any single town.
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Old 10-01-2012, 04:49 PM
 
Location: Montreal -> CT -> MA -> Montreal -> Ottawa
17,330 posts, read 32,944,455 times
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I don't have kids, but I'll tell you what I told my cousin when she and her husband were waffling on whether to move home (to Ottawa/Montreal), a thought that made them unhappy but that's where their families were, from Vancouver, a place that they adored.

I'm not saying this to you. This is what I said to her: "This is not the right time for you to be selfish. This is the time to do what's right for your kids. If you feel that they would benefit from being near their grandparents, and that they'd benefit from better schools, and that they'd benefit from a whole myriad of things by coming home, then come home. You and J can be selfish when the kids are grown and out of the house. That's the time that you can do whatever you want. Now it's about the kids, and nothing but the kids."

She moved home.
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Old 10-02-2012, 06:48 AM
 
404 posts, read 824,760 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Noodlepop View Post
Yeah, I know. I know it's not possible, and it's my part of the requirements that makes it not possible. I guess the question is, is moving somewhere with a bit larger lot sizes going to make a significant difference to the things that matter to me? If it will, then it'd be worth moving. If not, we might as well stay here.

Maybe another question is, how do you find neighbors with whom you are compatible? I've actually looked into co-housing as a way finding people with shared values, since co-housing communities tend to set out their values clearly and have good ways of resolving issues. But the only ones within commuting distance are all full up.
This is a really hard one. DH was also big into cohousing when we met and had lived in coops for years and years. We often talk of getting one of those two-houses-on-one-lot things with some friends out in western mass. But it's sadly just talk. The jobs are here, which requires commuting, which requires proximity to some density in order not to take up half your life.

Our next move will be evaluated with these same considerations you are bringing to bear, however what we learned last time is that even if you can pick your neighbors, they just move and you are left with whomever the next yahoo is.

We have two secret weapons in this evaluation. One is (this sounds so superficial but ...) to go to the kids soccer/baseball games and talk to the parents and ask yourself if you can imagine being surrounded by these people. It's not much of a tool but it is more than nothing and it will weed out most of what we want to avoid. The other is that our next neighborhood needs to look yankee crazy- if everyone has well maintained houses but front yard crazy gardens and half-a**ed fences, compost piles and chicken coops then those neighbors will probably be live and let live. I'd rather put up with my neighbor's lazy inattention than their laser focused attention. No swathes of iridescent green chemlawn and ride-on-mowers. We are also making sure there are farmer's markets, CSAs and recreation and summer camp options in town.


FWIW we moved from Arl/Som/Cam to the west side of Waltham and I have 100+ acres of woods with trails right behind our neighborhood but can still walk to town (albeit down a hill) but also be in Weston in 2 minutes. I would never ever ever ever go back to living and having to function in the density that is the rt.93 corridor and "2 miles takes 20 minutes" driving. From here I can be on a farm OR at Alewife in less than 12 minutes. I do not think you will regret moving to somewhere less dense, since, as you said- that walkability is often a myth. In the time it takes you to drive and park in Arlington center from Arlington heights (which is not that long really) you could be one full metrowest town over doing whatever is there.

Last edited by SoFresh99; 10-02-2012 at 07:16 AM..
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:40 AM
 
160 posts, read 570,238 times
Reputation: 114
I think the great thing about your situation is that you have TIME! There is no pressure to make this decision now. You can start driving through towns, and neighborhoods and see what you like and don't like. Maybe Arlington will look more appealing, or maybe there will be a new area that you fall in love with. It took us 3 years to get fully on the same page as to what we both wanted. Honestly, at times we were both all over the place making lists over what we could and couldn't live without and those lists evolved. It is helpful to go to open houses in various towns and get a feel of what is available within your budget.

We just moved a 9, 7 and 4 year old and they have all made new relationships and they were very settled with kids they had played with their whole lives. I would not worry too much about that with young children. They are very resilient - more so than us.

I must say I have lived in 2 neighborhood settings and both had fruit trees and little gardens everywhere and the acreage was 1/2 to 1 acre lots.
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