How many months pregnant would it be acceptable to ask for a seat on the commuter rail? (Boston: taxi, price)

[jayrandom]

Originally Posted by 495neighbor

Yes, it is scary. At my suburban train stop people herd, push and shove. The people in the back of the herd crowd the ones in the front who got there earlier close to the edge of the tracks. So upset they wont get the seat of their choice. I fear someday there is going to be an accident, where someone was pushed onto the tracks. Even when I get there early, I let them all go ahead of me.

This is really what the issue is. My wife isn't from around here and doesn't feel comfortable shoving to be the first one on, so she lets the pushy people get on first. The problem is she would feel more comfortable in a seat on a very crowded train. In part because of the comfort, in part because standing on a train so crowded means everyone has to shave past you when it comes time to get off at their stop. It's annoying enough for me at normal size, but my wife in her increased state of pregnancy didn't like it. I'm also worried that she would probably have problems keeping herself upright if the train comes to a sudden stop (which is does on occasion).

She's basically too polite or shy to ask for herself and I wanted to see if her's was a general sentiment or not.

[miu]

Originally Posted by jayrandom

This is really what the issue is. My wife isn't from around here and doesn't feel comfortable shoving to be the first one on, so she lets the pushy people get on first. The problem is she would feel more comfortable in a seat on a very crowded train. In part because of the comfort, in part because standing on a train so crowded means everyone has to shave past you when it comes time to get off at their stop. It's annoying enough for me at normal size, but my wife in her increased state of pregnancy didn't like it. I'm also worried that she would probably have problems keeping herself upright if the train comes to a sudden stop (which is does on occasion).

She's basically too polite or shy to ask for herself and I wanted to see if her's was a general sentiment or not.

On a really crowded train, the standing people are kept upright by the other people standing around them. She'd also be fine as long as she has a good grip on a pole and is standing with her feet braced.

[Slowpoke_TX]

Originally Posted by jayrandom

I'm sure opinion will vary, but far along would it no longer be considered rude for a obviously pregnant woman to ask someone to give up their seat on the commuter rail? I suspect most men ages 25-45 would gladly give up their seat and even feel a bit guilty for not doing so spontaneously; my wife suspects she would get angry stares and a lot of "no, I was here" even into her ninth month. Any thoughts?

If no man volunteers (as a man should), and if you're not there to ask for her, then she should go ahead and ask as soon as she's far enough along to be showing.

Even if the person she asks refuses, then surely someone else will take notice and offer her a seat.

[Slowpoke_TX]

Originally Posted by Beachcomber4

IMHO if someone asks for a seat, regardless of their outward physical appearance I think a person who feels they are capable, won't be harmed by standing and/or they won't act the martyr or make everyone else feel like they have just given away a kidney, and/or go on about conditions that people inflict on themselves should not warrant them special treatment should relinquish their seat.

That having been said,pregnant women and elderly riders or people with small children should not have to ask. And if one of my teenagers didn't offer it up I would kick their arse. Common courtesy should be more commonplace.

Agreed, on all points. Someone shouldn't have to ask for common courtesy to be shown.

[PatanjaliTwist]

Originally Posted by 495neighbor

One thing I hate is when a parent with toddlers or a baby carriage is struggling to keep kids from being trampled on a packed train, and none of the gum chewing, ear-bud clad 20 year olds offer them their seat. I always do even if the parent is Dad not Mom.

To the OP, if your wife feels she needs to sit down at any time, she could ask someone to give her their seat. Depending upon where you live, I can't imagine anyone able bodied would say 'no', particularly to an obviously pregnant woman, whether they wanted to do it or not. Maybe she'll never need to ask & people will surprise her & just offer.

To Neighbor, agreed. It is a sad state of affairs, but honestly, in most cases that's got to be because they weren't taught compassion, basic manners or consideration at home. But, I also notice all ages of men/women, American & foreign, who don't hold doors for elderly or people walking behind them with packages or carriages, etc. Kindness towards others doesn't seem to be tantamount with the masses.

In Boston, several times I took public transit with my mum... she's mini-mum, 5', 100-lbs, grey hair, over 75. One bus was always stuffed with mostly 20-something boys going to BU or Northeastern, who would not only look up from books or phones & see her wobbling about & struggling to hold on as the bus navigated turns quite quickly, but oftentimes, they'd stare at her for a long 5-minutes... an utterly vacant look... no compassion, no caring at all. I was stunned at how they stared at her as if she didn't matter... it was quite shocking really. If & when seats emptied out, 20-yr old boys would race for the seat, a couple of times, virtually pole vaulting over my mum. It really disappointed me & on a few occasions, I had to bite my tongue. Nothing I said would have mattered anyway, if they couldn't care less about almost knocking over a little ol' great-grandmum.

Maybe it's my personal impression, but I see this as a problem mostly in the past few decades. I recall my mum making me give up a seat for someone, when I was a kid. As a woman & even if in heels, I've offered up seats & opened doors for anyone who looks as if they need it... male/female, young/older. I don't consider myself heroic for doing so. It's simply common, human courtesy. Maybe I just encounter the rude few on a regular basis. I find it hard to believe most could be so collectively apathetic.

[kingeorge]

I will add this. Your wife, and any pregnant women for that matter, should first and foremost have best interests for herself and her unborn child. Pregnancy is not the time to be tough, and act as nothing is happening to your body. You are responsible for two or more lives, and that is serious responsibility that should trump any shyness, timidness, or need to be and act as tough women who doesn't need anybody help.
Quite honestly, women in high pregnancy should not be on our crowded trains at all! Ways she can be injured, and so the baby are numerous. If she needs to travel, she has to play safe, and be very loud and proactive. Most people still fear injuring someone pregnant (thank God), and will make space, even if they grumble. But they need to know first.
Good luck!

[495neighbor]

On the commuter rail and subway, there is a designated priority seating on each train. If you read what is on the link, that includes hidden and temporary ailments such as difficulty walking. Sometimes this seating is folded up against the train wall when noone is using it. The train conductor will remove anyone sitting in the priority seating who does not need to be there and let your wife have the seat. A note from the obstetrician for your wife to carry might be good for backup.

MBTA > Riding the T > Accessible Services

[miu]

Originally Posted by kingeorge

Quite honestly, women in high pregnancy should not be on our crowded trains at all! Ways she can be injured, and so the baby are numerous. If she needs to travel, she has to play safe, and be very loud and proactive. Most people still fear injuring someone pregnant (thank God), and will make space, even if they grumble. But they need to know first.
Good luck!

I agree. Late pregnancy women should NOT be travelling alone on the T, especially at peak ride times. They should be in the company of family or friends.

Otherwise, early in the pregnancy, a pregnant woman should be fine standing on a bus or a train. It helps to wear practical non-slip footwear when out an about doing errands and such during the pregnancy. For a normal pregnancy, a woman should be using her muscles and keeping herself physically fit. If she is sitting around all day, then she's going to lose important muscle mass. Then when the baby comes, she's not going to be strong enough to attend to it in regards to lifting and carrying the infant.

[Cantabridgienne]

Originally Posted by miu

I agree. Late pregnancy women should NOT be travelling alone on the T, especially at peak ride times. They should be in the company of family or friends.

Otherwise, early in the pregnancy, a pregnant woman should be fine standing on a bus or a train. It helps to wear practical non-slip footwear when out an about doing errands and such during the pregnancy. For a normal pregnancy, a woman should be using her muscles and keeping herself physically fit. If she is sitting around all day, then she's going to lose important muscle mass. Then when the baby comes, she's not going to be strong enough to attend to it in regards to lifting and carrying the infant.

This is hysterical. Pregnant women require escorts and shouldn't sit down on the train, lest she not be able to life her baby? Is that what you tell yourself when you don't offer a visibly pregnant woman a seat on the T?

[Cantabridgienne]

I've been on MBTA buses wherere there are regular announcements asking passengers to offer seats to elderly, disabled or pregnant people. Frankly, if someone asked for a seat because they didn't feel well--whether it was becuase they were pregnant or had the flu or had some other illness not apparent to me--I'd give it to them, if I was able to stand. It doesn't have to be so dog-eat-dog out there, we're just talking about a commute.