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Old 01-17-2016, 08:32 AM
 
3,268 posts, read 3,311,603 times
Reputation: 2682

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A lot of what you are describing is just life. Should they not get their kids what they want for fear of making others feel bad? It does seem a but much that 13 yr old is getting gifts plus 800 dollars in gift certs...but I guess thats what happens when u invite people to a party, they get you gifts. There will always be someone who had more or less.
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Old 01-17-2016, 08:34 AM
 
3,268 posts, read 3,311,603 times
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You sound kind of spiteful. Again it's not their fault their parents have money. Move to mattapan. You won't see any of this there
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Old 01-17-2016, 08:40 AM
 
5,781 posts, read 5,083,917 times
Reputation: 7993
Quote:
Originally Posted by hingham-x View Post
Even the nice people in Hingham, the good people, are patronizing. It's hard to teach your kids how not to feel bad when they go to a birthday party and each mother has tried to outdo the next with lavish gifts if the birthday girl is "popular". One 13 year old received over $800. In gift cards at her party. That was in addition to the gifts. Instantly instagramed of course.

By 10:00 on Christmas morning every Hingham kid will have posted pictures of all their gifts for everyone else to see. There will be ski packages, iPhones, go pros, expensive boots, clothes, jewelry, it just goes on and on. And what do you say when the recipient lives in a smaller, less expensive house than you? Because EVERYONE competes. Then you find yourself going against your own values, making choices you don't agree with, posting vacation pictures, just to fit it. You do what you have to do, but in the process you are diminished because you are not authentic. A persistent irritation creeps in.

There are a lot of people in Hingham who receive bonuses, commission checks, and windfalls of cash from parents. When a parent passes there will be a major renovation, new cars, and perhaps a second home. Your next door neighbor has left you in the dust. They have moved on to the next level. They will be friendly, still, but patronizing. Your neighbor's kids college tuition account is fully funded, but not by them. And they will NEVER talk about it.
Just leave, for pete's sake, if you're so freaking miserable.
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Old 01-17-2016, 09:21 AM
 
460 posts, read 670,822 times
Reputation: 746
I've never lived in a town like Hingham. I grew up as a "poor kid" in a working class town. I'm a stay at home mom for the time being (have a masters degree and plan on returning to work once kids are older) and have a husband who makes a good salary. We could have bought in Hingham but it would have been one of the "smaller" houses at around 1800-2000 sq feet. We seriously considered it, but we decided against it because my parental values are against keeping up with the Joneses. Not to mention, I knew we couldn't keep up in a town like that. We bought in Hanover. Sometimes we regret not moving to Hingham. It's just so nice and the schools are so good...

To Hingham-X. It seems you want all the things that come along with rich people and snobbery but say you're beyond that. In my experience, towns that have all the amenities you want tend to have a high price tag, which of course attracts more snobby people. You could come to a town like Hanover which is much more blue-white collar, but you would hate it. You'd be driving to Hingham every day to get what you want. I know a lot of Hingham people and most of them aren't like you describe. I know many of them might bristle when I say Hanover but it doesn't bother me (they usually tell us to move into town right after so I feel honored that they don't think I'm too uncouth to fit in...hahaha). My kids are firmly in the middle here. There are poorer kids and there are richer kids. I feel like they'll get good practice dealing with all people with grace and tact (hopefully). As a former poor kid, this is important to me. Oh we also looked in Norwell but I know just as many snobby people there who live in gigantic houses with elevators. The only difference is the town itself is not as nice in my opinion. My point is that you might as well just stay in Hingham. You're almost done with the child-raising years and can quietly enjoy the town's virtues of which there are many.
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Old 01-17-2016, 09:24 AM
 
1,768 posts, read 3,229,586 times
Reputation: 1592
Quote:
Originally Posted by hingham-x View Post
Even the nice people in Hingham, the good people, are patronizing. It's hard to teach your kids how not to feel bad when they go to a birthday party and each mother has tried to outdo the next with lavish gifts if the birthday girl is "popular". One 13 year old received over $800. In gift cards at her party. That was in addition to the gifts. Instantly instagramed of course.

By 10:00 on Christmas morning every Hingham kid will have posted pictures of all their gifts for everyone else to see. There will be ski packages, iPhones, go pros, expensive boots, clothes, jewelry, it just goes on and on. And what do you say when the recipient lives in a smaller, less expensive house than you? Because EVERYONE competes. Then you find yourself going against your own values, making choices you don't agree with, posting vacation pictures, just to fit it. You do what you have to do, but in the process you are diminished because you are not authentic. A persistent irritation creeps in.

There are a lot of people in Hingham who receive bonuses, commission checks, and windfalls of cash from parents. When a parent passes there will be a major renovation, new cars, and perhaps a second home. Your next door neighbor has left you in the dust. They have moved on to the next level. They will be friendly, still, but patronizing. Your neighbor's kids college tuition account is fully funded, but not by them. And they will NEVER talk about it.
For what it is worth. You wanted to sound as a victim but you have obviously kept with the Joneses, and played game of social climber willingly in the past.

This last post sound envious, even resentful that other folks might have more money now. Sounds like an old game that you played well in the past, is now more challenging, so you want out, as it is not as fun anymore.

IMO regardless of where you move, if you are already conditioned to have certain mindset (keeping tabs on what other people do and what they have), you will look for certain things, and you will be sure to find them all over again. I am not sure new place will set you free, but maybe help you by giving you a clean slate?

Good luck.
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Old 01-17-2016, 09:38 AM
 
3,268 posts, read 3,311,603 times
Reputation: 2682
I guess I don't get the 'keeping up' part. There are certain people I know I will never keep up with and I'm fine with that. If we move to hingham one day I'll just be happy to have my kids in a good school system and i think the town is beautiful so id be happy with my surroundings. I could care less about who has more.

Last edited by Whatsnext75; 01-17-2016 at 09:38 AM.. Reason: Added
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:16 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts & Hilton Head, SC
9,966 posts, read 15,573,191 times
Reputation: 8623
Quote:
Originally Posted by hingham-x View Post
Even the nice people in Hingham, the good people, are patronizing. It's hard to teach your kids how not to feel bad when they go to a birthday party and each mother has tried to outdo the next with lavish gifts if the birthday girl is "popular". One 13 year old received over $800. In gift cards at her party. That was in addition to the gifts. Instantly instagramed of course.

By 10:00 on Christmas morning every Hingham kid will have posted pictures of all their gifts for everyone else to see. There will be ski packages, iPhones, go pros, expensive boots, clothes, jewelry, it just goes on and on. And what do you say when the recipient lives in a smaller, less expensive house than you? Because EVERYONE competes. Then you find yourself going against your own values, making choices you don't agree with, posting vacation pictures, just to fit it. You do what you have to do, but in the process you are diminished because you are not authentic. A persistent irritation creeps in.

There are a lot of people in Hingham who receive bonuses, commission checks, and windfalls of cash from parents. When a parent passes there will be a major renovation, new cars, and perhaps a second home. Your next door neighbor has left you in the dust. They have moved on to the next level. They will be friendly, still, but patronizing. Your neighbor's kids college tuition account is fully funded, but not by them. And they will NEVER talk about it.
You shouldn't let it bother you how much other people have/spend. This is eating you up.
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Old 01-17-2016, 10:42 AM
 
3,268 posts, read 3,311,603 times
Reputation: 2682
OkI kind of understand not wanting to move to a place like hingham in the first place if it's not in line with your values (you are worried about your kids growing up spoiled, sheltered and materialistic)but I don't get the sudden feelings after you've been living there for 20 years. I'm guessing you're in your 40s at least...by those years you should be over this kind of stuff and just be comfortable with yourself and the life you are living. Sounds like you have regrets even though you say you dont. And if you want a change there is nothing wrong with that either.

Last edited by Whatsnext75; 01-17-2016 at 10:43 AM.. Reason: Added
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Old 01-17-2016, 11:11 AM
 
8,916 posts, read 6,213,310 times
Reputation: 12144
Quote:
Originally Posted by mwbms28 View Post
I don't want to paint with too broad of a brush, but I think of what the author is describing as "new money" wealthy, whereby people load up on objects (house, car, boat, etc.) to show off how successful they are. These people are often heavily leveraged and might very well be SOL if the main wage earner lost his/her job.

...

I completely understand that no town is all new money or all old money, far from it. But that's the dynamic I think the author is talking about, and I'll think he'll get more of an old money feel in Concord (and Wayland, for that matter, though I wouldn't even consider it an old money town).
Would the towns of Boxford, Topsfield, Hamilton, Wenham or Georgetown be more old money than new money?
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Old 01-17-2016, 11:14 AM
 
3,268 posts, read 3,311,603 times
Reputation: 2682
Hingham family is

I wonder if these folks are the materialistic snobby higham types you speak of
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