Lesbian family relocating to MA (Dracut: living, assessment, moving)

[po98]

Hi,

Massachusetts is a great, safe place to live and raise children. Boston is a typical city, heavy on the colleges & universities, with the usual enriching "stuff to do". Housing in the Boston and the immediate suburbs is pretty pricey. It is conceivable that you could find housing in your range once you get 20-30 miles outside the city, depending on the town. It is not unusual to find homes that have 1/3-to-1/2 acre of land (some towns require more land and their home prices reflect that).

Public school performance varies widely and all public schools are required to particpating in annual Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment Testing (MCAS). Some towns have a higher percentage of families whose first language is not English which can affect the school district's academic performance but doesn't necessarily accurately reflect the quality of instruction. Other town's public schools may offer a better Special Needs program that attracts students from surrounding towns and which may (or may not) affect MCAS performance. In addition, many Massachusetts towns participate in "school choice", allowing students to attend schools in the town of their choice regardless of where they live.

With regard to diversity, Massachusetts towns have varying percentages of Euro-American, Asian-American, African-American, or South/Central American populations. Others, like Northampton or Provincetown, are known to be particularly gay friendly. Two-mom or two-dad families might find a level of acceptance and comraderie in work, school, and play that is not found as readily elsewhere. In any event, the presence or departure of a lesbian couple from a neighborhood is not likely to be a noteable event. Both towns are lovely but of the two, Provincetown is somewhat isolated - out there at the tip of Cape Cod - and is known as a summer tourist destination with a streak of single's party atmosphere . Northampton is a larger town, centrally located, with more family-oriented options, more employment, health care, and educational activities. It has a vibrant downtown with lots of unique retail shops, restaurants, coffee houses, and inns. The presence of several colleges/universities enriches the area with educational activities, art, libraries, performances, and sports. UMass Amherst, Mount Holyoke College, Hampshire College, Smith College, Amherst College -- all located within several miles of one another -- draw students from all over the world, and the campuses are linked by bus service. Public transportation is also available in Northampton and surrounding towns, with bus service to Springfield, Worcester, Boston, and New York City. And just FYI, Northampton's nickname really is Lesbianville (just ask Google).

I think that almost anyplace in Massachusetts is good to live and raise children, but some places are a better fit depending on what you're looking for. You can check out lots of information about the state and towns at the Massachusetts state website (Google Mass DOR to find town property tax rates).

I hope this helps!

[goyguy]

It's interesting (and dismaying) to hear what leaves people's mouths when they think you're "safe." Because of being a White male with WASP ancestry, often thought by virtue of appearance to be Irish, that's a lot which would go unsaid much of the time. I learned a long time ago to not conform to the stereotype of the screeching humorless liberal when confronting ignorance. Humor and/or empathy work like nothing else, with the added bonus that they communicate forgiveness to the offender and keep relations good. It's all about putting a spin on the remark or situation to get the point across, rather than say, "Excuse me, let me illustrate in 5,000 words or less why a person from the group you just disrespected would find that statement offensive." Who the hell is going to listen to that and change their thinking, much less still see you as an OK person afterwards?

Maybe I'm like Anne Frank in believing that all people are good at heart, and look what happened to her. But that's why I always say to somebody from a given "marginalized segment of society" that there are places where they'd be more readily accepted, but nowhere should be completely written off. I have more examples than the ones I've posted (the interracial couple in Chelmsford and the Jewish gay household in North Reading) that bear witness to this. Americans can be far more accepting than they're given credit for, I think. Much of what finds its way to my "safe" ears is said because of the fallacy of, "Isn't this how everybody is? Isn't this how I'm supposed to feel?" It's amazing how often people are astonished when shown proof that not "everybody" has and acts on a prejudice, and how often they're eager to demonstrate that they're "not like 'everybody'" given the opportunity. The Lakeville poster's contribution to this thread shows evidence of this better than I can ramble on about it.

So, anyway, back to the discussion at hand. I'm interested to know, now, about the half-dozen younger humans who stand to be relocated. Do they make friends easily? If they were adopted and bear no resemblance to either parent, do they have a "file" of one-liners to use in awkward settings? Is there a support system of peers which they may be utilizing where they are now and which would have a counterpart in Mass.? Although I was created in "the usual way," it wasn't always a smooth and easy transition into a school halfway around the world at age 14 so I'm "sensitive" on that score.

[BTW on the off chance that a single person is curious (lol), I was raised in an unusually "diverse" (racial, cultural, income level) Midwestern suburb. "Mental note taking" was happening in childhood and early adolescence, but it wasn't until my dad's job sent him abroad for several years - taking the family with him - that things really got into my head. Actually having to live life every day as part of a linguistic and racial minority can do that. This is why I see a lot of things as I do, despite being born into three of America's "oppressor" classes.]

[willdufauve]

Originally Posted by capecodcathy

Pardon me if I'm a little sensitive to the "Lesbianville" comment. I'm the daughter of two Moms and have experienced the snide remarks of many people as far back as the 70's. Thirty years has not changed much.
I guess you'd have to have been subjected to it, to be so sensitive.

Cathy, the author and academic Leslea Newman who wrote "Heather Has Two Mommies" lives here in the Valley, in Hadley I think. There might be a few people here being snide when the call Northampton "Lesbianville" but mostly it's said with affection. Come check it out sometime and we'll take you around and show you the Northampton area!

[carrot juice]

Originally Posted by po98

I think that almost anyplace in Massachusetts is good to live and raise children, but some places are a better fit depending on what you're looking for. You can check out lots of information about the state and towns at the Massachusetts state website (Google Mass DOR to find town property tax rates).

I agree. I think you'll find this state very accepting for the most part. However, if you are looking for a community, you may find a higher percentage of lesbian mothers in towns like Northampton and Jamaca Plain.

Welcome to Massachusetts!!!

[ontheroad]

I think most of MA will be kind and welcoming, although clearly some communities are more so. With your budget and the number of children you have, you might want to live away from Metro Boston, and Hampshire County (Northampton) is a good possibility.

With an MSW, and continued studies you'd be near Smith College which has a wonderful program in social work and terrific library; and there are quite a few social services agencies in Hampshire & Hamden County.

With an RN, there are also some good job possibilities in one of several hospitals nearby or within easy driving distance.

I lived in a small town about 13m outside of Northampton (Williamsburg) and commuted among three of the neighbouring counties in a social service/academic position and found it quite easy and enjoyable.

The only issue I see is the contrast in weather, but you are probable aware that you'll find a great deal of snow and some harsh days, especially compared to Florida.

If you have any particular questions, please ask. I still have strong ties to MA, and often miss what we fondly call "The Valley."

[momto6]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions.

We are really looking forward to the change in weather. I grew up in Michigan and my partner in Maryland..so we know real winter. The kids, on the other hand...they will be in for a bit of a chilling shock! Hopefully though, they will be able to be outside more throughout the year up north. Here it is much to hot or rainy from May-Oct to do much outside. They love the pool but are over it by September. The lakes are usually shallow and full of gators or snakes..and then by August the water is so warm that it is filled with brain invading amoebas (no joke.)Really, I have used my boat about 6 times in the last 4 years! Believe me, Florida is not all it is cracked up to be.

Now we just need to figure out which state and city will best meet our needs. Thanks again for all the suggestions. MA is definately one of my top pics.

[bostonnative]

I now live in the pioneer valley , there is a shortage of medical personell around here, I just saw something on the news about it.

I love Northampton, tons to do, nice schools and friendly community.

[capecodcathy]

Momto6: My sensitivity arises out of being a teenager in the 70's (did I say teen in 70's ) I have to say that now, things are very different. No one blinks when I say I have two Moms who have been together for 35 years. They are knows as Nana and Grams to my children (16 and 13) who think everyone should have three grandmothers (and so do their friends).
I think pretty much anywhere you go, your family will find a gracious welcome.
Good Luck in your search!

[3dogstudio]

FYI My partner and I are relocating from Arizona to the Pioneer Valley region this month. We made this decision because we recently had a son and we want to raise him in a climate of acceptance and where 4 seasons are the norm! We found a beautiful home 8 minutes outside Amherst with 5 acres, 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and a barn for under $400k. You should have no trouble finding a home for your family.

[lmnopqrstuv81]

Given your housing needs, I would second Greendales suggestion of Worcester. I know many gay and lesbian families who live there, and housing is much more affordable than Boston.
As a lesbian mom, we love living in Boston, but we cannot afford to buy a house here and so we continue to rent. But it's a reasonable drive from Worcester to Boston for cultural events -- there are several GLBT parenting groups that meet regularly.