Did I move to the wrong town? (Boston, Peabody: 2015, houses)

[ECPCVC]

I lived in a few towns in MA and just left Lexington. First off, we couldn't afford to buy anything decent But we found there to be an overall lack of friendliness. Coming from a town south of Boston where we were welcomed with cookies and pies, it was really off putting and lonely. I have heard the same from many others as well. If you like the area look into Bedford. I found it to have a friendly, small town feel with excellent schools. I always talked to other parents at the park there, where as in Lexington the people were generally nannies, grandparents, or not looking for a conversation.

[MikePRU]

Originally Posted by SCHOOLSEEKERMA

I see where you come from Mike. Most people don't disclosed their religion or political party. My concern it is about been able to make friends, and not really their religion per say.

Agreed. Not everyone is forthcoming when the census form gets filled out. This being said, I still feel some of your statements are greatly exaggerated. Personally, I think race and/or religion had no place in the conversation to begin with.

Originally Posted by SCHOOLSEEKERMA

A friend of mine who knew a friend in Wellesley area put me in contact with her to help me with area, schools, and to have an "instant friend" (my research was mostly internet based, including this Forum). Her friend and I have children the same age and I thought it would be great. I asked for a school recommendation for my 4 year old son and she recommended me a preschool. Than I asked if it was the same preschool that her child was in (so my son would have a "friend") and she said no... her children and her friends children go to a jewish school in town... hum... I get it... it is her religion... but I felt a fish out of the water...

Would you want to send your child to a Jewish pre-school? Personally, I would prefer to send my children to either a non-religious preschool or one that shares my personal religious beliefs. Based on your posts, it sounds like you are not Jewish.

Originally Posted by timberline742

It's a preschool. Who cares. I certainly don't remember who were my pre school friends, I doubt many people do. People all blend together in middle school, high school, etc. Just my opinion, but you're worrying about nothing of consequence.

Exactly. The number of years the kids spend in preschool is nothing compared to the time they spend in elementary school, middle school, and high school combined. Unless you live in a town with multiple high schools (not a ton of them around here), then all the kids in the public school system will end up in the same place eventually if not sooner.

Originally Posted by G-fused

I've lived here for 6 years and personally, I don't think it's nearly as friendly of a place as most others. I'm in Brookline and I'm Jewish so check that box. There have been people we met that were friendly and we did become friends but it's not as easy as other areas. I'm lucky to get eye contact from someone when I'm out walking around. Heaven forbid I say hi to someone in my neighborhood - freaks them out. I don't know, just been my experience and I'm a very approachable guy.

Again, there are exceptions but they are...exceptions.

We made more friends when our kid got older and started going to school and we met other parents. SOme of it was driven by our kid though - he liked someone, they wanted a play date and became friends so we then became friends with their parents. I'd say that out of the people we call friends, about 80% of them happened because of our kid in one way or another.

Edit: Oh, I also made a couple friends through my sporting activity of choice and my wife did through a hobby of hers.

Originally Posted by Bruins3445

Give it more time. People here aren't as welcoming and come across as cliquey. It's just a facade though- They're nice once you get to know them. I feel like you have to pass a test, so-to-speak. Once you're proven to not be a weirdo and nice enough, they warm up to you . All kidding aside, if you can afford to live there stick it out because your kids are young. Sign them up for some activities (karate, dance, soccer) and get chummy with the parents. It's hard at first but eventually you won't feel like an outsider. It has nothing to do with race or religion.

Couldn't agree more with you guys. The people of New England are much more genuine. They're not friendly for the sake of being friendly. A friend made in New England is a friend for life.

I have had over the years many, many clients who've relocated from different parts of the country. I always tell them the same thing. Meet people through your kids. Meet people through your own personal interests. Get involved in the community you live in. Give it some time and you'll have some really wonderful friends.

Originally Posted by porterhouse

When looking at towns I told my wife to go to the grocery store and park and see what she thought of the people, as those would be her friends.

Great advice. I tell my clients to go to Starbucks, eat lunch in a local restaurant, or hang out in a local park. Talk to the people and observe the people who might be your neighbor and decide if you actually want to live next to them.

[chicagoliz]

I've never heard of Wellesley or Weston referred to as overly Jewish. I had the impression that years ago, they were places that were not as friendly to Jewish families as were some other towns. But that could be an incorrect impression. Now, it's less so, but again, my impression of Wellesley is that it is not as Jewish as, say, Newton. Or even Needham.

Interesting to read that Brookline isn't as friendly -- I actually found the same thing. When I lived in Brookline, eons ago, I did not find it to be friendly. In fact, there was even some hostility toward outsiders (which is odd, considering how urban it is). I have found Newton and Needham to be almost shockingly friendly.

Re: Jewish preschool -- my very Catholic friend who lives in Alabama had her first daughter in a Jewish preschool. My friend was in grad school at the time and for some reason this particular preschool was either the most convenient or best one available. She laughed as she told me about how they had to light a menorah when her daughter was young.

[SalamanderSmile]

I lived in greater Boston for 20 years and made no lasting friends, hardly any friends at all. The only places that ever felt normal, open and welcoming to me were Sudbury and Arlington. Not too townie, not all one "ethnicity", affordable enough that there were lots of young moms rather than playgrounds full of nannies.

Just to clarify my experiences were in Cambridge, Somerville, Waltham, Newton, Weston, Wellesley, Lexington. So there are probably other places that straddle the townie/newcomer balance on the North or South shores that I wouldve missed.

[ryanms3030]

Also will first say OP: not sure where you moved from....but, having grown up and spent 28 years in MA I would say it's not known for being friendly place with outgoing people etc. It has nothing to do with ethnic groups. I grew up in a decent suburb in the 80's and 90's that was probably 99% white (at least my part of town) and we never met or spoke a word to probably 90% of the people in our neighborhood. The only other families we interacted with were ones with kids my age that I became friends with in school. Nobody ever made an effort to meet neighbors or get to know anyone. If you want friends I suggest you make an effort. Join some Meetups, clubs, etc. Nobody is going to come to you

[civis]

Originally Posted by SCHOOLSEEKERMA

Hello! After reading many posts on "Moving to MA", "Please tell me the best School system", "Family neighborhood, good schools, easy commute etc..... Yes! We all want that! and notice I didn't add affordable, it would be asking too much! Sorry my sarcasm!
OK. We decided to give a try to Lexington because all the good things we heard (mostly about the schools). Luckily I am renting and can make a change of town if needed. Although, I would feel bad for the kids for moving them around.
Here are my first impressions of Lexington and some town that I "researched and considered". You might be able to hear my frustration on the post, I do not mean to offend anyone or any class (culturally or religion) let me know if I am wrong... reason why I am here:

Lexington: Heavy Asian Community (Indian, Chinese, Japanese), that's is great! Very smart folks and very involved at the school system, BUT they keep within their ethnic groups and it is very difficult to make friends in town... as white is a minority... you get the good school, but no friends.

I'd say if you are white stay away from towns with heavy Asian population, especially Indian, if not you, your children will have hard time to fit in. Asians don't like non-Asians, even though rarely show this openly.
Based on my personal experience.

[CaseyB]

I don't understand the claim that "white is a minority" in Lexington. That can't be true.

[ECPCVC]

Originally Posted by CaseyB

I don't understand the claim that "white is a minority" in Lexington. That can't be true.

It's definitely not true, but our former elementary school was 50% Asian/Indian. That's not my estimate, that was actually the school info. The town itself is less. You can look up the stats. I'd say 25-35% if I had to guess.

That being said, the Asian people I met were just as nice as anyone else. I don't see cultural differences as the reason for the lack of friendliness there. It transcends ethnicity

[ladyalicemore]

My sister had some issues with the local private school in Maine her kids attended. It was excellent in many subjects, but she thought it was weak in math.

She took classes at USM so that she could tutor them in math and science. As a former pre-med major she had background in science but she learned math. Sometimes the parents just have to get involved.

She is a math teacher now, because she fell in love with it by studying it with her kids, who have achieved a lot. Parents can and should supplement the schools their kids attend. The kids should do their own homework, with no boost from parents, but the parents should find things to do with the children, esp. during the summer, where they continue to learn. With emphasis on any skills that don't come easily to each child.

You can't move somewhere and have that all taken care of. If it were me, I would look for a like-minded and active community of peers--however defined. And then prepare to help your children, esp. during the transition, with tutoring when there are difficulties. Speaking as a teacher, there always are difficulties. Parent of elementary school children and middle school children have to be ready to step in.

My brother's children went to the highly rated school system in Duxbury and she spent a lot of time tutoring them, as she actually didn't agree with the curriculum a lot of the time. Everyone's different, and everyone who is a parent needs to step up to the plate and not delegate education entirely to the schools. Read the assignments. They will tell you what your kids might struggle with.

Seek like groups for parental support, for that is important too.

Just my thoughts, as a teacher myself.

[Peabody99]

Originally Posted by SCHOOLSEEKERMA

Thank you Bruins and Pikabike.
It is a great article. Perhaps I should give a try and don't take it personally. I need to get used to the "MA way". The school system is amazing and the Indian food in town too! We are just missing friends.. I am sure it might come with time

I moved to Stow almost 3 years ago and cannot tell you how welcoming everyone in the neighborhood was and still is! Neighbors came with wine, flowers and their phone numbers when we moved in! I highly recommend you look into neighborhoods if you are super stressed at making friends and not country roads where you could feel isolated.