Suddenly forced to move to MA and scared about it. Kindly asking for help! (Boston: renting, houses)

[syracusa]

Re: the topic of "friendliness" in the South vs. New England and the "outsider" status, just wanted to clarify.

I have noticed that quite a few posters tried to debunk the stereotype about the "crabby, exclusivist New Englander".
Professorsenator also implied that it would be unreasonable for me to expect an instant warm welcome and automatic inclusion into the "local cliques" as soon as I "roll into town". I absolutely agree. I understand the dynamic perfectly and I would never expect instant friendships, maybe because I myself am not a fan of "instant friendship". Few Europeans are.

I never took the "friendly Southerner" vs. the "crabby New Englander" stereotypes seriously for a couple of reasons.

First, because Europeans too, as a general crowd, can come across as quite unapproachable and "closed". And truth be told, at the superficial level, they really are unapproachable and closed. They can be polite, pleasent and helpful with newcomers/outsiders, but they will surely not give the impression that they are about to become your best friend 10 minutes after you met them. In a culture with a historically low degree of geographic mobility - friendship, togetherness, local community are concepts that cook slowly, over the years, if not over decades of getting to know one another and building trust at deeper levels. I suspect New Englanders are coming from approximately the same direction as Europeans, at least in comparison to Americans born in other parts of the country, who seem to have lived all over the place by the time they step into middle adulthood.

This reminds me of a line in Aldrich's jr.'s "Old Money: The Mythology of America's Upper Class" where he was referring to the American middle classes: "Americans are the most gregarious people on Earth. They have to be. They have no friends".

Second, having lived in the South for slightly over a decade, I have learned that the Southern brand of "friendliness" does not necessarily translate into solid frienship. Being "friendly" is one thing. Being "solid friendship material" is a completely different story. There is a unique Southern culture of "nice" that acts more as a weapon of privacy protection than a bridge to actual friendship and communion. Each time I hear my mother-in-law (an authentic, Gone-With-The-Wind type of Southerner) saying: "Oh, those people are sooo nice, they are such good people"... I want to scream. I never do, but I fantasize about it. .

However, just because I understand the dynamics, does not change the fact that we will be on the other side of the fence, with the "out crowd".

I would never blame locals steeped in life-long, local friendships that they do not include me into their cozy little worlds right away; but at the same time I would not want to remain in a gregarious yet eternally peripatetic out-crowd either, because I know from experience that out-crowds act like atoms. They bump occasionally and casually into one another without ever building ties that bind.

At the end of the day, we will have no choice but to be ourselves and be honest; and if we are meant to click with a few people there, we will. It will take time, but I will be in no hurry because this will be the last move I will ever agree with in the US. I hate relocating like nothing else, I am not an easy blooomer wherever I am planted, and I always dream of my roots back in Europe. Unfortunately, the global economy in our days has little patience for such "sentimental BS" so I guess I am a sort of dinosaur.

In the end, my concern was mainly about any potential prejudices re: the "Southerner" status; but then again, education is supposed to guard against prejudice and overgeneralization and New Englanders seem to have plenty of that.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Boston really is a walkable city in that alot of what you see in modern Boston today has been there for so long.
One thing I LOVED to do when we had people in from out of town is we would walk The Freedom Trail. There are colored lines painted on the sidewalks, you pick up a brochure and you walk the colored line you have chosen and it takes you by some fantastic places.

Boston is just an amazing place. I envy you truth be told.

If you want some awesome seafood check out Anthony's Pier 4, check out Fanuel Hall for just about everything else. If your into Italian, go to the Italian part of Boston, you will be IN HEAVEN. Anthony who was an icon in Boston has now passed away but up until his death he stood at the front door of his restuarant and personally welcomed people in, now that he has passed, his Father welcomes people. When we had visitors we always went there and got our picture taken with Anthony who was always happy to oblige. Once your inside the restuarant you will see all the famous people who had visited the restuarant and had their picture taken with Anthony.

The arboretum is so gorgeous in the spring and summer, its like the countryside in the middle of Boston. Of course there is the park with the Swan boats, I don't recall the name.

I DREAM of being in Boston for July 4th so I can listen to the Boston Pops once again and watch the fireworks. The clam shell they play in is right on the Charles river. Every year I watch it because I have a friend who performs with the Pops and tears roll down my face wishing I could be there.

When I was a child we visited the USS Constitution or "Old Ironsides", so called because she was built from Oak and the canon balls used to bounce off her sides like she was made of Iron. The men on board were dressed in period costume and at the time she was still in the water. I am not sure if this is the case any longer however, I had heard something about her being in dry dock.

When you get there don't be surprised if someone asks you to put your John Hancock on the credit card slip, its local slang for your signature, referring back to John Hancock signing the constitution. He has his own building as well. Then of course there is the Prudential building that gives you a full 360 degree view of Boston.

Check out Mount Auburn Cemetary, its amazing.
Boston : Attractions : Cambridge | Frommers.com

There is a long list of famous people buried here, its a gorgeous place if you go when flowers are blooming.

One of my favorite places to visit was Salem. We toured the House of the Seven Gables and my parents purchased The Scarlett Letter and The House of the Seven Gables for me to read after visiting Nathaniel Hawthornes home. We were even allowed into the secret passage way that was used to smuggle people out because of the witch trial hysteria. I hear Salem is THE place to be for Halloween now.

[JBTD]

Originally Posted by professorsenator

So lemme get this right, syracusa. You want a place in a lively, walkable city (no dreary American suburban sprawl for you, right?). Of course, this home must be roomy, nice, and be in a safe neighborhgood and have good schools (nothing someone in Atalnta would be embarrassed of...and certainly no lousy, underachieving kids and teachers). This place must be surrounded by warm neighbors who welcome newcomers when they roll into town. Oh, and, naturally, this home must be cheap.

Bwahahaha!!! News flash: such a place doesn't exist in the U.S. And it doesn't exist in Eastern Europe, either (I know..I've been there and know people there)>

Something's gotta give, syracusa. You can live in the cool, urban, walkable Back Bay. But it will not be cheap. You can live in comfy burbs with good schools. But it will not be a cool, urban walkable setting. And you can live cheap, but the schools won't be very good.

Yes, syracusa, it sounds like you've got a bad case of European superiority-itis. Being in academia myself, I run into people with it all the time. I help them get over it by reminding them about the (usually) higher rate of unemployment back in that euroland nirvana they dream about; I refresh their memory about the staggering disparities within Europe and the EU; I prompt them to recall the awful record that most European countries have with integrating immigrants; and, of course, I remind them that European cities are also surrounded by monotonous suburbs, just like in the U.S.

So here's my advice: Come to Massachusetts. Find a nice, safe suburb with good schools and within a decent commute of your husband's work. Find a home that YOU like and can afford and don't worry about what's embarrassing in Atlanta (you aren't living there anymore...real estate there is different than here). Forget about that pipe dream of living in some uber-hip place in the heart of the city 'cause unless you happen to land an endowed chair at Harvard (or win the lotto) it isn't going to happen. Quit worrying about whether you'll fit in and be yourself and make new friends in your community, because most people are NOT snobby and, in fact, are pretty friendly, decent folks. And enjoy all the great things this state and New England have to offer.

That was lovely! I couldn't have said it better myself!

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I have to say I have never understood where this BS started that New Englanders are rude or standoffish or cold. That was not my families experience in fact if they were going to be rude and stand offish you would think it would have been to my Tall Texan Father, complete with cowboy boots he wore to church with his suit and cowboy hat he wore in winter. I have found that our friends that we have made in New England have been lifelong friends while the ones I have made in Texas were not.

I could arrive with my daughter and a couple cats in tow on a number of doorsteps in New England and we would be taken in and put up for the duration of our stay. I can't say the same of friends in Texas. In my opinion, there are places that are brimming with friendliness but its quick and superficial. When it comes to someone you can rely on, its not the same.

[syracusa]

Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren

In my opinion, there are places that are brimming with friendliness but its quick and superficial. When it comes to someone you can rely on, its not the same.

Now THIS is something I could not have said it better. Completely agree.

[HeadedWest]

Originally Posted by fairdinkumfrankies

You have to give us New Englanders a chance to get to know you. We're not just going to open up and let you in because we want to know you're character first.

And even then you might not achieve friendship. It is really hard to be accepted in New England if you didn't grow up in the town where you live.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Originally Posted by HeadedWest

And even then you might not achieve friendship. It is really hard to be accepted in New England if you didn't grow up in the town where you live.

Thats total bullox, sorry but it is.

[dem3456]

Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren

Thats total bullox, sorry but it is.

I completely agree with you.

[fairdinkumfrankies]

Originally Posted by dem3456

I completely agree with you.

I completely agree with both of you!!! My kids didn't grow up in Rochester, NH, but they are very accepted. Maybe the bottom line is that there are people whether from the north or south that are a mile wide and an inch deep while others are an inch wide but a mile deep.....I'm in the inch wide, but a mile deep category.

I could tell stories that knock on southerners real bad, but tell you how a dear friend of ours from AL living here in NH is the real deal as a friend. I guess the bottom line....everyone should stop stereotyping and judging books by its cover.

If New England was so cold and non welcoming my husband would never have married me, or move back up here twice. He is originally from Louisiana and he absolutely loves New England. IMHO I still believe keeping an open mind is the way to go.

[clevedark]

The OP should def. look at Brookline. A large international community here, walkable, decent public schools. While I don't suggest it will be smooth sailing, at least our friend will have the opportunity to meet lots of people from other countries and will have the opportunity to make some friends, study further, etc, as compared to living in further out, more typical homogenous suburbs.