Suddenly forced to move to MA and scared about it. Kindly asking for help! (Boston: fit in, real estate market)

[syracusa]

Dear forum members from MA,

I am writing to kindly ask for as many "advise cents" as you could spare - if you do not mind a somewhat longer OP.

I am a 36 yo mother of two small children, Eastern European, married to an American born and raised in the South (Atlanta area, GA/AL). I have been in the US for 11 years now and all this time I have been living in Atlanta. I am a college professor (lecturer) at a medium size university in the Atlanta area and I love what I do.

A few weeks ago our lives were seriously shook up when my husband was informed that he was laid off. The chance of him finding something else in his line of work here, is very low. At the same time, it is impossible for me to support our family of four on my lecturer salary only. To shorten the story, a job opportunity for my husband came up in the Boston area. It is relatively close to being a sure deal, so we started to face the reality that we might actually have to move to MA after all.

This is where my torturing dillemma begins:

Ever since I arrived in Atlanta from Europe, I disliked this place. To be fair, America has been a wonderful opportunity for me, in so many different ways. However, I soon learned that I am one of those less adaptable Europeans, with a deep sense of roots, a subconscious obssession that "if it's not like in Europe it ain't passing the test", and an overall nostalgia for what I left behind when I left Europe. (Americans call these "annoying/obnoxious Europeans" and I do not necessarily blame them ).

Shamefully, I was incredibly ignorant about America and its overall lifestyle before arriving on this continent at the age of 24. Atlanta was a shock after having imagined it like the "big city/metropolis" I was told it was.
To me "big city" meant, of course, big "European city": pedestrians everywhere, parks and gardens, lively glamorous plazas, boulevards, monuments and museums, the works.

From that moment on, due to the huge discrepancy between my imagined Atlanta and the real Atlanta, I developed an obssesion about moving back to Europe...or, worst case scenario, the most "European-ish" place in America one could find. Guess which one was this supposed to be?

Boston!! - people kept saying.

OK, Boston. Though I still wanted to just be back to Europe.

In the meantime, for better or for worse, and for pragmatic reasons I will not elaborate on here, my life had to continue in Atlanta. I got married, this is where I finished my PhD (graduating from the much less glamorous Georgia State University than where I got my MS from, which was Oxford University, England); this is where I had both of my children, this is where I had all of my jobs so far. It's been 11 years.

Because I suffer from severe aerophobia (fear of flying), I never traveled much within the US, so I have never been to Boston - which is the American city I have wanted to visit the most, especially after all the hoopla about Boston being like Europe (or should we say England?).

And now, here's our opportunity. We are invited by life to step into it and just move to Boston, the "It" place I had been told about for 11 years now. Unfortunately, when my husband told me about it, instead of seeing it as the opportunity I had been flirting with for years, I just panicked.

All the downsides of this situation are haunting me like crazy now and I am scared out of my witts.

1. I will have to give up my job - and not ANY job: a nice academic position, which I anticipate will be horribly hard to replace in the Boston area, where I will be fighting 1000 Ivy Leaguers with 1000 publications on their CV-s minus the diapers I have had to deal with in the past 4 years.
And how good is "Georgia State University" going to look on my resume in the eyes of academic New Englanders? Ouch!!

2. We will not know ANYBODY there, and will not have ANY family there - neither mine (in Eastern Europe), nor husband's (in the South).

3. We will have to deal with an insidious "class" issue (in-crowd, out-crowd) which is a theme that surfaced over and over again in the reports I have received from a variety of Americans about the Northeast (states like MA, CT, etc).

4. The housing market: we looked at it on the Internet and just about had a nervous breakdown. I have seen half a million dollar houses in supposed good school districts that people in the Atlanta area would be ashamed to live in. Literally.

Regarding no 3, this is one aspect I heard about over and over again: if you move there, you will be an "outsider" and you will always be treated as such. Many people there have roots, they've been living there for generations and there is a sense of "clique" and complicity which the newcomers are made to feel one way or another; and if you're coming from the South, this might not necessarily be a good thing.

The reason why I tend to believe this accusation, at least partially, is because I have seen it at work in Europe; and since New Englanders are supposed to be the most "European-ish" of all Americans, I would not be surprised. I know how great it is to be part of the established local clique and how awful it is to NOT be part of it. When you were born and raised in Europe you get to KNOW about such things. (Speaking of the downsides of Europe, which I nevertheless miss so much because it is home, after all).

To wrap all this up, please tell me the TRUTH:

1. Are my fears unfounded? All this talk about "cliques", "class", "upper crust" pretentions, "gate-keepers" and the like, are they as bad as I have heard? I even heard someone talking about school bullying on such grounds, which really worries me.

I, myself - taken separately - would not be intimidated by this aspect.
In Europe you learn to play the game of "class", like it or not. I could certainly flaunt it darn well if I were forced to, even with the "thinnest" noses of America, but I despise the idea in and of itself. However, I do worry about my husband's and my children's background - they will afterall be "Southerners" over there. My husband is an educated man with political philosophies substantially to the left - but at the end of the day, he might still remain a "southerner with an accent" in MA, and nothing else.
And my son will surely have to drop the "bo-waal" pronounciation of "ball". (I am still trying to figure out where he got this from).

2. With a salary of 95,000-100,000 (my husband's) and no promise for me in academia at this moment, what kind of house can we hope for? My husband keeps telling me that I should eventually find something in academia so I can supplement the family income, even if it is only some part-time teaching, but I have no idea what my real chances are over there, especially in this horrible economy.
(Note: there is not one single chance under the sun that I would ever go back to an office, 8-5 job). I'd prefer to work 24 h a day from home in academia; or work the fields; or live in a dump).

3. My husband's job will be in Reading. What towns/suburbs would you recommend? We would love "educated population, not just in degree, but also in real life, personal interests and in the quality of converation, some city feel, the further from rural the better, kids playing outside, no "newbie/establishment" divisions).

This is probably a tall order, but I am giving it a try.

Thank you so much for the patience to read all this mess - and best of wishes!

[nanciegord]

Syracusa~ First, I appreciate your position and your fears contained with your heartfelt post. I too have just moved to Mass. from the south. I'm older than you, but had a lot of the same concerns. You know what? Bloom where you are planted. Think of it as an adventure, a chance to try a new place. It will either work for you, or not. If not, you can take the time to research other places which might be more conducive to you and your family. Even if you don't know anyone here in Mass., you have your husband and your children, which is great to start off with. Your children will open doors to you meeting new, hopefully like-minded people. Have a great atttitude. Live by the golden rule. You may be pleasantly surprised with where those will take you. As far as your son's accent, yes, he may find out it's easier to talk differently than put up with the teasing, but that's not a huge thing.
Best of luck to you and your family

[CaseyB]

Hmm, well I guess I will try to jump in and I'm sure others will contribute.

" My husband's job will be in Reading. What towns/suburbs would you recommend? We would love "educated population, not just in degree, but also in real life, personal interests and in the quality of converation, some city feel, the further from rural the better, kids playing outside, no "newbie/establishment" divisions)."

Ok, Reading is a suburban town, I would not call it rural. Most of the immediate suburbs in the Boston area are not rural (to us). However, if you wanted to visit Boston with the various cultural attractiions, it's not very far. We do have an extensive public transportatiion system, so it's easy to do. We don't have the kind of subdivisions that you are probably used to seeing in the South, so you won't get that sterile look (plenty of trees, houses don't all look alike, etc,). You'd let your kids play outside in that kind of environment.

As far as educated? I guess it is all relative isn't it? Not all the educated people live in the city and not all people who live in the city are educated by a long shot. If you are looking for cultural activities, you won't have any trouble.

As far as which suburbs we would recommend, that would depend on your budget and whether your children are old enough to attend school yet. I would strongly recommend renting until you are sure you want to stay in the area.

As far as Boston being like a European city? I guess maybe if you compare it to other American cities, parts of it could be. I think New York fits the bill more than Boston, though. I doubt any American city would remind you of Europe. I will say, you will be pleasantly surprised at the quality of the food choices here, relative to Atlanta.

Be sure to take a look at our picture threads at the top of the Boston and Massachusetts forums. You'll get a better picture of what the area looks like.

[dem3456]

Interesting post.

I don't think that the talk of New England being full of cliques is very true at all. Its stereotypical in a way. I have lived here all my life so I could just be used to it, but I would suspect people in New England will probably be a lot like the ones you met in Atlanta. Maybe a little more reserved at first, but if you can make friends elsewhere, I don't think it will be a problem to meet people here as well. Perhaps this stereotype comes from the image of Boston as a place with stark class divisions, with old-money bluebloods and Irish immigrants and busing riots. However, all of that is mostly gone, I believe. Boston is not as segregated as some would lead you to think. And being from the South wouldn't be a problem with the vast majority of people. Nobody is going to think your children are stupid because they have an accent.

In my opinion, your husband's salary is more than enough to get you what I would consider a nice house. My parents get by with less than that amount in their combined income and have four children, and we are doing alright. I'm not an expert on the real estate market, but I am sure you could find something affordable in a nice neighborhood.

As far as what town to live in, I will let other people suggest those. I'm not too familiar with the area north of Boston around Reading, but just to let you know, I haven't heard anything bad about it. And just to conclude, I have never been to Europe, but I would guess that aside from a few small similarities, Boston isn't really like Europe at all. Its different than Atlanta though, so like nanciegord said, think of this as a kind of adventure, and be open to experiencing something new.

I hope this helps!

[Beachcomber4]

Originally Posted by syracusa

1. I will have to give up my job - and not ANY job: a nice academic position, which I anticipate will be horribly hard to replace in the Boston area, where I will be fighting 1000 Ivy Leaguers with 1000 publications on their CV-s minus the diapers I have had to deal with in the past 4 years.
And how good is "Georgia State University" going to look on my resume in the eyes of academic New Englanders? Ouch!!

2. We will not know ANYBODY there, and will not have ANY family there - neither mine (in Eastern Europe), nor husband's (in the South).

3. We will have to deal with an insidious "class" issue (in-crowd, out-crowd) which is a theme that surfaced over and over again in the reports I have received from a variety of Americans about the Northeast (states like MA, CT, etc).

4. The housing market: we looked at it on the Internet and just about had a nervous breakdown. I have seen half a million dollar houses in supposed good school districts that people in the Atlanta area would be ashamed to live in. Literally.

Regarding no 3, this is one aspect I heard about over and over again: if you move there, you will be an "outsider" and you will always be treated as such. Many people there have roots, they've been living there for generations and there is a sense of "clique" and complicity which the newcomers are made to feel one way or another; and if you're coming from the South, this might not necessarily be a good thing.

The reason why I tend to believe this accusation, at least partially, is because I have seen it at work in Europe; and since New Englanders are supposed to be the most "European-ish" of all Americans, I would not be surprised. I know how great it is to be part of the established local clique and how awful it is to NOT be part of it. When you were born and raised in Europe you get to KNOW about such things. (Speaking of the downsides of Europe, which I nevertheless miss so much because it is home, after all).

To wrap all this up, please tell me the TRUTH:

1. Are my fears unfounded? All this talk about "cliques", "class", "upper crust" pretentions, "gate-keepers" and the like, are they as bad as I have heard? I even heard someone talking about school bullying on such grounds, which really worries me.

I, myself - taken separately - would not be intimidated by this aspect.
In Europe you learn to play the game of "class", like it or not. I could certainly flaunt it darn well if I were forced to, even with the "thinnest" noses of America, but I despise the idea in and of itself. However, I do worry about my husband's and my children's background - they will afterall be "Southerners" over there. My husband is an educated man with political philosophies substantially to the left - but at the end of the day, he might still remain a "southerner with an accent" in MA, and nothing else.
And my son will surely have to drop the "bo-waal" pronounciation of "ball". (I am still trying to figure out where he got this from).

2. With a salary of 95,000-100,000 (my husband's) and no promise for me in academia at this moment, what kind of house can we hope for? My husband keeps telling me that I should eventually find something in academia so I can supplement the family income, even if it is only some part-time teaching, but I have no idea what my real chances are over there, especially in this horrible economy.
(Note: there is not one single chance under the sun that I would ever go back to an office, 8-5 job). I'd prefer to work 24 h a day from home in academia; or work the fields; or live in a dump).

3. My husband's job will be in Reading. What towns/suburbs would you recommend? We would love "educated population, not just in degree, but also in real life, personal interests and in the quality of converation, some city feel, the further from rural the better, kids playing outside, no "newbie/establishment" divisions).

This is probably a tall order, but I am giving it a try.

Thank you so much for the patience to read all this mess - and best of wishes!

First of all, I apologize for any typos etc. I have had 6 extra teenage boys here for the past 5 days and I am drained! LOL

Okay, now breathe. I know this is a scary step but with a positive attitude, you might be pleasantly surprised.

I can see the comparison that some people make between Boston and European cities. Boston is definately a walking city and boasts modern architecture intermingled with beautiful old historic buildings and sites. It is a friendly city, one where I think tourists and natives are able to intermingle. IT is a college town so you will see lots of students from all over the world. I think that adds quite a bit of flavor as well.

Cliques and class issues? They do exist but the people who are most bothered by that usually seem to want something they don't have. If you are comfortable and happy with who you are and where you are, you will not have a problem nor will your children. I know what you are saying though. Some people will leave you thinking that their are rampant gangs of Lilly Pullitzer wearing, Range Rover Driving, Nantucket Weekender, Private School Moms who terrorize those who are less fortunate. Not so. In Boston in particular, outward signs of wealth were usually not displayed by the true bluebloods (Brahmin). I think there has been a shift back to that philosophy since this most recent economic downturn. I can attest to knowing many old money, self made people who would appear to be someone much less fortunate if you were to meet them on the street. So flaunting is not necessary.

In regard to homes in MA vs Atlanta. Yes, your dollar does not go as far here as it does in Atlanta. Five hundred thousand dollars in a town with a very good school system does not buy much. I've always felt that owning one's own home was an accomplishment to be proud of- no matter the size or zip code.

There are many opportunities for you to teach here in Massachusetts. I do hope a college position opens up for you and with so many colleges, I would think that will happen. In the meantime, there are many wonderful private high schools where I would think a person of such a diverse background would be welcomed. I would say the same for public education but with recent budget cuts, teachers seem to be in less demand in that sector. Private tutoring might be another outlet for you. It would give you the opportunity to meet other people who value education and it would allow you to still teach and contribute financially. I do know that is a thriving business given the level of competition for a student to get into even a state college or university. From the sound of your post you are passionate about teaching and I think that will show through to any potential employer.

I would not be worried about any stigma based on being from the south or being from Eastern Europe. Most people will be curious about how you both arrived in the area and will truly be interested to hear about it. I think there is something about anyone who chooses to come to MA that people find fascinating. The further away, you move from, the more exotic you become. Perhaps it's because there are some towns where people literally spend their entire lives. Whole neighborhoods where if a house is sold, its usually to a relative or someone who grew up in the neighborhood and wants to get back in. I've always found it strange but for many people, that's normal.

I hope I have helped alleviate your fears. I can not speak to what life will be like living on your husband's salary alone. What is a neccessity for some is a luxury for others and visa versa. I would think you would have to look at your lifestyle now and decide if his new salary will cause you to have to make any drastic changes.

Best wishes to you and your family in your move!

[professorsenator]

So lemme get this right, syracusa. You want a place in a lively, walkable city (no dreary American suburban sprawl for you, right?). Of course, this home must be roomy, nice, and be in a safe neighborhgood and have good schools (nothing someone in Atalnta would be embarrassed of...and certainly no lousy, underachieving kids and teachers). This place must be surrounded by warm neighbors who welcome newcomers when they roll into town. Oh, and, naturally, this home must be cheap.

Bwahahaha!!! News flash: such a place doesn't exist in the U.S. And it doesn't exist in Eastern Europe, either (I know..I've been there and know people there)>

Something's gotta give, syracusa. You can live in the cool, urban, walkable Back Bay. But it will not be cheap. You can live in comfy burbs with good schools. But it will not be a cool, urban walkable setting. And you can live cheap, but the schools won't be very good.

Yes, syracusa, it sounds like you've got a bad case of European superiority-itis. Being in academia myself, I run into people with it all the time. I help them get over it by reminding them about the (usually) higher rate of unemployment back in that euroland nirvana they dream about; I refresh their memory about the staggering disparities within Europe and the EU; I prompt them to recall the awful record that most European countries have with integrating immigrants; and, of course, I remind them that European cities are also surrounded by monotonous suburbs, just like in the U.S.

So here's my advice: Come to Massachusetts. Find a nice, safe suburb with good schools and within a decent commute of your husband's work. Find a home that YOU like and can afford and don't worry about what's embarrassing in Atlanta (you aren't living there anymore...real estate there is different than here). Forget about that pipe dream of living in some uber-hip place in the heart of the city 'cause unless you happen to land an endowed chair at Harvard (or win the lotto) it isn't going to happen. Quit worrying about whether you'll fit in and be yourself and make new friends in your community, because most people are NOT snobby and, in fact, are pretty friendly, decent folks. And enjoy all the great things this state and New England have to offer.

[syracusa]

Originally Posted by professorsenator

So lemme get this right, syracusa. You want a place in a lively, walkable city (no dreary American suburban sprawl for you, right?). Of course, this home must be roomy, nice, and be in a safe neighborhgood and have good schools (nothing someone in Atalnta would be embarrassed of...and certainly no lousy, underachieving kids and teachers). This place must be surrounded by warm neighbors who welcome newcomers when they roll into town. Oh, and, naturally, this home must be cheap.

Bwahahaha!!! News flash: such a place doesn't exist in the U.S. And it doesn't exist in Eastern Europe, either (I know..I've been there and know people there)>

Something's gotta give, syracusa. You can live in the cool, urban, walkable Back Bay. But it will not be cheap. You can live in comfy burbs with good schools. But it will not be a cool, urban walkable setting. And you can live cheap, but the schools won't be very good.

Yes, syracusa, it sounds like you've got a bad case of European superiority-itis. Being in academia myself, I run into people with it all the time. I help them get over it by reminding them about the (usually) higher rate of unemployment back in that euroland nirvana they dream about; I refresh their memory about the staggering disparities within Europe and the EU; I prompt them to recall the awful record that most European countries have with integrating immigrants; and, of course, I remind them that European cities are also surrounded by monotonous suburbs, just like in the U.S.

So here's my advice: Come to Massachusetts. Find a nice, safe suburb with good schools and within a decent commute of your husband's work. Find a home that YOU like and can afford and don't worry about what's embarrassing in Atlanta (you aren't living there anymore...real estate there is different than here). Forget about that pipe dream of living in some uber-hip place in the heart of the city 'cause unless you happen to land an endowed chair at Harvard (or win the lotto) it isn't going to happen. Quit worrying about whether you'll fit in and be yourself and make new friends in your community, because most people are NOT snobby and, in fact, are pretty friendly, decent folks. And enjoy all the great things this state and New England have to offer.

Thank you everyone for all the responses, including the snappy-sarcastic post by professorsenator, which I knew was coming, sooner or later. That it came from someone in academia, it is not a surprise. :-). That it came from someone in New England academia...could it simply confirm my fears?


Remains to be seen.

You may have noticed, professorsenator, that when I posted, I revealed certain vulnerabilities I have - all in good faith, and all for the sake of clarity and receiving accurate answers. I humbly admitted my shortcomings just to give my story the necessary context and nuance.
We could discuss years in a row about this condition you call "European superiority-isis" but this would be beyond the scope of this thread, wouldn't it?

The purpose of mentioning my nostalgia for Europe was certainly not to create yet another opportunity to be reminded how bad Europeans like myself are. All I said was that I've always missed Europe since I came to Atlanta.
I am not a highly adaptable-to-new-environments person and Europe was my comfort zone. I do not care to elaborate on the Euronirvana you were talking about (this could be a whole different thread), but Europe WAS my home until I was 24; and for better or for worse, I miss it.

So what is so horrible about wanting to live in a place that reminds you at least somewhat of home?

I am ready to bet that, had I mentioned the same type of nostalgia for some place in Africa, the beaches of Australia, or what have you, I would not have encountered the same sarcastic tone. But if it's about Europe - the insecure claws come out.

No, I am not as naive to expect to live cheaply in "hipster", yet safe, warm and everything-in-between town in America. (And, by the way, let's establish how we define "cheap").
I DO hope though to be able to find a decent compromise that we could live with.

As for hipster, I have noticed that, what many Americans call "hipster" today, I took for granted my entire childhood and youth, while yes: living cheaply, safely, comfortably, in extremely solid new construction, with immediate access to 1000 cultural experiences, and going to schools apparently good enough to get many of us all-inclusive scholarships at Ivy League higher-ed institutions, in a language that wasn't even one we were born with [Ok, I had my nostalgia orgasm :-) ]

Oh, well - that was my childhood and adolescence under socialism, but I agree in advance, those days are gone and the discussion is irrelevant now.

"Hipster" aside, a good school district is indeed no 1 on our priority list. And yes, "lousy, underachieving students and teachers" will not do. I am not sure whether the sarcastic tone was a code for "one should NOT discriminate against lousy, underachieving students and teachers", but if it was, too bad. Because I will continue to discriminate. Same applies for "dreary American suburban sprawl". Does not wanting to live like this in America mean wanting to live in "hipster" town?
Given I have not traveled a lot in the US, I am learning a bit every day - seriously speaking; and I appreciate it.

Our house budget will probably be around 325,000.
400,000 would cause serious pain if husband remains the only provider; if I somehow land a teaching position at any local college (I honestly think the Harvard comment was unnecessary), husband says we could even go to 450,000 - comfortably. But my chance of finding something in academia remains an engima for us at the moment.

Thank you so, so much for everyone's help and comments. I am really learning. Thank you!!

[CoastalMaine]

I don't know that I'd call Boston a small Europe... in style or flavor.. but if you live up here, you will be a days drive from Montreal. THAT is highly European in flavor and style.

The rest of the advice given reads soundly.

Good luck!

[professorsenator]

Syracuse, I threw some sarcasm at you because your original post oozes of the "this-place-is-a-cultural-and-human-wasteland, why-am-I-so-cursed-to-be-here?" mindset which is, sadly, expressed all too often (just as Europeans rightly recoil at the jingoistic "how-much-does-this-cost-in-real-money, them-Europeans-are-a-bunch-of-cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys" ugly Americanism that all too many people in the U.S. exhibit). I find both positions to be tired, worn-out, prejudicial, laughingly simplistic, and (hence) quite close minded.

People in the U.S. are generally friendly. But if you begin with the mindset and attitude that home was so much better and this place stinks (and, frankly, that is exactly the message that your original post not-very-subtly conveyed), then people are likely to be defensive and toss back some attitude toward you. Perhaps it was not your intention to convey such an attitude, but convey it you did.

I don't doubt that you had a lovely upbriging in (what was for you) an ideal setting. But surely you realize that not all Europeans share in such idyllic origins -- that individual context matters a great deal both in the U.S. and in Europe. And replicating that context across eras, generations, and national borders is a low probability event for most people.

Now, back to finding a house for you and your family.

I would suggest looking up MCAS scores for towns in the region. Start here: MCAS Results - Massachusetts Comprehensive Assessment System

No, MCAS scores are not prefect indicators of school quality (hold the flames, folks). And you'll note that the state assiduously avoids making specific school rankings (lest it be seen what is known by all -- that some schools are better than others). But you're smart enough to look at the data and figure out what's what. Anyway, look at the scores and then go to a real estate web site like redfin.com or realtor.com and find housing within your price range in a town with good schools that's close to your husband's work.

As for finding work as a visiting lecturer: I obviously don't know your field, but I would suggest peppering department chairs at every college in the region with a cover letter and CV. I'm sure you know that every department has some kind of hiring mechanism for part-timers/non tenure track faculty (some delegate it to the chair, some have a committee). Get your CV out there! And it wouldn't hurt to send a friendly reminder close to when the semester begins and positions sometimes open up at the last minute.

Enjoy Massachusetts! I think it's great. There is much to do nearby, and if you get the tired, cliched "the-suburbs-are-desolate" chip off your shoulder, I'll bet you'll discover all sorts of interesting things going on in a wide variety of places. Intellectual life in the Bay State does occur outside of Cambridge.

Finally, quit posting on CD and pubish more! (oh, wait...that's what I should be doing )

[sayulita]

Originally Posted by professorsenator

Syracuse, I threw some sarcasm at you because your original post oozes of the "this-place-is-a-cultural-and-human-wasteland, why-am-I-so-cursed-to-be-here?" mindset which is, sadly, expressed all too often (just as Europeans rightly recoil at the jingoistic "how-much-does-this-cost-in-real-money, them-Europeans-are-a-bunch-of-cheese-eating-surrender-monkeys" ugly Americanism that all too many people in the U.S. exhibit). I find both positions to be tired, worn-out, prejudicial, laughingly simplistic, and (hence) quite close minded.

I don't doubt that you had a lovely upbriging in (what was for you) an ideal setting. But surely you realize that not all Europeans share in such idyllic origins -- that individual context matters a great deal both in the U.S. and in Europe. And replicating that context across eras, generations, and national borders is a low probability event for most people.
)

Syracusa was saying no such thing. Her post was self-aware, humble and sincere. I would venture to say that you have not lived outside the country for any period of time. It is entirely natural and human to yearn for and value the country of your youth. The comfort it gives is irreplaceable. Even someone from the bleakest, most corrupt country in the world will find themselves yearning for it at times. Your mother, your school, the food, the culture, everything about it is ingrained in you, hard wired if you will. Syracusa appears to have adapted beautifully to living in the States, but she can hardly be blamed for missing some of the beauties of Europe she grew up with. There ARE aspects of European life that are superior to ours. The reverse is true as well. Even when superiority is not the issue, difference is. She is doing her very best to mitigate her homesickness and find a comfortable place to land for herself and her family. Her fears and trepidations are normal and should not be disparaged so heavy handedly.
Syracusa, I know nothing about Boston, but with your sincere desire to fit in, your beautiful command of the language and your educational credentials, I would hope that you will find yourself welcomed wherever you settle. I hope you still have a bit of an accent, because, truth be told, most Americans find this mysterious and very attractive! Most will also be secretly a little bit in awe of you because of your European upbringing. Be proud and don't be afraid to bring the best of your culture to whatever setting you're in. Heaven knows we could use it!