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I believe what Jungjohann is saying (and uncle shut me down if im wrong k?) is its very difficult for alot of locals to get really close to anyone new because a huge percentage of people end up leaving. Imagine 5 out of every 6th person you meet besides other locals in a few years leaves. For someone who lives a life time on an island that can add up, get very old and cause alot of personal heartache. Even children are not immune to this issue. I lost some really close people like this when i lived in Hawaii. So i can understand the being kinda distant boundary that locals put up. Imagine life without that boundary? That doesn't mean we are not giving kindnes, courtesy and respect(aloha) its just at a less personal level.
I wonder why the op is meeting so many people with drug and alcohol problems? I doubt maui has any more serious drug issues than any other state on the mainland. perhaps it is your job, most people here who have a decent job and work to survive and feed their families are not on drugs or drink to excess. perhaps upgrading your job would help in meeting better people to become friends with. same thing for dating, if you have a crap job without any real hope for promotion or better pay most women with something going for them would rather date someone who is more secure. not man women want to date an out of shape guy who hanf=gs with druggies and drunks.
You come to Maui knowing you're going to be a short term resident and find it hard to make friends? What did you expect? When I meet new folks out on the water or down at the beach, the moment they mention that they've been here for only a year or two, a little switch goes off in my head and I no longer give them a second thought. It's not lack of 'Aloha', it's just 'why bother'. All of my friends in Hawaii have been here for at least 20 years, if not longer.
Totally agree - there is no point in befriending people who have been here 2 years or less - because befriending them or not - it is practically guaranteed they are short timers, taking the time to get them know and then see them go poof isn't worth it. Although, I don't wait 20 years either. My rule of thumb is if here 2 years or less - 90% chance of leaving at year 2 point. Make it past 2 years, 50/50 you'll at least make it to 5 years.
Location: From chocolate, cheese and mountains to aloha
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I can totally understand Jungjohann's point. Even if I find his own personal mark at when he starts making friends a bit high/long. But hey, that is a very personal decision. I find it amazing too that people who move and have been just under or around two years at a place expect to feel the same as where they came from... Relationships take time, so does settling in at a new place. People who don't understand that should read the passage where the Little Prince of Le petit prince befriends the fox. One step at the time. My oldest friends (we're going on almost 40 years now) has lived so many different places. She reckons it takes 3 years before you're halfway comfortable in a new place. 1st year is super exciting. Everything is new and you discover new things. 2nd year is the hardest as reality sets in, you're not yet integrated. Start getting frustrated at things (in her case mostly not speaking the language in many places), the honeymoon is over. Then year three you start getting over the hump. And by year four or five you might feel at home (she only once got to that place, and I think she'd move back to that city in a heartbeat). We have been coming to Maui for many years. Even have some people I'd call friends, lots of acuaintances. But if we were to move I'd give myself 5 years before judging it. Currently we live in a place with a good number of transient people. A lot of expats come and go. I know people all over the world now and find it wonderful. But I also have very deep roots and people in my life I have known since early childhood. Some of whom now live abroad. I think dating is hard any place these days and the drugs... I really don't think Maui is that much worse than some other places...At least the OP tried, even if in my opinion the experiment is ended prematurely...
Totally agree - there is no point in befriending people who have been here 2 years or less - because befriending them or not - it is practically guaranteed they are short timers, taking the time to get them know and then see them go poof isn't worth it. Although, I don't wait 20 years either. My rule of thumb is if here 2 years or less - 90% chance of leaving at year 2 point. Make it past 2 years, 50/50 you'll at least make it to 5 years.
If I didn't befriend folks who stayed in Hawaiʻi for less than 2 years, I wouldn't know anyone if I went to Papeʻete, Suva, Port Moresby, Avarua, Niigata, Pusan, Perth, Montreal, New Orleans, Anchorage, Antwerp, or Cape Town. However, thanks to the internet and things like Skype, Facebook, Twitter, etc., it's relatively easy to keep in touch with friends no matter where they happen to be located in the world.
If I didn't befriend folks who stayed in Hawaiʻi for less than 2 years, I wouldn't know anyone if I went to Papeʻete, Suva, Port Moresby, Avarua, Niigata, Pusan, Perth, Montreal, New Orleans, Anchorage, Antwerp, or Cape Town. However, thanks to the internet and things like Skype, Facebook, Twitter, etc., it's relatively easy to keep in touch with friends no matter where they happen to be located in the world.
Unfortunately, I don't have that much time on my hands. And I'd rather go sightseeing in those places than hang out with Skype aquaintences
It's not a negative answer, it's realistic. Hawaii is 'cursed' with this label 'paradise'. People come over here ALL THE TIME expecting some kind of a mythical Island solution to their problems. Hell, if it's indeed 'paradise' how can anything possibly go wrong? ANYONE moving here expecting an environment even remotely similar to 'paradise' is just setting themselves up for disappointment and heartbreak. And you 'spent' a lot of years on Maui, why didn't you stay?
We owned a condo and due to serious health issues in the family and eventually we tired of being limited to an island. We made many, many friends there, whom we still keep in touch with and several have visited us. We also return occasionally and see our friends while we are there. Friendship is universal and distance does not erase friendships, unless you let it. No place is "paradise." It's true many go to HI on vacation and are enchanted with the beauty, gorgeous beaches and laid back lifestyle (compared to most places on the mainland). When reality strikes i.e. lack of jobs, high cost of living, etc. they're in shock. However if they have made friends, good friends, many will maintain contact even when they leave.
Unfortunately, I don't have that much time on my hands. And I'd rather go sightseeing in those places than hang out with Skype aquaintences
My friends in those places are the ones that take me sightseeing and show me all of the good local hangouts. Moreover, in terms of networking, I usually become fairly acquainted with their friends and relatives as well, so it doesn't take me long to get to know dozens of folks in a particular locale within a relatively short amount of time.
Have you considered getting physically fit - seems that would mitigate the issue.
Geez whtviper1, EVERYBODY considers it. It's just that follow thru thing. Mumm, something smells good BBQ!
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