carlos123

Oops. There it is! I see your message now Mark. I wrote you a message under your profile saying I had lost it. Thank God it's still there. Got's to go though. Building is closing down where I am. Will get back to you as soon as I can Mark.

Hang in there bro!

Carlos

Don't mind saying what I need to here, if anyone else pops by, they can hear my long and winding road too if that would interest them!

I have been divorced for five years now and I still am clinging to God to restore me. It has shaken me to my core, I never, ever thought I would be in this place. I was in full time ministry, my wife also, and I failed to see what a shallow framework the marriage had been built on. I failed miserably in many ways, but I also had a faith that God was working in both of us and using the tough times to grow us closer together and to him. I still am shocked to realize I am a divorcee.

I have the four most wonderful children in the world, I relocated from Atlanta to Dallas to be near them when she moved during our separation to be nearer to her family. Money and family dynamics got in the way. I am not from money and she is and they closed ranks when they found out the marriage was in trouble, not because they were against me so much, but so that I could be separated from her sizeable inheritance. Of course there were other factors, but I know many couples that without this money thing over their heads, have worked thru much more challenging circumstances than anything we ever faced and have come thru the fire closer and stronger than ever. For the life of me, I cannot understand why a couple who are both devoted to Christ allowed the enemy to wreck a family. I played my part and accept my areas of weakness, but I never gave up on faith in God to heal and restore. She couldn't see it that way however.

I have been in a dry season spiritually, but I know God is working in a deep, deep way in my heart and mind. I am at a place and have been for a while where He is all that I have. I have sung these types of songs "You're all I Need" "Only You" "You are my All in All" .... easeir to sing than to live, but that is what I am living.

Financially I am at a point of day to day. It is scary, I have debts, I have expenses with four kids and maintaining a place for them to come when I have them, and the stress of it all has got me down. Being in commission sales is tough, never know when a good check will come and then a bad one. Having to deal with the public that for the most part think car salesmen are cheats is draining as well.

Gosh, didn't know this would come out so gloomy. Guess I needed someone to vent my frustrations to. So many times we put on a good face to those that know us cause we don't want to burden them or feel like we aren't living a victorious life. Moving to TX, I have found a good church and made some friends, but I don't have the close connections that I left behind in GA. I really am lonely.

I was attracted to your postings because it sounds like you are one who has been thru worse than me yet you have stayed stong in your faith and have joy. Haven't even met you, but I can tell by what you post that you are full of the Spirit and have the fruit of the same Spirit abundant in your life.

Don't know what else except to pray that God would bless my finances, even to the point of getting me a new place of work. My degree in college was music, I have a masters degree from seminary, have been a worship leader most of my life, have a pastors heart, am more on the meek/emotional side and just don't have a strong attitude for the cutthroat business world. Yet God has me in this place selling cars, I know he is in it and is dealing with issues in my character, making me less sensitive, able to deal better with conflict, things I used to fear instead of dealing with like a man. I never had much of a financial brain... I am VERY frugal, but still, managing money is not my best stength. She used to take care of the budget and bills and stuff. I get in trouble because of neglect more than anything, am not a spendthrift at all, but I am still in a place financially that has me in bondage. Please pray. I can't say I have been totally faithful with my tithe, for most of my life, yes, but in the past years when it was tough, I let fear rule and didn't give with the heart of one bringing God his first fruits.

I so want to go to a deeper level of trust and faith. Most of those I work with think I am the strongest Christian they have ever met, but I am finding myself writing this to you to say I am frustrated and find myself in a dry desert place. I know God is my all and he totally loves me and has not forsaken me on one level, yet I struggle with this truth on another plane.

Thanks for taking the time to consider this. Please pray. Any words of encourgement are welcome. Thank you my online brother......... Mark

Look forward to hearing more from you Saintmarks! Whenever you have time bro.

Incidentally...if you want more privacy in our communication...I think any messages posted here...even one's that we might DM to each other..are publicly viewable, feel free to email me [deleted my own email address]. That's my business email but I am using that one for important personal communications too since my long standing Yahoo account has proven less than absolutely reliable.

You can DM me too. Either way is fine Saintmarks but I thought I would give you that option in case you might prefer that.

Carlos

Bless you Carlos, will send more later!

Saintmarks