Singlehood and interracial dating in Memphis

[KeraKera]

Originally Posted by thenuegeye

Listen to klmrphy. The others aren't being honest. That whole "it's like that anywhere" argument is tired. You're asking about Memphis. Not everywhere else. Black women here really hate it when they see a black dude with a white chick too. Yet they have the worst attitudes of all Memphians. Go figure.

Really? So now you are the voice for black women? You've surveyed the black women in the area and compiled evidence that they hate interracial relationships? Classic.

[thefineprint]

I am a black woman married to a white man. Funny enough, the most racism I have encountered was from other blacks. Now, leaving Memphis city limits to visit small towns in the surrounding areas...that is a whole other story. That is generally where we encounter white racism. Generally speaking though, it hasn't been a problem from either side in Memphis but everyone once in a while you will get some hooligans shouting from a car if you are walking around a less than ideal neighborhood. Midtown, downtown, east memphis, bartlett, germantown, etc. you will be treated just fine. Just stay out of the 'hood'. lol

[ehandy12]

I am a single black women. I was married to a wonderful man who passed away in 2007./ There are several comments I want to make. This is in response to one of the comments about black women hating on interracial couples. As for me, I don't have any problems seeing mixed couples especially if they look cute together. Yes, there are some people who do not have a life and want to display how ignorant they are by staring, being rude, or loudly saying negative things to make sure that other people can hear. They focus on other people regardless of color because they are unhappy with themselves. Anyway, I personally welcome you to Memphis. I hope you find a wonderful African American man to have fun and possibly create a relationship with./ Also, it is true that there are a lot of married men in Memphis. That has truly been the problem for me of having many married men try to date me./ I have gone out on dates with several people who were single, and they were for the most part interesting, but they just wasn't my type./ However, if you have the opportunity to be closer to your family, by all means, stay in Memphis, the outskirts of Memphis, or in Mississippi. It won't hurt but to live here for a moment and give it a try. I wish you the best.

[ColliervilleMom]

I'm usually guilty of a second glance, but just because I think it's cool. I love to see interracial dating, and can't wait for the day that race is a non-issue. One place I find a lot of interracial couples is at my church, the Life Church.

[hex_haight]

the climate of memphis is hard to explain, but i can vouch that thenueguy usually knows what he's talking about. =) there are parts of town where just dressing out of style with the local neighborhood will get you looked at like you are from mars and you need to be robbed or arrested. then there are parts of town where you can dress like a penguin and no one cares. do i think you'll encounter at least a few haters in Memphis for your dating preference? yes. but you'll encounter haters just because of your race and the part of town you'll live in. a white male friend of mine dated a black female friend of mine for about a year. when we'd go out, some times i'd notice people staring, but i did not know if it was because of the race thing or because he is six three with long long black hair and she was all of five four and insanely cute....in otherwords, both of them could walk into a room alone and get stares....i never heard any one actually say anything. memphians aren't exactly open minded, nor well informed on trends and cultures outisde of the mid south. even i've been guilty of thinking to myself when i see an interacial couple," why does it seem interacial couples in memphis are consistantly made up of a black dude and a larger white chick with blonde hair? i rarely see white dude/black chick, and i do not think i've ever seen black dude/white chick who is not blonde. wonder why this is???" i keep this rubbish sort of thinking to myself, as i know how crappy it feels to have people staring at you because you don't fit into their little boxes, but it still flashes thru my mind. probably the same way that i see little old ladies look at my mohawk wondering if i use glue to keep it up right...this is the south and so anything that goes against traditional norms does tend to stand out a bit more here...you just kinda get used to it and all the ignorance..sad, but you just do.
as far as singles scene...couldn't tell you...i've given up entirely on this city offering anything for anyone under the age of 40 that isn't doing the 'married, 2.5 five kids' lifestyle or staying completely off their head drunk/drugged lifestyle. i have no idea if that is just a white single young folks problem. i met my long term boyfriend when he still had a girlfriend, told him to look me up when he got tired of little girls and wanted a grown woman. about a year later, he showed up outta no where telling me he was tired of little girls games, so maybe you just have to like ear tag them like endangered species when you find a good one????

[irod6419]

Pretty much, where I'm originally from, interracial dating is all I know. However, I've had a few here in Memphis, but the one thing I have experienced is that, even though the woman accepts your Union, it's her racist family that doesn't. I was involved with a white woman whose rich family are so racist, they told her in order to get the rich life back, she had to put her mixed/biracial daughter up for adoption, and then get rid of me & date someone white.... Within 3 years of our relationship, she put her daughter up for adoption, which since she has been adopted,she also started pursuing a white guy, so she wouldn't be alone, then moved out without a trace, and come to find out she moved to be closer to the new guy... Long story short, even with the riches/money, & she's still not happy. Ergo, it's better if her family can respect her decision on who she wants to be with, even if they are having issues with acceptance.

On another note, most of the white women here in Memphis, are so afraid of what their ppl will say or think, they don't dare act on it, no matter how much they've considered it or truly want this type of relationship. Most, but not all white women I've came across, bc of my being black, already have judged me, instead of by the content of my character. I don't date the black women here, cause their mindsets are throw'd off like ya wouldn't believe... But that's another story... lol

[North Pulaski Player]

Originally Posted by irod6419

Pretty much, where I'm originally from, interracial dating is all I know. However, I've had a few here in Memphis, but the one thing I have experienced is that, even though the woman accepts your Union, it's her racist family that doesn't. I was involved with a white woman whose rich family are so racist, they told her in order to get the rich life back, she had to put her mixed/biracial daughter up for adoption, and then get rid of me & date someone white.... Within 3 years of our relationship, she put her daughter up for adoption, which since she has been adopted,she also started pursuing a white guy, so she wouldn't be alone, then moved out without a trace, and come to find out she moved to be closer to the new guy... Long story short, even with the riches/money, & she's still not happy. Ergo, it's better if her family can respect her decision on who she wants to be with, even if they are having issues with acceptance.

On another note, most of the white women here in Memphis, are so afraid of what their ppl will say or think, they don't dare act on it, no matter how much they've considered it or truly want this type of relationship. Most, but not all white women I've came across, bc of my being black, already have judged me, instead of by the content of my character. I don't date the black women here, cause their mindsets are throw'd off like ya wouldn't believe... But that's another story... lol

Irod, I think that I would enjoy talking to you lol. I'm a black dude, but some of the things I'd like to comment on regarding "my sistas" would get me banned from this forum!

[Longtimelistener]

Originally Posted by NecoleA

Hi all,

I am a single white female that only dates interracially (white/black). I currently live in beautiful, liberal, open-minded sunny San Diego, CA where interracial dating is completely accepted (no stares, no remarks, nothing).

I have previously lived in FL and wasn't able to deal with the racism and the attitudes toward interractial dating there. I also found that the black men there were not all that open to interracial dating either.

I am considering moving to Memphis next year to be closer to family but I have been reading and hearing terrible things about Memphis dating scene (not just from an inter-racial stand point but also that most of the people are married there and there isn't a singles scene for someone in their 30s), race relations, and inter-racial dating.

Is anyone in the same situation as me (single that dates interracially) that lives in Memphis that can give me the real inside scoop??

Is interacial dating common? Is it accepted? Are the black men there open to this? Is there a singles scene that I could meet any potentials?

I know there are problems everywhere but some areas seem to be more prevalent - is Memphis one of them??

The education level of a high percentage of urban black in Memphis is probably why you have heard terrible things about interracial dating in Memphis. The city is 75% black.

[Comingtomemphis]

Not disputing your basic premise that portions of the Memphis community have low educational attainment, but the CD numbers I see show that Memphis is 63% black. Not a computer geek, so maybe I did something wrong.

[tigerphan]

I was equal opportunity when it came to dating women in my younger days.....and suspect most single guys of all races are the same way. There is a lot of societal pressure to limit my options to one specific woman now that I'm married. Deviating from that established norm is generally frowned upon. There's a lot of that in the burbs. Go figure.

Most guys (single or married, old or young) will make second or third glances at a particularly attractive female and perhaps briefly check to see what kind of guy she's with (for comparison purposes) regardless of if it is an interracial couple. I think this means nothing to most people.....but I could see how it would make things uncomfortable.