I must be missing something (young professionals thread) (Memphis: home, movies)

[kingchef]

we all have general personal issues. i have been asked one time in my life about my religion. it was an off-the-cuff question by a superior in my office. i gave the answer and the person smiled and told me that her farther had been on the vestry of a memphis historic church for several years, prior to his death. she concluded her conversation, as she puffed smoke of a cigarette, by telling me that she did not attend any religious services or identify w/ any church, as she walked away.

i am as white as snow, but i have never been asked or canvassed by adventist, baptist, cogic, or mormons or any other religious group in memphis. yet, i have been asked over and over about the sporting events i attend---i attend none, in fact, i have absolutely no interest in them. i am regularly asked what clubs i frequent, where i gamble, descriptions of personal anatomy, what country club or clubs to which i belong, and the big ones, what zip, where do you live, are you wealthy, and most important, what kind of car do you drive---what year? religion...naw. one more big one, just like in new york city, washington dc, atlanta, la, and chicago---"are you gay?" it isn't just memphis. it is human curiosity.

[hex_haight]

nueguy- you are right, i'm not really searching for volunteer opps, but i know that it sure won't hurt me to do some good and it could be a good place to meet more youngish people. i mentioned the god thing because the only meetings for people my age that aren't in a bar here seem to be run by one church or another. i would fit in much better if the common interest was helping cats/old people/trash than the study/worship of any kind. i think whatever works for you, between your god or lack there of, is totally right -FOR YOU. but i know myself well enough to know that a church group would not be for me since i don't believe and feel very comfortable in what I believe. I wasn't sure how to phrase it, don't suggest church, without offending anyone. i think, local-culturally speaking, you probably fight the religion thing more than i do. as in families of any color, religion can be a big deal and keep a family tight. However (and i say this as a total outsider since i'm a five foot three white girl) my impressions are that the church is much more important in the black community than most white communities. obviously there are exceptions to this, but i think the church's central role in the black communities is a direct result of darker days...church was the ONLY chance for many blacks to congregate and later, almost by default, became where many political messages were delivered. (there is a really awesome PBS show on local churches that just barely touches on the early days of black churches in memphis and the roles they played. i want a full show on the subject!!!!!!) i personally think the majority of black churches have a good idea..discuss the politics that affect their members frequently in the church! (and also, if i had to go to church, i'd probably try to slip into a black service. have you ever listened to anglo hymns? no one sounds happy about singing at all, much less like the spirit of god has touched them.)
so i don't get the 'what church do you attend?" as often, but as 30 year old chick, i get the "you married? you have kids?" "no? why don't you?" A LOT. apparently if you aren't married and don't have kids by my age, you haven't done anything with your life. =( =(
but you did hit it on the head about what i'm looking for...lately i have really been questioning if i've become a total judgemental snob or if i'm missing something about the culture here...either you hang in bars, churches, or you do the kids/family thing. i feel a lot better hearing from others who seem to be letting me know that , no, i'm not crazy, it is kinda like that here.
as far as the 'wrong place' thing...i hear this a lot..that this is not the city for me. i'm starting to agree, but THIS IS MY HOME. i don't want to run away like many of our young people are doing. i do not want to build my business from the ground up again and my parents still live around here (i'm an only child and i fully intend to care for them when the time comes and avoid nursing home/etc as long as i physically can do so.) i completely agree with what you said about after you've made sure it isn't you...i've spent some time soul searching recently due to this matter. it may very well be all me, but i'd really like to meet some people to reject me (for something other than my dislike of hard drinking/drugging) before i settle on that being the problem. =)

kingchef-i guess i should just be grateful i'm not a dude...as often as i get the "you got kids?" as you get "your team winning?" i do however get asked about my faith or lack there off often, usually by well meaning little old ladies, who will then invite me to their church family "where there are lots of elligble young men! you could settle down, honey!" they mean well, but i still find the question akward. i do not wish to lie to someone who isn't trying to offend me, nor do i wish to offend them by explaining that i'm a suitheist.
oddly, i never get asked what kinda car i drive, what zip i'm in, what my AGI was for this year...this is probably related to me being female and the fact that if i'm not at my work, i look like the type that wouldn't know my AGI from my A*s or that i might punch you for asking me what i make.

[kingchef]

hex, remain as you are because you sound like you are comfortable w/ who you are at present. i would like to add two things that i do observe: many who are married cannot seem to keep from match-making and letting singles be single; and, the other, i have to say that i really see no shortage of media coverage, public programming regarding blacks in memphis. if anything, it is too contrived about many issues, events, and activities.

i believe america is about to receive a huge shock after all is said and done in the 2010 census. the new Major minority will clearly be the hispanics. almost 10 years ago the hispanics outnumbered blacks in america by approximately 15 million. it is going to be significant.

[rsgillmd]

hex_haight, I feel like you could be speaking for me. I moved here in July. I'm a 33 year old divorced male and although I feel pressure to marry and have kids, I don't have the desire to yet. Partly it's because I'm afraid of getting burned again. So i totally hear you when you say you don't like getting the "Are you married?" and "How many kids do you have?" questions. I get asked these questions by practically every new Indian I meet. This is partly why I avoid going to Gurudwara (the Sikh equivalent of church).

I like to walk/run along the river but you can only do that so much. Similarly it gets lonely after a while going to restaurants by myself. So you are not alone there either.

My only suggestion is to develop a hobby that you can do either by yourself if you want to, or with others. For me it used to be bowling, but it gets boring to bowl more than one game by yourself. Some of my colleagues convinced me to take a intro to handguns course at RangeMaster. I took it more out of curiosity and found I liked it. I hear they have competitions, so I plan to attend and meet some people, in addition to going to the range with my colleagues from work.

During the summer I saw people in my apartment complex playing volleyball. I was too busy with getting comfortable at work and with the city to care then, but if I see them playing again now I'll probably ask to join them.

I second Pearlbob's suggestion about the I Love Memphis blog.

I hope this helped somewhat.

Worst case scenario, there is always Netflix to keep you company.

[bluff2085]

This is great point by hex_haight. Im in my mid 20s and completely agree. Theres a huge amount of drug users and bar rats in the 25-35 year old range that contribute almost nothing to the city aside from the "artsy" or "sophisticated" images they project. And then theres the "successful" young families, usually conservative or suburban minded, who seem to be racing towards a 3000 sf Germantown house and a "we're better than Memphis" attitude. Oversimplified I know but it's indicative of a definite cultural gap.

The problem is, to bridge the gap it's gonna take thousands of people like hexheight actually STAYING in Memphis and building a Memphis of their own. As long as this group of individuals is leaving for Austin or Denver or wherever, the more polarized things will get.

Overall, Memphis is still a great place IMO, and I think there are a lot more folks like yourself in Memphis than you would think. But to make it a better city you have to start making it your own city.

[DubbleT]

Have you thought about taking some night or weekend classes?
U of M offers tons of non credit classes, covering lots of different interests, everything from archery to wine tasting, and everything in between. The classes attract a lot of different age groups. Good way to meet up with people who share some of your interests and maybe get connected that way. http://www.memphis.edu/umce/pdfs/Spring10.pdf

[BWM]

hex,

Here is a volunteer opportunity where you should meet people your age. Yes, it does involve alcohol, but I wouldn't consider this a "hard drinking" event...

Memphis BrewFest Volunteers

[BWM]

here is another one...

Levitt Shell

[kingchef]

approximately two years ago i was asked to assist a doctoral candidate which included some constructed experiments w/ predicted outcomes. in one of those situations, groceries stores were used by singles at a rate of 2.877 to 1, in order to locate a possible partner or serious relationship. what about sports clubs/gyms? perhaps joining a particular exercise class or self-defense
class.

[thenuegeye]

Kingchef? It's funny you say that. I see a lot of hot girls in grocery stores.