I must be missing something (young professionals thread) (Memphis: neighborhood, private school)

[hex_haight]

Please, someone point me in the right direction.

I am young, not married, no kids. I have no desire to join any religiously driven group. I rarely drink, and can't stand bars with lots of drama or a hook up culture. (bars = just beer and pool...murphys = bar, where as the hi-tone is more of a venue, like new daisy)
So what is there to do in this city? I don't run unless something bigger than me is giving chase, so marathons hold no interest for me. Lately, every time I've tried to get out there and connect, it seems to me there are two very different groupings for my demographic...those that are doing the married, couple of kids lifestyle, which is great and all, but i think i'd be pretty out of place at a playgroup date since i'm pretty sure diaper duty is a million times worse than litter box duty.....and then there seems to be the rock n roll set...they drink, dance, party all night, which is all fine well and good...except there also seems to be a lot of drugs, ie coke, dmt, pills, and a lot of that group is either STILL working on just their undergrad or they work jobs that allow them to party all night (hey, ain't nothing wrong with waitin' tables on beale if the $$ is good!)
surely there is some space in between these two very different lifestyles? surely there are some clubs or groups that don't either focus on baby and family issues or solely rely on trying to be a rock star around here? there has got to be more to do than just go to the zoo, the brooks, the pink palace, the metal museum, the botantical gardens, the dixon, the wolf river conseravatory, overton...these are all the places we've visited in the past year in attempt to avoid the bar life...what we've found is we are often out of place with out kids in tow anyway...and we are quite tired of trying to come up with new and exciting things that don't require a lot of $$ (which is why we've avoided the foodies, who seem to be the closest thing to what i'm looking for, except we just don't do anything fancier than grilled cheese with pesto, we are still punks, just with out the booze and drugs now that we aren't 19 anymore)

sorry if this seems disjointed. i am very frustrated with the city right now. i feel like i am my own little lonely demographic and i'm sick of going to groups and meetings and events only to find i seem to be the only one of my kind left here.

[Pearlbob]

This is a common complaint of people all over, not just Memphis. I hear it all the time from people in other areas of the country. It's hard to be in that upper 20's/young 30's group where some of the group is married and starting families, and others in the group are not but still don't consider themselves partiers.

Have you joined MPACT Memphis? It is a group for young professionals to meet and (although not required) do community service type things in the area. Work to make the city better. Sounds like this would be up your alley. At least it would be a good way to meet similar folks.

[maximus10]

Maybe you need a change. I don't know. Based on what posted maybe you should tryout Seattle, Austin, or maybe even Atlanta. I don't know about the whole "punk scene" here but I don't think it's very big here.

[hex_haight]

bob- Mpact sounds like what i'm looking for. so far the only community service groups i've found have been attached to a church of some kind. i'm all for your church, and your form of worship, just don't try to make it mine...that whole "i believe in all paths to god" sort of thing...i just don't want to donate my time or money to a church directly. at this point all i have in my do good'ing basket is driving little old ladies to the grocery store once a week..which i love, but i'd really like some friends that aren't over 70.
maximus-
i've considered this. but a few things stop me. for one, i have ownership in a business here....my client base is exclusively small family owned businesses. the idea of starting over and losing the 8 years of client relations i've fought tooth and nail for here isn't exactly exciting, and especially when i think about the fact that i'd not be leaving for lack of business but for lack of culture. seems flakey to me and i really don't think i want to spend almost another decade of my life in the building stage.
you are right, the punk scene here is non existant, unless you count the "skin-heads" they claim to be anti racist, but they are all about socialism. i just can't get into socialism, i'm too much of a capitalist and, imho, a realist, to think much good can come of socialism.
my other issue with leaving is that this is my home. i want to see my city trying to attract more people like me, instead of them running off in droves. what pearl bob said about this just being a difficult period of life is very true and i think i'd be experiencing some of these feelings no matter where i lived. what i don't think i'd be experiencing is watching friend after friend move away from memphis because, as one of my girls who left said "this city dont want my kind". i want to see my city trying to attract other young professionals instead of feeling like an outcast because i feel like jay retard's death was just a junkie doing to much cocaine! the rampant drug use i've discovered by what appears to be my demographic frightens me and i do not understand why nothing is being done to fight it.
thanks for the lead on Mpact, i will definately be looking into it.

[Pearlbob]

There are lots of volunteer groups here that are not religious affiliated. The largest two joined a while back (if I'm remembering correctly). It was Hands on Memphis but is now called Volunteer Memphis. They run dozens of volunteer efforts all over the city, from working with pets, to the homeless, to children, cleaning up parks, etc.

[thenuegeye]

I feel you 100%, hex_haight. Many will disagree but you won't find what you're looking for here. If you fall into the trap of kids and marriage by 30, your life is over. Not really, but that's how the 30 somethings here act. And the younger crowd are arrogant, obnoxious U of M students. And no, you don't hear your complaint all over. I do however hear it in Memphis all the time.

[Pearlbob]

Also check out the site ilovememphisblog.com for lots of ideas on places to eat, shop, and events to attend here in Memphis. It's run by a young lady who works for the visitor's bureau (I think) but it has more to do with living in Memphis and the unique aspects of the city that most residents don't know about.

[kingchef]

casa, juvenile court volunteer services, big brother, big sister, mentoring programs, volunteer tutor of mcs district, shelby county schools, or a private school. organize a neighborhood group to pick up trash, adopt a highway, volunteer to help a social agency. there is no lack of opportunity to help others and yourself in memphis. heaven knows the city is virtually a welfare state, in many ways. volunteer as a grief counselor at a mortuary, a hospital, adopt the most unloved or alone or forgotten in a nursing home. walk in the front door of a convalescent home, ask for the charge nurse, and tell her you want to be introduced to the most forgotten person in the facility. you will find people, professionals, friends, and people that will make you forget some of your present worries.

i lived in midtown and i never lacked for same age professional friends. friends come and go out of life. it is the rhythm of life. true friends may move, but they remain friends. the danger comes when you fail to leave yourself open for other friends. read about you in erickson's 8 stages of life. you will begin to understand what you are feeling. best of luck to you.

[thenuegeye]

Guess it would be helpful to define "friend" first. From what I read, I don't believe the poster is searching for volunteer opportunities. Seems like he/she is searching for a progressive set with like-minded people. I can relate 100%. But the dominant culture here is still church, Bar B-Que and the Blues. And church is really big. Being black, I get asked what church I attend all the time, as if that somehow makes me a better person. The mood totally changes when I tell people I don't. They never ask why. They just assume I'm a wayward, lost soul devoid of humanity. Then they quickly flee the scene. I won't take the blame for their narrow view of the world. Hex haight, trust me,..it's not you. Based on your comments, you don't strike me as the type who avoids people. When you've completely ruled out yourself as the cause of the problem, the next step is to look outward. Maybe you're in the wrong place?

[kingchef]

we all have general personal issues. i have been asked one time in my life about my religion. it was an off-the-cuff question by a superior in my office. i gave the answer and the person smiled and told me that her father had been on the vestry of a memphis historic church for several years, prior to his death. again, she smiled, as she puffed a smoke of cigarette, telling me that she did not attend any religious services or identify w/ any church, as she walked away. this was my experience w/ someone and religion in living in memphis.

i am as white as snow, but i have never been asked or canvassed by adventist, baptist, cogic, or mormons or any other religious group in memphis. yet, i have been asked over and over about the sporting events i attend---i attend none, in fact, i have absolutely no interest in them. i am regularly asked what clubs i frequent, where i gamble, descriptions of personal anatomy, to what country club or clubs do i belong, and the big ones, what zip, where do you live, are you wealthy, and most important, what kind of car do you drive---what year? religion...naw.