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Old 02-16-2011, 01:51 PM
 
7 posts, read 17,198 times
Reputation: 19

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And for such a stupid reason. I'm ugly, I'm 22, and all through middle school and high school I was teased for being ugly. I was the only girl out of my group of friends to never get dates and to get picked on based on how I look, if it wasn't my face, it was my hair, if it wasn't my hair, it were my small breasts, if it weren't my breasts, it were my hips, so on and so forth. They convinced me. And in my mind, I'll never be enough, I'll never be hot or sexy or pretty, I look at myself in the mirror and sometimes I think "I look OK", but then I see a beautiful girl at the street or hell, I even see a celeb on TV and down my self esteem goes. Especially when I see girls with traits opposite to me, because they remind me that if I didn't look like this (brunette, brown eyes, small breasts, giant hips) then I wouldn't have been put through so much crap and I'd feel better about myself, at least, I wouldn't care so much about how I look and I wouldn't feel inferior all the time.

It also hasn't helped that I had a boyfriend who, although he was sweet and all, made me feel ugly sometimes with comments about other girls or things he did (like openly staring at other girls). I made the mistake of asking him if he thought I'd look better if I did certain things (like enlarging my breasts), and he said yes. It was my mistake and I regret it deeply, because now I know that even if a guy goes out with me it doesn't mean they think I look great as is.

I know it's a petty issue, but I just can't get over it. How to cope? I was thinking of celibacy and being single, but that's not enough, even though I'm single and celibate right now, I still feel bad when I see prettier women.
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,346 posts, read 80,739,113 times
Reputation: 17410
Welcome to life.
Are you in a wheelchair?
Do you have MS, or cancer?

Now, what I wrote isn't a solution, but it will put your situation in perspective.

Have you sought professional help? counseling or MD medication?

And, you don't have to tell me about ugly. I'm so ugly that when I went to my proctology exam, the doctor stuck his finger in my mouth.
I'm so ugly when I was a kid playing in the sand box, the cat buried ME.
I'm so ugly that when I walk past a restroom, all the toilets flush.

Now, don't you feel a little better?
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:47 PM
 
7 posts, read 17,198 times
Reputation: 19
Lol Charles, thanks for that, it made me laugh a bit more.

I guess I am really grateful that I'm healthy... biologically, becuase mentally/emotionally I feel so sick sometimes, so stupid and pathetic for being weak and caring so much about looks. In this society, it's as if being ugly is a crime, whether you're a woman or a man.

But I guess it's good to laugh about it. Thank you
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:58 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,364,337 times
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You're dwelling on the negative and the past. To be happy, you need to focus on what is good (including what is good about you and there are many things) and the present.

You are currently stuck in a destructive loop - ruminating, "woe is me," etc. That will not help.

Do the best you can every day - eat healthy, give up any bad habits (including your negativity), and make a list of all the things you are grateful for AND another list of how awesome you are (all the good things you can list about yourself).

When you start moaning and groaning about what happened in the past, take out your lists, go for a walk, work out, do something fun, volunteer (helping others is such good therapy), watch a funny video on youtube or something.

EFT could help you, a lot (go to youtube and search EFT - I personally like Brad Yates, but there are oodles of different people and you can tap through these self defeating thoughts and let them go).

Good luck.
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:59 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,364,337 times
Reputation: 8956
Also change your screen name. You are really identified with being "a loser" and that is self-abuse.

Do something nice for yourself today.
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Old 02-16-2011, 03:36 PM
ino
 
Location: Way beyond the black stump.
680 posts, read 2,130,161 times
Reputation: 1016
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
Welcome to life.
Are you in a wheelchair?
Do you have MS, or cancer?

Now, what I wrote isn't a solution, but it will put your situation in perspective.

Have you sought professional help? counseling or MD medication?

And, you don't have to tell me about ugly. I'm so ugly that when I went to my proctology exam, the doctor stuck his finger in my mouth.
I'm so ugly when I was a kid playing in the sand box, the cat buried ME.
I'm so ugly that when I walk past a restroom, all the toilets flush.

Now, don't you feel a little better?
LOL...Dunno bout the OP but it sure put a smile on *my* face.

Here's how to look at things if we think we don't fit the 'picture perfect' ideal...

The sun may kiss the bright blue sky,
The moon may kiss the stars on high,
The dew drops may kiss the grass,
But you...{insert what you want here}...may kiss my ar*e.

That's the way to look at life. We are who/what we are and the rest can go jump. It's not like we can rub ourselves out and get re-drawn. We all have our desirable attributes as individuals no matter how we look ourselves or people around us.

If we didn't we'd all be hunchbacks, drooling at the mouth and dragging our knuckles on the ground when we walk.
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Old 02-16-2011, 03:45 PM
 
7 posts, read 17,198 times
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Thank you imcurious and ino. Those are good perspectives. I especially find seeing negativity as just a habit very encouraging, because even though bad habits die hard, habits CAN be changed.
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Old 02-16-2011, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,346 posts, read 80,739,113 times
Reputation: 17410
I'll bet she really isn't ugly either.
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Old 02-16-2011, 04:28 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,364,337 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by sadandpathetic View Post
Thank you imcurious and ino. Those are good perspectives. I especially find seeing negativity as just a habit very encouraging, because even though bad habits die hard, habits CAN be changed.
Very true. The way I look at it you (and many of us) had negative programming that was emphasized by trauma. Part of you believed it was true. Now you just play those tapes over and over again.

The abusers from the past may be gone, but you continue where they left off.

It is all just a bad habit. Make yourself adopt good and healthy habits, no matter how much resistance you have . . .

Focus on what is good. Make the most of every day. When you have a negative feeling, process it - and then move on.

Learn self care . . . I don't know what it is for you - listening to uplifting music, taking a bubble bath, taking a walk, working out, doing a hobby you love, taking care of a pet or a child, voluteering, bettering yourself somehow (school, learning a new skill). Have some fun every day. Do something you enjoy every day.

When the negative tapes start, recognize them and say, "this is a negative tape, I don't HAVE to listen to it." Yes, things happened in the past, but the past is gone. Let it go. Forgive those that need forgiving because it frees you ("They know not what they do.") If they knew better, they would have done better.

Now you know better so you can do better. Live your life with purpose and joy - no matter what!
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Old 02-16-2011, 04:43 PM
 
Location: On the sunny side of a mountain
2,970 posts, read 6,605,182 times
Reputation: 5679
Positive thoughts can really change your attitude. If you look in the mirror every morning and say "I'm ugly" that will be the thought that sets your day. If you look in the mirror and say "I'm gorgeous" it's a whole different mind set. You may not believe it in the beginning, but find the little things that are beautiful in you, a great smile, nice eyebrows, shiny hair, whatever you can be proud of start there and grow.

I'm no super model, not even a un-super model, but I have learned to ignore my big nose and cellulite and focus on my long legs and killer arms. I'm in my forties and even though I don't have the size 2 body that I had in my twenties I have so much more confidence in who I am now. That confidence came with age and the realization that if I treated myself with respect and was happy I attracted people that made me feel respected and happy.

That old boyfriend of yours who looked at other girls and said you should have a boob job is a jerk and doesn't deserve the company of any woman until he learns how to be respectful.
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