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Old 03-29-2011, 11:04 PM
 
11 posts, read 18,776 times
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It seems for most people, they only show their anger to friends/family but can remain calm with strangers. I'm the opposite. I have a very hard time being "angry" with friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. even when they've clearly wronged me and I'm naturally calm and forgiving when dealing with the situation. But when I've been "wronged" by a stranger, I absolutely have no qualms lashing out viciously. Friends and family are quite surprised when they see me react this way to a stranger since they've always perceived me as an unusually calm person.
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Old 03-29-2011, 11:08 PM
 
Location: earth?
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Wow. Thanks for sharing.
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Old 03-29-2011, 11:14 PM
 
2,162 posts, read 3,547,957 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whippingbird View Post
It seems for most people, they only show their anger to friends/family but can remain calm with strangers. I'm the opposite. I have a very hard time being "angry" with friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. even when they've clearly wronged me and I'm naturally calm and forgiving when dealing with the situation. But when I've been "wronged" by a stranger, I absolutely have no qualms lashing out viciously. Friends and family are quite surprised when they see me react this way to a stranger since they've always perceived me as an unusually calm person.
So, what is your point in writing this? Are you trying to say you want advice? Or what?

Do you feel guilty for "lashing out viciously" at strangers?

Are you having anger management problems, as you see it? With strangers? Do you want to change?
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Old 04-01-2011, 11:05 PM
 
Location: state of procrastination
3,487 posts, read 6,484,623 times
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I'm mostly angry at my family, not so much with coworkers. My family does not respect boundaries, so they will get what they dish out. Coworkers and strangers are often surprised by my degree of anger with my family where I yell at them and speak rudely to them. However, there is no other way to deal with them. It's their fault they have no boundaries and think they can bother me at work with their drama mongering.

I don't think strangers have pissed me off as much. Plus I can ignore them forever more, so why even get mad - just never speak to them again. With people who you have no choice but to deal with, the potential for anger is sometimes stronger if they are of the continuously provocative type.
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Old 04-02-2011, 12:28 PM
 
2,162 posts, read 3,547,957 times
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Originally Posted by miyu View Post
I'm mostly angry at my family, not so much with coworkers. My family does not respect boundaries, so they will get what they dish out. Coworkers and strangers are often surprised by my degree of anger with my family where I yell at them and speak rudely to them. However, there is no other way to deal with them. It's their fault they have no boundaries and think they can bother me at work with their drama mongering.

I don't think strangers have pissed me off as much. Plus I can ignore them forever more, so why even get mad - just never speak to them again. With people who you have no choice but to deal with, the potential for anger is sometimes stronger if they are of the continuously provocative type.
I think that if you are angry with your family, you need to a) let them know what you don't like from them and then b) set boundaries yourself.

You have control over how much they have contact with you, and in what way. By this, I mean that you can ENFORCE your right to boundaries, if need be, with them. But you have to do it or you will remain very angry all of the time.

Many people have tried to deal with chronically difficult family members simply by keeping away from them except for holidays, and in some cases, even at holidays. But you do have to be fair and make sure they understand that you don't want such and such behaviors by them to you and WHY. You have to say it in a reasonable way, too, not yelling or anything.

I would not even get into blaming them. They obviously don't feel guilty. They might be wrong but don't know right from wrong.
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Old 05-07-2011, 04:41 PM
 
274 posts, read 296,999 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whippingbird View Post
It seems for most people, they only show their anger to friends/family but can remain calm with strangers. I'm the opposite. I have a very hard time being "angry" with friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, etc. even when they've clearly wronged me and I'm naturally calm and forgiving when dealing with the situation. But when I've been "wronged" by a stranger, I absolutely have no qualms lashing out viciously. Friends and family are quite surprised when they see me react this way to a stranger since they've always perceived me as an unusually calm person.
I know what you're talking about- I'm the same way. My half-baked theory about myself is that I tend to avoid confrontation with friends and family because I don't want them to be angry or dislike me, and I worry that their love is conditional. With strangers, I tend to speak up when I feel I'm wronged, and I supposed it's because I really don't care what their opinion of me is.

For instance, I have no problem saying that the responses from "imcurious" and "Martha Anne" to you were rude. But then, I don't know them.

You say you have a hard time being angry with family and friends, but maybe you do get angry with them, but you don't let yourself acknowledge it.

Again, half-baked. Just my guess!
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Old 05-17-2011, 02:57 PM
 
13,016 posts, read 15,906,194 times
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Maybe the reason you can so viciously lash out at strangers is because you've suppressed anger towards your family and friends, and this is your release...so to speak.
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