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Old 07-24-2011, 08:15 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
She had no interest in the actual grandchild being born.
This reminds me of my mom. She had no actual interest in my daughter. It was like my daughter was a little doll for her to play with.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
And bear in mind that I am an only child.
Me too. There were many years of wishing for a sibling to share the burden of my mom, but now with a better understanding of npd I think it may have been disastrous.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
It's a miracle they didn't kill each other or me.
I am truly amazed that my mom has never killed anyone (that I know of). She told me that she wished she could kill me, but that I wasn't worth going to prison over. I guess being totally worthless paid off in that respect .

Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
But anyway, my mother's mantra for all of her years has been "I have no one." Well why is that? I use to faithfully tell her she has me but I'd get the stony silence that implies, "Well who would want you?"
That stony silence also comes when you point out a hole in the narcissist's flawed logic. It's like their brain short circuits. Also remember, to your mom you're a mere extension of her - not a separate person. It's very sad how they view, and subsequently treat their own children .
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Old 07-24-2011, 08:18 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim in FL View Post
Even as adults she was pitting us against each other..sick I tell ya.
It really is sad. My grandmother did and still does this with her daughters too. Have you and your siblings ever talked to each other about your mom and her narcissism?
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marmom View Post
It really is sad. My grandmother did and still does this with her daughters too. Have you and your siblings ever talked to each other about your mom and her narcissism?

I about fell out of my chair when I read that article...( thank you so much for posting it!!) It really hit home for me. I have 2 older and one younger sibling..my mother has her clear favs I'm not one. lol I wasn't one to just sit in the corner and keep myself quiet..lol..I spoke my mind and that annoyed her. Oh well. lololol

As adults we did talk about it..we didnt know what to call it other than her being crazy. We did call her the Puppet Master for awhile.

At this point, 1 of my siblings refuses to speak to her or have contact with her and hasn't for years. Of course she says it's his fault and she's always done her best for everyone.

Another sibling, like myself, limits time we spend with her. I can only take so much. Thankfully, my kids are all older and have minds of their own..they've chosen to limit contact as well. Sadly, this sibling doesn't limit contact she has with his kids and it shows.....

The last sibling lives a good distance away and only phone contact.

It just makes me sick to think that someone would actually try and tear their kids apart...I love when my kids get together to hang out and they enjoy each others company.

My dh's family is very close and my mother hates them all...she hates them because she sees in them what she is not. She can't stand that my kids enjoy being with me. I just get so angry when I think about it!!!
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Old 07-25-2011, 08:52 AM
 
Location: The Conterminous United States
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My mother was able to get her hands on my older children who are now adults. It's a long, brutal story. But how she tried to poison their minds is just amazing. I never really found any of this out until last year and I was devastated. She even went so far as to tell my oldest daughter that she named her. That's laughable considering she had one child -- me -- and my aunt had to come up with a name. Fortunately, my daughter didn't believe her.

What makes someone hate their child that much? Now I can see what she does from a mile away but for about 46 years I was fooled by her. I knew she wasn't "right" but I had no idea the hatred she holds towards me or what she was truly capable of.

I have one child left at home and she still is desperate to get her clutches into her, even though her mind is now failing.

My father claims that she just wants to keep me to herself, to even keep me away from my own children. I think that's delusional.
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:31 AM
 
Location: between here and there
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
My mother was able to get her hands on my older children who are now adults. It's a long, brutal story. But how she tried to poison their minds is just amazing. I never really found any of this out until last year and I was devastated. She even went so far as to tell my oldest daughter that she named her. That's laughable considering she had one child -- me -- and my aunt had to come up with a name. Fortunately, my daughter didn't believe her.

What makes someone hate their child that much? Now I can see what she does from a mile away but for about 46 years I was fooled by her. I knew she wasn't "right" but I had no idea the hatred she holds towards me or what she was truly capable of.

I have one child left at home and she still is desperate to get her clutches into her, even though her mind is now failing.

My father claims that she just wants to keep me to herself, to even keep me away from my own children. I think that's delusional.
How sad.....my mother was an entirely different person with my kids although I can see it now for what it was: she loved them because they all were very smart kids and shined in a lot of areas....she would make the claim when they were recognized for an achievement: "Well, they do take after their grandmother ..." and meant it as if they were hatched under a rock....Hellooooo....what role did mom and dad play thank you It would spiral me backwards to being a kid myself and waiting for some validation and she took it all!!!!

Glad I was able to insulate them from the full attack of a grandmother with npd....

Last edited by Fallingwater79; 07-25-2011 at 10:50 AM..
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:45 AM
 
Location: between here and there
1,030 posts, read 3,074,734 times
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[quote=Kim in FL;20164509]I about fell out of my chair when I read that article...( thank you so much for posting it!!) It really hit home for me. I have 2 older and one younger sibling..my mother has her clear favs I'm not one. lol I wasn't one to just sit in the corner and keep myself quiet..lol..I spoke my mind and that annoyed her. Oh well. lololol
QUOTE]


Yes, yes....I remember as a young kid calling my mother on her behavior and it would make her crazy....one favorite of her was what we could call "The Attention Seeker":

Just a young kid, I'd be milling around the house, mother's cleaning etc. and the phone would ring...she'd answer it and immediately go into a voice complete with a cough and raspy and I hear her tell the other end of the converstaion :"No, **cough cough ** I'm ok, just feeling *cough cough** a little under the weather .....blahblahblah....."

I'd look up from what I was doing, and I wonder what the heck she was doing....

End of the phone call, and she'd be talking fine so I once asked her why she does that and she got all indignant and flustered and said she'd had no idea what I was talking about....now mind you, this is a kid to a mother....lol

I remember a lot of circumstances when the "Mommy Dearest" routine showed up in front of me.....still makes me shake my head

One of her saddest performances was at my father's funeral. My husband of then only 3 years (29 yrs ago and a time when I was still foggy about what exactly was wrong with my mother) pointed out that she seemed to be fake crying whenever someone approached her and it would instantly stop when they walked away....I was very hurt by what he said, but in retropsect, he saw what we kids couldn't see: she was a fraud or even sadder, we were so overwhelmed with our real grief, we couldn't imagine not truly being sad.......

I have 7 siblings and for the most part, they are all clueless....I bring up npd and they don't grasp it but then, they are all drug addicts, socially inept, withrelationship problems galore, so I guess I stick out like a sore thumb/knowitall.......very sad....mother did a real number on her offspring

Last edited by Fallingwater79; 07-25-2011 at 10:59 AM..
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Old 07-25-2011, 10:46 AM
 
Location: The Conterminous United States
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Never underestimate them. I thought all my mother was doing was taking them to church. Instead she was making sure she was exacting as much damage as possible.

She's never met the youngest but she desperately wants to talk to her. She's in the early stages of Alzheimer's and my daughter is 11 and knows better but oh, how she tries.

And here's another little wrinkle...

How many of your narcissists are also consumed by religion? Mine has taken her Christianity to a new level where I am quite sure that she is convinced she will be sitting alone up there with God. It started that only Christians would be saved, then only her particular denomination, then only her synod, then just that church. Now it is down to just her. The church is filled with a bunch of people that are going to hell, dontcha know.

When The Bible talks about sinners, that doesn't mean her. When it talks about people that will be saved. Well, she's at the head of the line.

She'll talk and talk and talk about people but if I talk to her about specks and logs in one's eye she acts astonished, as if that doesn't pertain to her.
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Old 07-25-2011, 12:16 PM
 
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I could sense the divisiveness and self aggrandizing intentions with my mother toward my first child very early. She was overbearing and constantly undermining me and dh. Like your mother smalltownusa, mine attributed every positive quality in my dd as coming straight from her. She was also already shoving things down dd's throat (as an infant mind you) that she had shoved down my throat my entire life. Every way that I failed to meet my mother's expectations, my dd was next in line to fulfill. When I suggested we let dd grow up a little and pursue her own passions and interests, my mom responded belligerently that it's normal for grandparents to "pass things down" (hobbies, interests) to their grandchildren. I can only imagine how my mom would have tried to come between me and my children if given the opportunity. She did it with every other relationship in my life. This is how delusional my mom is: she has said that since I don't allow her to see my kids, she communicates with them telepathically with her mind. She mind melds with them and sends them messages. She is completely serious in this claim.

As for the religious aspect - there is some of that with my mom too. Actually, she seems to think that she is above religion in a way. She is Catholic and will claim to be a "good" Catholic. Yet, she doesn't go to church with any regularity, doesn't follow Catholic doctrine, and doesn't even know many of the teachings of the Catholic church. As a side note, she bullied me into baptizing my first daughter Catholic even though we are not practicing Catholics. Still can't believe I allowed it to happen. Anyway, she does a lot for show as far as appearing devoutly religious. She has a big rosary hanging from her rear view mirror and wears a crucifix around her neck. You can bet she prances around with the ashes on her forehead every ash wednesday. Her husband is also a non-denominational minister (he did his training online), and he puts on an even better show. He has never been a practicing minister (just has the certification), and he also doesn't go to church. They are two of the most sanctimonious, judgmental, hypocritical people I've ever known.

I have always felt as though I were invisible to my mom. One thing that just came to mind is that she had her current husband's name tattooed on her body, and then after my daughter was born, she had her name tattooed on her body. I remember thinking it was odd to have those two names, but not mine, seeing as I am her only child. It's amazing how their own children can simply NOT MATTER to them.

Last edited by marmom; 07-25-2011 at 01:39 PM..
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Old 07-25-2011, 01:56 PM
 
Location: The Conterminous United States
22,584 posts, read 54,159,097 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marmom View Post
This is how delusional my mom is: she has said that since I don't allow her to see my kids, she communicates with them telepathically with her mind. She mind melds with them and sends them messages. She is completely serious in this claim.
My mother is highly-functioning. Or she was. That is probably not going to last. But every so often she'd come out with something completely bizarre like that, too. One time she told me she had to quit her job because the people she had worked with for 20 years had been poisoning her.

My father makes up crazy stories about people. He once told me a story about my father-in-law complete with a made-up disease that he imagined he had. I looked at his wife -- right in front of him -- and asked what he was talking about. She just shrugged her shoulders and he looked away.

He had never met my father-in-law or anyone else that knew him other than my husband and myself.

And these are not isolated incidents.

My mother firmly believes in her religion but she wields it like a sword. It's used to constantly prop herself up while cutting everyone around her down. I doubt my father believes in much of it but he uses it for appearances. He was the assistant minister of our church and the superintendent of the Sunday school yet would hit my mother in the car on the way home and/or talk about everyone in the congregation.

He was recently a chaplain at a nursing home. Apparently he is no longer doing that from the way he talked. I didn't bother asking what happened because I'll probably never get the real story.

Both of my parents believe that I owe them everything for bringing me into this world. I never could figure out which one is sicker. I think my father is much better at outward appearances when he has to be but they seem to be equally crazy.
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Old 07-25-2011, 03:53 PM
 
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My dad, God rest his soul, wasn't like my mom. He was the one who reeled her in. I don't think he knew of all he did to us kids..she used to attack him the door with all the horrible things we did during the day and after a long hard day at work he didn't want to listen to her ***** about the kids. She lied. A lot. About a lot of things. Mainly us kids and our behavior and then she'd sit there with a **** eating grin on her face while my dad is "taking care of the kids" My dad wasn't the spanker so it was mainly hollering..but it still hurt because we thought he KNEW she was lying and thought he was going along with her. I learned many yrs later that he had no clue.

We had no boundries growing up. none. we didn't know we did anything wrong until she went ape **** on us. she spent 99% of her on the phone yakking with her 'friends'. she was and is the worst gossip in the world. it got to the point where i could be at the bus stop and a kid of her friend would be repeating all the dirty laundry my mother shared..about her kids..most of which were lies. sigh.

I don't even want to get started on the crap she pulled while my dad was sick with cancer and then his passing. Ok..fine..you asked for it...lolol while he was ill, friends from the church would come and visit and my mother would get ticked because she wasn't getting any attention from them. She wasn't getting special meals..she wasn't getting massages..she'd spend hours on the phone with anyone who'd listen and would go on and on about how no one cares for the caregiver..and how everyone is overlooking her and she is just so tired and blah blah blah.

my dad family would call to get updates on him and that's all she'd talk about..herself and her needs.

it wasn't any better when he passed and hasn't gotten better in the last 10 yrs. she's still saying the same stuff over and over..not once do i hear " Boy, I miss your dad" instead she says " I'm so alone..no one cares about me..I'm just let alone to rot" sigh
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