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Had I known my life would be like this, I likely would have ended it long ago. I'm educated, yet I have no career. I'm loyal and committed and wanted a family, yet my wife divorced me. Now I'm 42 and alone. I absolutely hate my life. This isn't anything like I hoped and dreamed. I feel like I've ruined it and its too late. I have nothing to look forward to and nothing going for me. The only time I'm actually happy is when I'm sleeping. This absolutely sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I can't keep living like this. This isn't a life, I'm just existing.
Life can be challenging, that is for sure. We all have ups and downs . . .maybe you can see a counselor or a spiritual director and find out what you might like to do next. You could have many, many years left and this might just be a crossroads.
In the meantime, read something inspirational, get a massage, eat good healthy food, go to a movie, call a friend, plan a vacation (even if just a day trip), go to the library or a bookstore, take a walk, start a garden, indulge your hobby, go to the pound, volunteer feeding the homeless, pray, exercise, etc., etc. Whatever makes you feel good that is healthy.
If you want immediate freedom from emotional pain, put "eft brad yates" into YouTube and do a ten minute session to relieve whatever is ailing you.
Speaking of YouTube, there are tons of inspirational videos on YouTube.
you may be depressed and need medication. first things first see a doctor. your life is far from over at 42, you are in the prime of it. find something you have always wanted to do and go do it. sky diving, learning how to fly or drive a race car. have you ever wanted to travel? maybe move somewhere and start fresh. not many people are lucky enough to have a job or career that they love. most people work so they can enjoy their life on the weekend. find some joy and go for it. the best half of your life is in front of you. sending aloha
atlguy,
Sometimes the best a person can do is keep going and carry the hope that one day something will happen to make it all feel ok again. I hit 40 this year and so many aspects of my life are not going the way I had hoped that it's really gotten me down.
I don't know if you have children to support or if you have to pay alimony or if you are free to change careers or take more classes in something else or just up and move to a new place and take a new job but maybe if you can, mix it up a little bit and challenge yourself to be something that makes you feel excited to get up in the morning.
I'm sorry to hear things are so rough for you right now but hopefully something will come along or you will make decisions so it will happen, and you will find a reason to feel happy again. You are still young and you have time to get back on track.
Had I known my life would be like this, I likely would have ended it long ago. I'm educated, yet I have no career. I'm loyal and committed and wanted a family, yet my wife divorced me. Now I'm 42 and alone. I absolutely hate my life. This isn't anything like I hoped and dreamed. I feel like I've ruined it and its too late. I have nothing to look forward to and nothing going for me. The only time I'm actually happy is when I'm sleeping. This absolutely sucks. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I can't keep living like this. This isn't a life, I'm just existing.
I understand how you feel and what you're going through. I've gone through that myself and came out on the other side and so will you. Right now, it's fresh about your divorce and the hurt but in time, you'll get over it and move on. You might be depressed and might need some meds to help you get over this hump in life.
I also am educated without a career. I've started my own business and hopefully with time, it will bloom and grow and I'll make more money then I ever did working for someone else.
Try not to think too much about what happened in the past and face each day as a challenge to move ahead and change for the future.
Believe it or not, our attitudes can make or break us and people can pick up on that. Right now, your attitude stinks and people probably can feel or see that and will stay away from a "gloomy Gus".
Get self-help books, try saying morning or daily affirmations, join a gym to exercise and feel better about yourself. Think about what you'd like to do or if you don't know, write down what your interests are or what type of setting you'd like to work in. Visualize what type of person you want to be or what type of people you want to surround yourself with Visualize where you want to live.
It's normal what you're thinking and feeling, we all go through that but try not to waste too much time thinking of the past. You can do it and have the life you want and deserve.
Remember, even though your wife divorced you, there's a woman out there for you. You just have to get out there, have a positive attitude and love life. You can do it!
Did you have the telephone interview for the job in Oregon yet? I think you need a complete change, but we talked some about that in your other thread. I'm having a hell of a time with depression/anxiety myself now, I know how hard it can be to do the smallest things. Being alone with it makes it worse too. If your situation improved so would your depression. So you have to keep looking for a job you'd enjoy. A change of scenery and meeting new people would help you a great deal.
There is some good coucil here and I think the only thing I can add is this. When we get a low as you seem to be we have to live each moment as it comes. If we can get through just one minute and say to ourselves, "Well that minute wasn't so bad. String these minutes together and after a while we may be able to put a whole hour together that's OK or even not too bad.
Try to realize that the thoughts you are thinking are really only thoughts and they might be true and they might not be true. It's our thoughts that control how we feel and if we are not very mindfull of them they often lead us to places we would rather not be.
Meditation can often be a very big help in fighting depression. Empty your mind for just 5 minutes and you will see the thoughts that are trying to come into your mind even against your will. That exercise helps you to really understand that they really are only thoughts and not reality at all. There are many good books you can get from the library that will help you to develop defences and stratagies you can use to win over depression. Books that deal with the control of chronic pain I found particularly helpful.
Please never do anything foolish because of your situation. You could send me a PM any time you want to and you can be sure I would reply to you.
Life is a struggle and many times we feel that we have lost the battle but perservere and win one little battle at a time. In years to come you may be able to look back and realize that the struggles that you have come through have refined and moulded you into an awesome person.
Cant' say I'm overly excited about my life either, but as it's the only one I got I gotta make the best of it. I enjoy the sunshine, the rain, the greenery and wildlife which nature has provided, am in good health for my age {as far as I know}, and as I can't have what I want from life I enjoy and make the most of what I do have - I've certainly got far more than my ancestors ever had, so that must mean my quality of life is better than their's was. The higher one aims, the further the fall if I miss, so I don't worry too much about what I can't control, I just concentrate more on what I can control. There is an alternative I spose, but stuff that, I'm only gunna pass this way once, so I'll stick to the small pleasures and hang around for a while longer...even it it's only to bug other people.
Atlguy, one thing you might want to try is dancing; allow me to elaborate. As for myself, I have particpated in dance situations in which you can show up, not necessarialy with a partner, and with no prerequisites for the dance step(s) being taught. Basically, what happens is that you attend the function which consists of a dance class followed by a social dance. In the actual class, you change partners frequently, allowing you to dance with a wide variety of people. I have done this in Calgary, Vancouver (in Vancouver, they emphasize the West Coast Swing; who would have thunk?!, LOL), Winnipeg, and most recently here in Kingston, Ontario where I participate in the Lindy Hop Swing Class held every Monday night at Queen's University; although it's university oriented, it's open to the public. In addition, in my travels in the last six years, I have attended swing dance events similar to those described above in places such as Montreal, Toronto, London (Ontario), and Seattle.
Don't worry about co-ordination issues if that's what concerns you; hey, I openly admit that I can't s*** and read the paper at the same time, yet it's never been an impediment to me to enjoy my hobby.
I don't know too much about the Atlanta area, but I'm reasonably sure that it has the same amount of amenities for dancing as Calgary or Vancouver, if not much more so (Both of the above cities, although large even by US standards, could easily fit into one little corner of Atlanta). Anyway, give it a try.
One word of caution, STAY AWAY FROM ANY DANCE STUDIO THAT MAKES YOU SIGN YOUR NAME ON THE "DOTTED LINE". I saw a lot of those in Calgary in the early 80s, and these were strictly designed to lock people into contracts, and rip them off!! On a more positive note, if you can find a place within Atlanta that has a more-or-less pay as you go system, that would be great; about ten bucks for a combined class/social evening would be about right.
Hopefully, things will work out for you; you'll do fine, my friend!
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