Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have always been extremely shy. i was severely bullied at school for a number of years which lead me to become extremely religious where i started carrying a bible around at school and at home with physical and emotional violence on a consistent basis. eventually i became 'schizoid'. I was very into spirituality and ideas of transcendence and mysticism. all through college i kept to myself. I was even scared to be 'myself' and walk around campus. I feared that if i let my schizoid guard down I would be attacked or assaulted by others all over campus. After college I moved away from home to stay with an aunt whom i had a disagreement with. I returned home and suffered a psychotic break. the whole world turned dark and at one point everyone looked like monsters and i assumed that people were trying to kill me. eventually it looked like the whole world was melting. During this time i was staying in my parents basement. I thought I was posessed by demons. over the course of two years i managed to work (graveyard shift all alone) and sleep all the time. Slowly but surely i started to pull myself back to reality.
I didn't tell my psychiatrist about this because i didn't want to be 'locked away' also the shame of being put in mental hospital. I've been seeing a therapist and i've begun the process of 'feeling' again. for most of my life i repressed my feelings and became numb.
I am planning on moving to a new city away from my family that's only an HOUR away BY MYSELF. I'm afraid because I don't want to lose contact with reality again in a new city.
Hi RLarson, I am very sorry to hear about your difficulties, you have been through a lot. What came to me from your post too though is how you've managed to use resources and seek solutions in the midst of it all. You have turned to ways to help alleviate your issues both spiritually-- looking into different religious ideas, getting counseling; and practically-- moving place of residence, going on to college, maintaining a work schedule. Yep you must be an extremely resourceful and strong person.
When you do try these different paths, it is smart to change direction if one doesn't work well. It's good to leave behind the ones that weren't right for us, and even mentally see how much you can leave the high school bullying days behind, continuing to move forward as you are obviously doing. You also mentioned that you were at home with physical and emotional violence on a consistent basis, and that when you returned home after being away you suffered a psychotic break. So home is not where you want to be, and that is good analysis on your part. Taking things at a step at a time, can you make a list of a few options outside of home then? And include the ups & downs for each, like you did in your post-- Moving to new city = some distance from family is a plus, but concern about having a break in a new city alone is a minus). You'll probably find some in-between places, so that you're not at home, but not alone in an unfamiliar environment either.
Then how about you share the options you're considering with your therapist?
It sounds like you are comfortable with and making progress with your therapist! As a trained pro he/she can help you think through them, so that you make a decision for yourself but with the added benefit of their insight. Your therapist may even add options you haven't considered, that people in their area of work know about. like I've heard of programs that are not a mental hospital, yet are more than occasional counseling- they provide more intensive counseling in a structured environment (several hours a day), and can be either inpatient or outpatient-based depending on need. If one of those is an option, it may solve the issue of where to live, while getting a lot of support, but is not a mental hospital. Maybe ask the therapist about group sessions too - as many add-ons as could be helpful, doesn't have to be just one method.
Keep using all these tools. As both a hopeful person and a problem-solver, you are armed with a unique combination. That along with the therapist's guidance is very promising, and I am glad you posted here too.
Hi again RLarson, I didn't mention in my last post that the psychiatrist is also a big component in your toolbox. I hope you won't leave that one out. The professionals have a lot of tools of their own that you could need. If you are upfront and share with him/her what all has happened, once again you'll find there are a lot of possibilities in-between that we don't even know of, and that may not amount to what you're thinking of as a mental hospital either.
No shame there, remember they do this every day so probably not as shocked as you might think to hear about it all... Take care, keep reaching out to the right people.
It is important to remember that you cannot be "locked away" involuntarily unless you are a danger to yourself or others. Don't let that interfere with getting help. A psychiatrist would probably prescribe antipsychotics, and refer you to a therapist (which you said you've already been seeing) for counseling.
Hi RLarson, I am very sorry to hear about your difficulties, you have been through a lot. What came to me from your post too though is how you've managed to use resources and seek solutions in the midst of it all. You have turned to ways to help alleviate your issues both spiritually-- looking into different religious ideas, getting counseling; and practically-- moving place of residence, going on to college, maintaining a work schedule. Yep you must be an extremely resourceful and strong person.
When you do try these different paths, it is smart to change direction if one doesn't work well. It's good to leave behind the ones that weren't right for us, and even mentally see how much you can leave the high school bullying days behind, continuing to move forward as you are obviously doing. You also mentioned that you were at home with physical and emotional violence on a consistent basis, and that when you returned home after being away you suffered a psychotic break. So home is not where you want to be, and that is good analysis on your part. Taking things at a step at a time, can you make a list of a few options outside of home then? And include the ups & downs for each, like you did in your post-- Moving to new city = some distance from family is a plus, but concern about having a break in a new city alone is a minus). You'll probably find some in-between places, so that you're not at home, but not alone in an unfamiliar environment either.
Then how about you share the options you're considering with your therapist?
It sounds like you are comfortable with and making progress with your therapist! As a trained pro he/she can help you think through them, so that you make a decision for yourself but with the added benefit of their insight. Your therapist may even add options you haven't considered, that people in their area of work know about. like I've heard of programs that are not a mental hospital, yet are more than occasional counseling- they provide more intensive counseling in a structured environment (several hours a day), and can be either inpatient or outpatient-based depending on need. If one of those is an option, it may solve the issue of where to live, while getting a lot of support, but is not a mental hospital. Maybe ask the therapist about group sessions too - as many add-ons as could be helpful, doesn't have to be just one method.
Keep using all these tools. As both a hopeful person and a problem-solver, you are armed with a unique combination. That along with the therapist's guidance is very promising, and I am glad you posted here too.
Thanks for your reply. every day i feel i am more and more in contact with reality. One thing I did was look up psychosis and read about it on the internet. I really learned a lot and was able to realize that i was suffering from this. at first i thought everyone else had changed and that there was something wrong with the way everyone else saw things. I am applying for jobs in another town and am just hoping i can manage to make it on my own. it's a struggle every day to remember to pay bills, to get up motivation to clean etc. before all this happened i had so much more energy.
Hi RLarson, I hope you're feeling better, and checking in with your counselor on all the options for living arrangements!
I was watching a tv show and there were so many residential group therapy places featured. Again, these aren't mental hospitals. A lot of them looked very comfy and had both on-site and off-site support to help people out, so it looks like you could have quite a few choices to select from. It seems like a much better prospect than going it alone in a new town... even without some of the issues you're facing, moving somewhere new by oneself is a difficult thing to do. why add that burden.
I would emphasize that talking to a trusted therapist about all of your symptoms is very important. I understand the fear of repercussions, but most often, the repercussions we imagine are far more severe than the reality of what happens. There is a proverb that I try to keep in mind always: "Fear makes a small thing cast a large shadow".
Your therapist is able to recognize and treat disorders, and has been trained to deal with all of the symptoms and feelings that come along with them. Although you might feel isolated and all alone, your problems are not unusual and your symptoms fall neatly into understood disorders. Just vocalizing the reality of your experience may alleviate a tremendous amount of the stress you are feeling. Your therapist may have treated several or many other people that have dealt with the same problem, and surely has treated many, many people with similar symptoms.
Remember that the problem is not indicative of some lack of control or ability, or a character flaw that you have, it is an illness. Like all other illnesses, it needs only the proper treatment. You seem to be a very strong and resilient person, and I wish you the best.
I want to thank you for all you both have been sharing. I am the aunt and legal guardian of my niece who has just recently suffered from a psychotic break and currently, delusions. She admitted to hearing voices while she was involuntarily (through police) placed into a juvenile mental institution (she broke someone's door down,..thinking she had to inform them of information regarding her delusions).
She has NEVER broken a rule in her life. Raised first in a violent home where both parents fought and verbally and physically abused eachother. When her parents divorced, she then suffered being the oldest of four siblings to a severely alcoholic mother who is not in rehab then will serve prison, convicted of her 2nd DWI. During the course of these alcoholic events, she and her brothers were in CPS for a while. Family members could not help at the time because we all lived out of state and in the state they resided (TX), a home approval wouldn't be allowed until after 1 month. Other family from her stepfather's side were approved to take care of them after the children were already in CPS's foster/shelters for 2 months. They encountered an okay situation there with the step-extended family,...however they faced shame and were not treated the best due to their mother's actions.
She is a senior now in high school, made a's and b's for her first time. Moving from a multicultural city to now a predominately white city (she is a mix of many nationalities) posed a stress to her somewhat. However, she mostly had a problem of affiliating her feelings with her friends.
It's amazing how this strong girl, after all the home life she encountered, would be so affected by these other external problems that weren't necessarily hers. I am aware though that the pain of her past caused a lot of these problems---all weaved together into one cloth.
I did not just take her in randomely as the "Aunt who could just support her". I knew her since she was born, she lived with me some years to get her grades back up (all with A's and B's everytime she stayed), she'd spend every summer with me. I did that just to give these kids a break.
Starting college soon, I thought by getting her here her Senior year would help her step into college in my state and get her use to the area,...see if she really would want it.
Boy,...did I not know how this would effect. I didn't realize that with her freedoms,...having no stresses to deal with at home,...well that was not the "only solution". She did need therapy. Need to learn HERSELF and not herself as the "faux mother" she had to play with her alcoholic mother for 8 years (I did not know her mom was a severe alcoholic--they hid it out of shame,...and her stepdad who she loves dearly was contracted over seas during those 8 years)
She is a kind, gentle personality. Doesn't rebel, laughs. She is naturally a helpful, giving soul and doesn't just "always agree" to make everyone happy. She does speak up every now and then,...regarding respect in the family. I never pressured her into making the best grades because I didn't want her to feel inferior or pressured b/c I knew she was so behind academically that that would be enough. Always told her "it's okay,...we will help you even if we have to do it through summer school". Assured her if college isn't in her plan, we would help guide her through another trade.
And despite all of these things,....
she started experienced first and anxiety attack that led to a psychotic break. This coincided with delusions that she believed people were planning out to put her in a mental hospital and that she felt she had to be an organ donor and donate to her dying grandmother (my mom has terrible stage 4 cancer of many organs),....Though my niece knew that organ donation does not cure the problem at all. She had a number of delusions I will not mention,...but basically,...she suffered a break that the physicians are still studying to see if it will be schizophrenia.
They did say the important thing was to share the delusions so as to connect reality to delusions. To talk it out b/c hiding it or being ashamed will only hurt her and make her think it is embarassing and a part of "reality" to some degree if not shared. Said she would start to believe it on her own as the symptoms start getting worse.
I realize it's a hard, long, life-supporting issue,...and I wanted to say that you are an inspiration on how strong and resourceful you have been for yourself. You have helped me become aware of how I must walk hand in hand with her,...though she will have to live the world on her own two feet,...but to always gently and lovingly let her know I am by her side and ready to listen without accusations or looking at her like she's crazy. That I am here to help her through the thoughts and let her come into my world to let them free and to therapeutically approach them together.
Blessed to have read this today. These events happened 2 weeks ago and thank God she only had one semester left to graduate. She seems to be coming back,..but I am aware to keep my 2 feet on the ground and help this soul that is needing guidance, protection, freedom, and yet,...love.
Thank you two.
Correction,,...my niece is currently in a mental institution now,...but prior to this,...she was a healthy, happy, functioning senior in high school who was doing well. And by her close friend's observation and opinion,.very confident and happy. Wanted to clear that up that she is not in school and will eventually come home to me and have "hospital bound school" schooling. They supported that she should avoid the anxiety school caused her at times (racism at the predominately white school) and other stresses that could cause this. My husband and 2 children love her and have only but been a positive presence to love and support her. We pray always for her.
So many typos---their mother IS now in rehab and the reason they could not come with their family in outside states is TX is terrible about approving outside state homes for CPS kids and it took 6 months for the home approval to be completed.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My niece had a psychotic breakdown,..delusions
