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LOL, a friend told me that I can have a conversation with a brick wall. (Not sure if that was a compliment!) So when I say I'm reserved, I don't necessarily mean quiet or shy. I just mean that a certain part of me often doesn't get engaged when I'm talking to people and I'm not sure how to release that. Like I'll talk to anyone and then we go home and that's it. I've noticed that other people often make that connection and become friends and I've wondered what the diff is. It's not that I'm secretive about myself, b/c I'm more often guilty of TMI than too little.
Part of it I think is that I go out in groups many times, but maybe not often enough or consistently enough with the same ones. I've gone out with meetups and had a ton of fun, but then I may not get out with that same group for several more months and by then all our convos have gone cold. I've really hit it off with a pair of women from one but it's been over a month since I saw them last so I really need to work on consistency and communication, just as our OP has stated. I went out with a group of 30 somethings one evening and we saw a belly dancer and had a nice dinner and I really had fun with them and we laughed a lot, but it's been months. But hey, I'm going to a b-day party tonight for a woman in my dance group and I have done that pretty much every week so things are looking up.
Re the bolded, yes, I can relate to that, too. I don't make permanent friends easily.
But have fun tonight--sounds as if the dance group is working out well.
I find the NYers very friendly.. I was raised not too far from New York, and I can really relate to someone from NYC! They're smart, educated, amusing, cynical (but in a creative way, lol) and fun to talk to. And they're not uppity either, like some from the NE area sometimes are.. not that all New Englanders are uppity. some are very down to earth...
In fact, the ONE neighbor in our neighborhood whom I don't even know at all, but have had several pleasant conversations with, happens to be from NY too!
I wish we had more NYers in our area, especially from the city. I love your accents too. They're very cool!
AND, one of my favorite actors, Adrian Brody is from NY too! Brooklyn, isn't it? He's great!
You know when I was a kid, we used to walk everywhere! My parents never gave us rides, we'd even take the bus into downtown, when we wanted to go there!
Now, the parents drive their kids EVERYWHERE! Well, it sort of makes sense.. Drivers have become more dangerous, they dont watch out for pedestrians like they should and there's less sidewalks in some neighborhoods, like there used to be....
I notice that people who do walk in my neighborhood, do TEND to say hello, while the ones who never do, don't usually speak to ya.
I'm not from New York, though I've been commuting to work there for 32 years. I lived most of my life in north Jersey, and last year I moved down to Monmouth County, central/coastal NJ. Longer commute, but there's an ocean!
Well, windsong, don't feel you're the only one putting off things. I'm the Queen of Procrastination. I think I shud start a website, Procrastination Station! LOL
You wouldnt' believe the number of things I need to do, but put off doing.... well, that's my own mistake...
But the posters are right, need to get together with others with similar interests. I'm trying to do the same thing.
I tried last month to attend a musical band, cuz they said they needed percussionists, but when i went there, they didn't really need any, and it was far to travel.. But still, there's a band closer by, so I'm going to try again.
Oh, gosh... being lonely is difficult... for sure...
That's why I used to love to go to chat rooms. You sort of felt like you were hangin out with people on daily basis. I know lots of people dont' like chatrooms, but if you got some cool folks in there, then it's fun!
Well, speaking of old friends dying, I need to go & visit an elderly neighbor who just went into a nursing home a few months ago.... I know she's not doing well, and I need to go see her.
I don't have friends. I don't date. The last few years I have become very isolated socially. I am okay with that, just been into my own stuff. I really don't miss friends much, but I do have "work friends" who I am friendly with, just not overly social. Socializing is just too much work and drama now. My Aunt has "friends" at her golf club. I wonder how many of those people would be her "friend" if she could no longer afford the club, or lunch at the club? I don't need people like that in my life to "eat lunch with", those type of people I can easily do without.
I too feel uncomfortable being around people but as a result, I come across as overly chatty as nervousness overpowers me and I end up rambling on and on... This in turn has me labeled as a "talker" when in essence, I'm happiest just sitting in silence, alone....talk about a mental quandary......
Plus, I'm know my aquaintances exist because of my location (small town living; born and bred) and not necessarily types I would seek out if I was living in a larger metropolis with more diversity .....so I often find myself trying to fit in with people who really think along different lines and thought processes than I do....with the end result being, I'm viewed as a bit of an oddity but in a good sense; think white bread vs pita bread....
Introvert or just odd? Hmmmmmmm....
Result of personality or upbringing? Which for me, consisted of a large out of control, dysfuntionally damaged family of 10 kids in which I was #9: retiring to a quiet corner entertaining myself while staying out of harm's way is, to this day, my strongest self preservation trait...
The search for acceptance and understanding continues......
Last edited by Fallingwater79; 07-12-2011 at 06:18 AM..
OP your post touched me - I am about 10 years younger, but as I age, I see my friendships waning. Its very sad and I make friends easily enough, but as I get older I am pickier and more critical. You have received very good advice from other posters, but I wanted to let you know you were not alone and I think its more prevalent than we know - people just dont talk about it. I say see a therapist - heal thyself so to speak; and consider immersing yourself in something; writing, reading, your health, a charitable cause - and perhaps that will help. Good luck to you.
I just turned 40 and don't have any close friends besides my husband. I am fairly introverted, as is my DH, and we don't have a lot of time to socialize outside of work. Each of us know a lot of work people but they are mostly acquaintances, some closer than others. DH also has a lot of acquaintances from a club he belongs to. I suspect even if we had more time our social life wouldn't change much. Making friends via clubs or groups works for a lot of people. If I had more time I would pay to learn to quilt. There's a place near my office which holds quilting classes and I often entertain the idea. Sometimes learning to do something you've always wanted to try can bring new friends into your world. For me it would take the emphasis off meeting new people and instead on the activity.....which, for me, would put me more at ease.
I just turned 40 and don't have any close friends besides my husband. I am fairly introverted, as is my DH, and we don't have a lot of time to socialize outside of work. Each of us know a lot of work people but they are mostly acquaintances, some closer than others. DH also has a lot of acquaintances from a club he belongs to. I suspect even if we had more time our social life wouldn't change much. Making friends via clubs or groups works for a lot of people. If I had more time I would pay to learn to quilt. There's a place near my office which holds quilting classes and I often entertain the idea. Sometimes learning to do something you've always wanted to try can bring new friends into your world. For me it would take the emphasis off meeting new people and instead on the activity.....which, for me, would put me more at ease.
Go for it!!!!! I've always wanted to quilt/sew and I plan on looking into it soon...(I AM the queen of procrastination so how "soon" remains to be seen ). But I'm convinced doing things you like in turn brings you around people who have similiar likes who, in turn, are possible friends.....seems simple enough, but I'm very slow in getting to the "things I like to do" (see above ) so, it becomes a vicious cycle....
Youngest heading off to school in August; my time awaits me!!!!
I like the thread about Americans being "cold"....I am shocked how this does seem to be true..Folks seem to be disconnected due to technology, fearful of strangers, have lost their social skills, don't smile and hide out behind technology
PS--I have heard SE Asia, specifically Thailand is the remedy i.e friendly, warm, everyone smiles..
I am a single male. 40's, parents dead, no family, no reason to be in the USA anymore...So I'm trying to muster the courage to make a solo trip there in 2011...I'll report back to the group...!
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when in essence, I'm happiest just sitting in silence, alone....talk about a mental quandary......
). But I'm convinced doing things you like in turn brings you around people who have similiar likes who, in turn, are possible friends.....seems simple enough, but I'm very slow in getting to the "things I like to do" (see above 
) so, it becomes a vicious cycle....
