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I, like everyone else, believe that bullies "bully" other people simply so they can feel better about themselves. I actually had someone today threaten to "beat my face in" because I picked up his frisbee that he was using. Had I been a tough looking guy, he most likely wouldn't have said anything to me. But because I look weak, he knew he could talk big and it'd make him seem more powerful, which in turn would make him feel better about himself.
In my opinion, bullies "bully" people for a number of reasons. Sadly society has made people believe that if you are part of the "popular" crowd, then you gotta act like a tough guy or else your group wont accept you. I mean, really...how often do you see someone from the "popular" crowd actually befriend a "loner?" Not too often. I believe that some people who bully do actually feel remorse, but they don't want to show it because it'll make them look weak. That's just my opinion though.
"Bullies" don't seem to think twice when it comes to "heaping shame" on other people. Or making fun of other people etc...But yet they don't seem to have any shame themselves when it comes to their own words and behavior...They lack sensitivity when it comes to considering the impact that their words (or actions) might have on other people's feelings or self-esteem...I'd like to start a discussion about "bullies" and "abusers" and what makes them "tick!" Thanks!
Overly Vindictive people just live in the mindset of your doing well then they want to take you down, as opposed to concentrating on bettering themselves, their objective is sabotage.
Overly Vindictive people just live in the mindset of your doing well then they want to take you down, as opposed to concentrating on bettering themselves, their objective is sabotage.
There is objective is for you to fail.
I agree with you about "sabotage." I think a lot of adult "bullies" were probably mocked and belittled and sabotaged when they were growing-up and they "act-out" and treat others the way they were treated...I worry about all of the sarcasm that goes on in some families and supposed "humor" that is more like a "put down."...I'm all for "play!" It's not healthy to be stoic and serious all the time. But non-stop sarcasm isn't healthy either. Life isn't suppose to be a real life TV sit-com where everyone makes wise-cracks and snide remarks towards loved ones all the time either! How do you feel about it?
I've tried to reach and befriend bullies during my life. Some can snap out of it for a little while if they develop a little trust for someone. But it doesn't usually last for long. I guess they feel naked without all of their defenses and protective gear...I've seen some bullies break down and cry a few times. But they "dam up" their feelings again right away because they fear being exposed and vulnerable. Sad that they live in such a "dog-eat-dog" type of mentality where they feel a need to "pick" on others. I guess they don't feel safe unless they intimidate others. They want to "scare people off" so they won't become a target themselves.
I don't know why, but I seem to be a "target" for bullies. I have encountered more than my share in employment, and personal life. Is is a lack of self esteem? So I already look like an "easy" target? I don't know...but the last bully I dealt with, was beyond anything I have ever experienced. She was an older woman, professional, well educated, sort of a "Grandmother" type, but she was mean, and sneaky. She bullied me mercilessly, lied, it was beyond belief. She made it her "mission" in life, to get me fired from a job, just "because"...there must be some sort of personality disorder that warps someone like this...she also bullied other people, I knew this, but did not disclose it, because the way she did it was very subtle. It was all about power over others for her..."I am the queen, and I decide who gets what, when, and why"...creepy that there are people like this on the earth. I am just glad I am far away from her...yet, she had a family, children, just strange...is she evil to the core? Or normal sometimes, evil other times?
I worked with the younger version of this woman. The odd behavior started on day one. She was very sneaky and very subtle. She would act one way with me (rude and condescending) and put on a different face around others (smiling, laughing, joking) which made it difficult for others to see her bullying side although it would peek out from time to time. She made up lies about me and generally made a job that I would have otherwise loved, miserable. When I quit I warned my boss that she would choose another target after I left. My boss didn't fully understand what I was talking about until she became the next target.
This particular bully was a single woman who was desperate for a relationship and she seemed to have it out for women who were the same age and happily married. She was very competitive and always wanted to know what others were doing and it made her angry if she wasn't keeping up or if someone else was given responsibilities that she was not. She liked to compare and thought that if people did things in a different way then she did, they were wrong. These types of things often triggered her into making up lies about me. She also told me that she "used to be a bully" when she was a kid. I wanted to scream, "YOU ARE STILL A BULLY!" I think a lot of bullies start really young and continue for life.
Hmm, psycho. I think it is a twisted lack of self esteem or something, maybe just a personality disorder that makes people like to be mean to others, so they can feel more "powerful". Sad that people like this can wreck havoc on other people's lives. I tried to not let her have power, but I just don't focus on life like a chess game of winning and losing like some people seem to do. I just let her win, she was so mean, I could not stoop to her level.
All I know, is that if you work with a vicious bully, it is worth it to get away. I am so happy I got away from that bully. She brought hostility to a whole new level, I had never experienced before. One of her "methods" was to just pretend I did not exist, "forget" to tell me about important meetings, or tell me something one time, three months prior to the event...in an e mail full of other things...a small note, "Oh,BTW in a few months I am planning blah blah blah..." and then, when it came around, and I had no clue what what going on...she would, in a syrupy voice say, "well, I told you about it in February...."....a event that took months to plan, that I should have been included in on most of the planning, she shut me out, until she told me the DAY before the event that I should come...and I went, that was when I found out I was one of the MAIN speakers...I had NO CLUE about the presentation...no one would even believe that level of malicious behavior. It was beyond belief.
Wow. Sadly, I'm related to a couple of women like this.
I agree with people who said that bullying is probably a self-esteem issue (low or high). Some people are actively encouraged by family members to behave in abusive ways too though that's not always the case.
Bullying in the workplace has probably thrived because of the competitive landscape in corporate America and the cut-throat tactics used within.
Then there's the issue of female bullying. Women are in the workplace and even though they've got a huge place in the professional climate, they still struggle, making less money than men for the same work, facing more obstacles to upper management and generally being overlooked professionally.
Add to that the fact that women in management positions still face the double standard of being "too nice" or "too bitchy" (there's no in-between) it can be pretty hard to be in a position of authority as a woman. However cut-throat aggressiveness is still more favored in the workplace so it's no surprise that people who use it never face the consequences.
The worst part is that as unprofessional as some bullies can be, it's hard to stand up to them without it reflecting badly on oneself; I'd be surprised if bullies don't lay awake nights making sure of that.
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