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having read and researched (and u guys are great here w. some details) has anyone known a true story where kids, even pets are affected and act differently than they could have if they were in a nurturing environment?
I am writing a piece on this, and a lot of posts here (plus the current news, sadly) seems to reflect a loss in the quality of life for American children and teens.
I am very inyerested in just hearing stories you have known personally, you can just use an alias for the people, but I am really sensing a big issue here which the system has ignored for 20 years. Thanks in advance for some of your thoughts
I am very involved in issues concerning domestic violence and sexual assault; I have become a strong advocate, activist and spokesperson in this arena. I have participated in leadership and legislative forums; have spoken to communities; organizations such as Rotary; I am on the board of one of the organizations re: helps victims of domestic violence and sexual assault. I have participated in panels including those to high schools students. I have spoken out and about abuse to animals in DV situations. There are now 2 states that have orders of protection for animals: Maine was the first, Vermont was the second.
Domestic violence is one of the most egregious and insidious diseases and crimes that affect people all over the world. There has been a marked increase in DV with the current financial condition and I only see it getting worse.
Domestic violence comes in many forms - it can be subtle; it can be emotional, financial, spiritual, sexual and of course physical. There are still way too many people who simply to not understand the intricacies of domestic violence - they just don't get it and they tend to get angry with the victim for simply not leaving. It is that simple, at all. And, the greater risk of death occurs when that victim does leave.
I have a myriad of stories I can share with you, all of them very true and scary: many, I believe, would stun even the most prepared and sophisticated reader.
There continues to be wayyyy to much judgment; even law enforcement, if not properly trained 'do not get it'; and what is worse, there are still judges and prosecutors who do not get it. Dropping a domestic violence charge and/or lowering/plea bargain to a lesser included offense is all too often simply going to prolong the inevitable when that victim gets so badly beaten and/or murdered and then what, who within the judiciary and law enforcement is held accountable. None.
I recall participating in a press conference w/some reporters and they were talking/asking about different ways perhaps they could help, as an industry, to bring more awareness to the public of the seriousness of domestic violence and sexual assault [and I am referring to sexual assault w/in a DV situation] and I responded that all too often it is about semantics and how people, when reading, "hear" certain words in a specific way.
For example, using the term domestic incident - an incident, is spilling a glass of milk on the floor [how serious is that, really...--smile]...a domestic disturbance - that is a poltergist - that is a disturbance -- I suggested to the reporters to call it what it is...domestic violence. When a person is battered, is in the hospital with a broken face and body, and/or battery acid poured all over them, that is not an incident, that is not a disturbance, that is violence. And, when a person is murdered, that is not a disturbance or an incident either. It is violence.
When more people begin to recognize what this is, that is affects all levels of our society and social strata, when people reach out to a victim and say, hey, what can I do, are you safe, and not judge, well, perhaps that will be a start.
And, for every offender who is appropriately charged with domestic violence, that is aggravated assault and that is a serious felony charge and it needs to be viewe as such.
I have raised this issue in other postings, glad you have done so here and feel free, if you prefer, to email me directly. I also betcha there will be others who will be appreciative that you have done so, and of course, I betcha, unfortunately, that there will be those who still think it is the victims' fault, or they should just leave. They have not a clue how difficult that is to do and how brave it is for that victim to do something, anything.
I am very inyerested in just hearing stories you have known personally, you can just use an alias for the people, but I am really sensing a big issue here which the system has ignored for 20 years. Thanks in advance for some of your thoughts
How its treated is largely dependent on Law Enforcements training, varies county to county, state to state and even amoung law enforcement officers who may be biased or carry their own prejudices.
Typically females grow up and gravitate to abusive partners and males perpetrate the same violence they witnessed. Its their family legacy.
They'll do poorly in school, have self esteem issues, poor communication
and generally act out or escape into drugs or alcohol.
I am happy to share my own story but would rather share it in PM. I've shared it in bits and pieces on the forums and you can find it if you do searches of my posts with words like "abuse". Most recently I posted about it in this thread.
I definitely noticed our pets changed demeanor when things got abusive.
SM -god bless u----u know women who do social work have seen the worst of the worst.....I worked with TBI/SCIP (spinal cord injury kids.....alot of them (in florida) grew up horribly......every time I read some stories on this sub-forum, i see how parents are negligent (some also extremely impoverished)
I cry for Caylee and the abused without a voice.....childern and animals didnt ask to be born into a hellish life.....I will DM u I have a publisher and its about facts---no one in my family killed someone....
btw one good, but sad book is by Mikhal Gilmore_ Shot in The Heart.....he wasnt the youngest brother of gary Gilmore who wrote a non-fiction account of the Utah crimes.....the psychology to me is fascinating, bcs if his mother had sent those kids to a dr/therapist too
Its beyond sad that kids live the hell their parents created ....
I know many stories, few with a happy ending. The ones that bothered me the most was when a Grandparent was abused, or neglected, and the children in the home were witnesses to that type of treatment being perpetrated on a dependent, helpless, often disabled senior. The kids may not have been abused, but just being exposed to seeing another person neglected and abused must take a toll on their impressionable minds.
This occurs more than we know. Who knows what the ramifications will be?
Jasper12, how right you are...and actually that too would be considered abuse, the fact that those children had to witness such atrocious behavior. I continue to shake my head w/disbelief when I not only hear about these stories but the sentiment of others that they do not understand, or how can that affect the kids and/or 'we should get involved but'...and even moreso, people still do not know who to contact, authority/agency wise, when they believe there are abuse issues going on somewhere.
/or 'we should get involved but'..[/b].and even moreso, people still do not know who to contact, authority/agency wise, when they believe there are abuse issues going on somewhere.
Kids that are absent from school frequently are telltale and teachers who are atuned to the signs can certainly call social services.
Domestic violence is frequently covered and lied about, by parent and child. Parents fear social services will take their children.
The "we should get involved but" its classic. There may be good reason. Women return to the abuser so frequently. The honeymoon phase begins, it becomes a vicious cycle. Many close to the abused tire of hearing excuses made by the victim.
Last edited by virgode; 09-26-2011 at 12:01 PM..
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