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I always took that natural inclination to isolate myself as a sign that I needed to deal with a particular rhythm that was not sitting well with me. Sometimes you feel and have to do. Sometimes things happen and you have to stop and feel. Then I come back stronger and wiser to that experience and circumstances leading up to, and also the feeling being within it. Then finally how to resolve it.
That is the end and I come out of the isolation as a stronger individual. This process can last any amount of time but working intelligently forward for matters of efficiency becomes a matter of focus and concentration.
GCG
I agree...Sometimes it takes time to see all sides to an issue and process all of our feelings etc...People who go for a "quick fix" might have to deal with an "avalanche" of unexpected feelings at a later date. (Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome.)
Because no one gives a sh1t. People have their own problems, nobody wants to hear about mine. Only attention wh00res command that other people care about their problems. It isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but I just sit in my apartment, open a bottle of red, and look forward to the next day. This is your fate once you are over 40 and are unhappy. People have lives now, they have family and friends. For those who don't, tough luck.
^^^ This.
The people who have all the goodies are uncomfortable hearing about someone else's life that isn't peachy, so they are not going to be willing listeners anyway. Or worse, they will respond with tired cliches that have no meaning and might make me want to slap them. Hehehe.
Also, as some of the others here have said, I naturally tend to go inward with my problems. I have never had anyone to "lean on" when I had any trouble, except for the years when I was paying a therapist to do so, but therapy is different--it's not sympathy. I also know that I am impatient sometimes with those types of people who do scramble around looking for attention whenever something doesn't go their way.
The people who have all the goodies are uncomfortable hearing about someone else's life that isn't peachy, so they are not going to be willing listeners anyway. Or worse, they will respond with tired cliches that have no meaning and might make me want to slap them. Hehehe.
Also, as some of the others here have said, I naturally tend to go inward with my problems. I have never had anyone to "lean on" when I had any trouble, except for the years when I was paying a therapist to do so, but therapy is different--it's not sympathy. I also know that I am impatient sometimes with those types of people who do scramble around looking for attention whenever something doesn't go their way.
It's hard for me to be around "drama queens and kings" who don't make an attempt to find a solution to their problems. It's different when people can verbalize what they are feeling and "going through" in a respectful way. (Respectful and considerate of their "listeners.) It's weird when someone just drops their problems on our "lap" without giving much thought to any of it themselves. Don't you think?....Maybe it's an "ego thing" for me or I just feel responsible for doing a certain amount of work on my problems myself before I involve others or ??? I don't want to come across as totally "clueless!" I'm not looking for a "quick fix" or worn-out cliches. (As you mentioned.)...Some problems don't have neat and tidy solutions. It takes work and effort to process all the feelings surrounding the problem. And come to terms with "imperfect solutions!"
I'm one of those who likes my isolation. I've always been kind of a solitary person, never one to have a bunch of friends - usually just a few close ones (hell, I only have something like six or seven "friends" on FB - and three of those are my kids ). I've never had a problem doing things on my own and by myself.
I have my little hillside homestead and lots of animals and my best days are the days I never leave my driveway. I still have one kid at home and he's involved in lots of activities, which usually have me running him here, there, and everywhere. I would say that 75% (or more) of my trips out of here are kid-related.
I am just very content when I'm here, with no one else around but my critters.
I guess some of us don't see isolation as some kind of a curse, but a privilege. In fact, I'd like to hear from people who share those feelings and I had actually been thinking about starting a thread to draw them out.
I'm one of those who likes my isolation. I've always been kind of a solitary person, never one to have a bunch of friends - usually just a few close ones (hell, I only have something like six or seven "friends" on FB - and three of those are my kids ). I've never had a problem doing things on my own and by myself.
I have my little hillside homestead and lots of animals and my best days are the days I never leave my driveway. I still have one kid at home and he's involved in lots of activities, which usually have me running him here, there, and everywhere. I would say that 75% (or more) of my trips out of here are kid-related.
I am just very content when I'm here, with no one else around but my critters.
I guess some of us don't see isolation as some kind of a curse, but a privilege. In fact, I'd like to hear from people who share those feelings and I had actually been thinking about starting a thread to draw them out.
I do often enjoy being alone, but I feel I need a balance. I also have issues in that at this age with one bad marriage and no interest in me from anyone else, I feel I am going to go to my grave without having experienced what it was like to be loved, and that does bother me as much as I would like that bothersome thought to go away. On the other hand, I certainly don't want to have someone just to say I have someone and would probably not want a full-time person around all the time at this point.
Because no one gives a sh1t. People have their own problems, nobody wants to hear about mine. Only attention wh00res command that other people care about their problems. It isn't the healthiest thing in the world, but I just sit in my apartment, open a bottle of red, and look forward to the next day. This is your fate once you are over 40 and are unhappy. People have lives now, they have family and friends. For those who don't, tough luck.
Exactly. At 43 with the career gone and a divorce I didn't want, it is over. Nobody cares, and I don't care to talk to anyone. Life didn't work out. Had I known 10 years ago I would end up like this, I would have ended my life then. I consider that option daily now. All I have to look forward to is being broke and homeless, and thats no way to live, so why even bother?
I do often enjoy being alone, but I feel I need a balance. I also have issues in that at this age with one bad marriage and no interest in me from anyone else, I feel I am going to go to my grave without having experienced what it was like to be loved, and that does bother me as much as I would like that bothersome thought to go away. On the other hand, I certainly don't want to have someone just to say I have someone and would probably not want a full-time person around all the time at this point.
I like to write, which is a solitary activity.
I've been married and divorced twice and that was enough for me.
The first time I got divorced, I was only 24. I knew that I wanted to get married again and have more kids (I had two at that time). I did get married and had three more boys but I've been single this time around since my youngest was four months old (sixteen years) and I have zero interest in doing it (marriage/relationship) again.
I don't have much but what I do have is mine - my little farm, my vehicles, and most importantly, my time and energy.
I've been a single parent for much of my adult life (five years the first time, sixteen this time) and I have to admit that I'm looking forward to when I no longer have another human to take care of (the animals are bad enough ). I love my kids dearly but I have to admit I'm a wee bit weary of it all.
I'm not sure I could fit another person into my solitary life at this point.
Had I known 10 years ago I would end up like this, I would have ended my life then. I consider that option daily now.
This makes me very sad and very worried. I hope you will talk to someone who can help you to not feel so hopeless. Maybe medication would help. But please get in touch with a mental health professional as soon as possible.
I hope someone with experience in these types of issues will jump in and offer you the comfort and advice that you need. I'm always at a loss for words in these situations and afraid that I will say the wrong thing.
I've been married and divorced twice and that was enough for me.
The first time I got divorced, I was only 24. I knew that I wanted to get married again and have more kids (I had two at that time). I did get married and had three more boys but I've been single this time around since my youngest was four months old (sixteen years) and I have zero interest in doing it (marriage/relationship) again.
I don't have much but what I do have is mine - my little farm, my vehicles, and most importantly, my time and energy.
I've been a single parent for much of my adult life (five years the first time, sixteen this time) and I have to admit that I'm looking forward to when I no longer have another human to take care of (the animals are bad enough ). I love my kids dearly but I have to admit I'm a wee bit weary of it all.
I'm not sure I could fit another person into my solitary life at this point.
It is nice when they are grown. You can have chips and salsa for dinner if that's what you feel like having and don't have to worry about anybody else. You are lucky to have had the chance to have all those kids! I only have the one--wanted more, but that wouldn't have been smart back when I had to support my ex and my kid, and I hoped to remarry and have at least one more after my divorce, but nobody wanted me, alas. Anyway, can't complain, she is a good one.
I don't have much material-wise, either--just a little condo and an old car, but I don't need too much in that regard.
Again, I'm not so sure I would want someone in my life full-time. I just would have liked to have known what it was like to feel like somebody loved me! Some people seem to have had the experience ten times, lol, but I never have. My ex didn't love me--he just lied and said he did because every alkie needs someone to feed off of, and I guess he knew I was desperate enough and naive enough at that time to fall for it. For a while, anyway. Then I got smarter.
Exactly. At 43 with the career gone and a divorce I didn't want, it is over. Nobody cares, and I don't care to talk to anyone. Life didn't work out. Had I known 10 years ago I would end up like this, I would have ended my life then. I consider that option daily now. All I have to look forward to is being broke and homeless, and thats no way to live, so why even bother?
Like Cinebar, I wish I could think of something to say that would actually be helpful. I feel bad for you. It sounds as if you've had a rough time. Do you have any other options at all for a career or something that you've always been interested in?
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). I've never had a problem doing things on my own and by myself.
Then I got smarter.
