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This is a cold, dark job market. And my talent in the BS industry would not be enough to get me a job with my lack of a glowing work record, these days. I'm not that good at BS-ing. I can BS to get my boss off my case and get him to think that I'm a decent enough employee, but that's a very different animal from actually getting someone to want to hire you. It's been said that companies care about you as a person once you're an employee, but when you're just an applicant, they want you to prove that you are a perfectly productive robot. Plus I burned a lot of bridges in my previous jobs. I don't have any contacts other than people I know at my current job. Me getting a job ... I don't really see it happening. I think I'm stuck with this one.
When you have a loved one who has Alzheimer's disease, you are constantly facing the possibility of very steep financial burdens in the future. Giving up an income in a situation like that is not a very wise move.
But still, quitting my job and moving in with my folks to help them out with the direct caregiving is exactly what I want to do, emotionally anyways. But logically, I know that would be the dumbest thing I could possibly do, for myself, as well as for them & every other relative. And I've been told so, too.
You're probably right on that. It would put a lot of strain on your relationships. Any way you slice it, when your parents go through this, it plain sucks. Are they going to be able to afford to pay for the care they need?
I participate in a support group type forum for people who are caring for their elderly parents, or just care about their elderly parents. Some folks are really frustrated with their parents behavior, so that part might not interest you, but it's a great place to communicate with folks who are going through some similar things. Let me know if your interested.
Gotta say, you sound pretty normal to me. Maybe just didn't take life seriously enough, as I didn't when leaving home at 15. Got to have a reason I can believe in to be a productive member of society, and with the way the world is heading down hill over the last couple of decades it's getting harder to find a good enough reason for giving ones best in anything.
Don't worry, after the collapse of society as we know it, things should change. When the common man/woman has had enough and can't take it anymore they'll start speaking and acting up for change. It's cyclical, just won't cycle in my lifetime, but come the next generation or two?
Might be ADD.
I have some of your same habits. I am probably a bit more consistent at work than you are, but everything else sounds a lot like me.
I've kind of skated through life taking the road of least resistance.
Most people look down on the type of life I live, probably. But, I see it as their problem.
There is nothing wrong with living a simple life and enjoying it.
Why should we feel guilty that we don't want to be a part of the rate race living on a treadmill?
We contribute when it seems like it will actually mean something, not just for the sake of doing something.
Why bust your behind scrubbing the floor every day til your knuckles bleed, it's just gonna get dirty again, right?
Of course, there are some minimum standards that we should live up to, but I think most people go way over the top in trying to do busy work just to feel like they are living a productive life.
Work hard play hard?
How about everything in moderation?
Working hard and playing hard is too exhausting. I wish I had it in me to just say when once in awhile.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Davros
My problem is I've never grown up. I'm 31 years old, but I act and think like a 12 year old. I despise all chores, and avoid them as much as possible most days.
Once in a while I have a day where I'm very focused, and I get my work done before playing. I call those my manic days.
But most days I wake up and don't give a damn about anything and just plop myself in front of the TV or internet and waste the day. If I go to work I'm unproductive most days. There are days that I am very productive at work, but most days I'm minimally productive. Then, there are days that I go in on my day off and get extra work done, when I feel motivated, my manic days.
I think this could be some form of a depression or bipolar disorder, but it's also a really severe immaturity. I've always been lucky in my life, and I never had to learn how to grow up and be an adult. I'm not the only one. There are many people who have lived sheltered lives, and who have a job, but don't act like adults. I do the minimum necessary to keep my job, and my boss actually thinks well of me, because I'm a very talented BS artist.
Some of this sounds like me, particularly where I'm more motivated on some days than others. I yoyo back and forth between giving my complete all at work on good days and either feeling bad about it later because it does me no good except the higher ups wanting more, or other people who do less openly being appreciated and I'm not. Other times, I hate my job, want out and wonder what the hell I'm doing there. So I understand, it's hard.
The first step in your case, easier said than done, is to separate your voice from the disapproval of others telling you how you should be living, and accept that you are who you are and want what you want. By the way, it sounds to me like you're an adult, you're self-supporting, which is more than some people your age. The next step would be I suppose to think about what you do want out of life. If your life now isn't satisfying you, think about possibilities that might.
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Originally Posted by Davros
I would say that overall my life kind of sucks right now. But only kind of. It could be much worse.
My main problem is I'm kind of stuck living away from my parents, so I can't help them with their health issues as much as I'd like. The economy sucks, and I haven't exactly shown myself to be a valuable employee, so the chances of my moving out to where they are is somewhere near zero. They won't move out to where I am, and I can understand why they won't. I probably wouldn't either if I were in their shoes.
But anyhow, this situation keeps me down in the dumps most days of the week.
The particular health issue my parents are dealing with is Alzheimer's disease. It's a monster.
Sorry to hear about that.
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Originally Posted by looking4answers12
I understand about having an anti-social parent having to get used to caregivers. We are going through a bit of a nightmare ourselves with that situation.
We just had one quit on us this morning.
My Dad also has a history of being verbally abusive. This one caregiver got to her limit, apparently.
My sis convinced her to at least think about coming back after she takes a week off.
If I remember correctly, my mom and uncles went through it with my grandfather, only he didn't really snap at other caregivers, he snapped at his life partner and my mom and uncles. I suppose it's a fine line to draw since their behavior is causing problems but you're walking on eggshells thinking about bringing it up...
If I remember correctly, my mom and uncles went through it with my grandfather, only he didn't really snap at other caregivers, he snapped at his life partner and my mom and uncles. I suppose it's a fine line to draw since their behavior is causing problems but you're walking on eggshells thinking about bringing it up...
My mother died 4 years ago. If she were still alive he'd be verbally abusing her instead of the caregivers. Or, along with the caregivers. I guess that's the silver lining to her being the one to go first. She, at least doesn't have to deal with that anymore.
Davros, it sounds like you are in the process of growing up right now. You see the need and that's the first step. If you were truly into staying a child you'd be getting away from helping your folks as fast as you could get out of there--I should know--I have a 46 yo sis who took off for parts unknown when she realized what would be involved in mom's care. Now mom is dying and suddenly she wants to be there for her. Could it be. . . the inheritance?
Don't you hate how cynical we become when our parents are aging and there is a possible inheritence involved?
And how polarized sisters and brothers become?
Eh, this sis has been estranged from the family for years. She has abandoned 3 children and my mother, grandmother, and I have raised them. She has never had an honest job--nothing she could put on a resume anyway. No one listens to a word she says b/c we never know which is a lie so we just assume all of it is. She stayed in mom's house as a "caretaker" while mom was taking care of her mother and when we told her she'd have to move she refused--at least until she got good and ready and when mom started to need care, she disappeared and only called once in the 3 months after that. Nah, this has nothing to do with the inheritance--it's all spelled out in the will--she'll get her third but my brother said he'd rather have all his fingernails pulled out slowly by the roots than to hand one penny over to the idiot sis. I'm with him on that--she'll have it spent in 3 months on stupid stuff.
Your parents could have put it in some sort of trust for her so that she can only get a certain amount each month. Just a thought.
I don't doubt what you are saying at all. My point is only that (at least in my experience) caring for an aging parent can sometimes bring out the best and the worst in us.
I am experiencing some of these issues in my own family.
I am the one (at times) suspected of "taking advantage" of my Dad...long complicated story.
I am sure we each have or own stories on the topic. I wish you and your parents well.
I hope you sis comes around/ straightens up one day. I don't think anyone means to be a bad person when they start out in life. (I used the term "bad person" because I was afraid the expression that I really want to use might be objectionable in a forum - not that it's a horrible expression).
I am probably not grown up either. If I had parents who would have let me live at home forever, I would probably still be there. But circumstances made it so if I wanted food, and a place to live I had to make my own way. I have always been motivated to make money, probably because I like to spend it. I don't like chores, and procrastinate, I fully admit I am prone to being lazy, nothing wrong with realizing your own faults. If I don't write things down that need to be done, I don't do them. That is the only way I get anything done.
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