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Old 02-18-2012, 08:13 PM
Status: "Even better than okay" (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
51,503 posts, read 50,770,194 times
Reputation: 60521

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Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
That sounds more right to me. What is reality though? I mean, we know there are bad things going on in the world, but it does the world absolutely no good to eat ourselves up about it. Pessimism I do believe makes sense though--it's what I call "The power of negative thinking." How many times have you really looked forward to something, only to be let down with disappointment that it wasn't as great as you thought it would be and how many times have you thought that you really wouldn't have that much fun at an event and then you had a blast? If you don't expect much, you won't be disappointed, right? And you might even end up more delighted than you thought you would be.
I don't know, stepka--LOL, that sounds like a philosophical discussion that could go on for years!

Anyway, the "power of negative thinking" is how I think. I believe it's just my natural way, or at any rate, the way I've thought since I was a kid. I remember an actor from long ago who used to say, "Expect the worst. Everything less is beautiful." I agree with that for the most part!

And really, things do come more easily to some people than others. I've never been able to figure that out, but they do. And negative things happen more to some than others. For example--when I was a kid, I remember being forgotten countless times. I'm talking about, say, an assembly at school where a certificate is being given out to all the kids in the class. My name would not be announced or I'd be left off the list. The same thing happened at the end of the year in the ballet class--everyone was called up and got a ballerina pin, except me. I got it eventually, but I was forgotten/left off the list when everyone was called up at the end-of-year party. The same thing happened in Girl Scouts, in Sunday school, on the softball team. IT HAPPENED ALL THE TIME. I was amazed at my high school graduation that my diploma was in the pile with everyone else's and that they remembered to call my name. I expected it to be otherwise, because that is how it always went for me. Isn't that weird? But it happened, and so I have since always expected to NOT be remembered. That was always my reality.
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Old 02-19-2012, 12:34 AM
 
56 posts, read 29,732 times
Reputation: 38
I went through a bad spot and got to the point where I didn't care about anything either. I discoverd that can be really freeing though. Now I care selectively and blow everything else off.
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Old 02-19-2012, 03:17 AM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,738 posts, read 9,607,380 times
Reputation: 7508
nobody seems to care about anything or anyone anymore. no reason why you should either.
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Old 02-22-2012, 01:10 PM
Status: "happy again, no longer catless! t...." (set 18 days ago)
 
Location: Cushing OK
14,431 posts, read 16,743,296 times
Reputation: 16460
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flicka4 View Post
I went through a bad spot and got to the point where I didn't care about anything either. I discoverd that can be really freeing though. Now I care selectively and blow everything else off.
For me when I discovered that all your plans, expectations and assumptions can be dashed in a second and everything start over from the bottom up has come to be both a nightmare and a wonder. Oddly, having lost everything by the car and what fit in it and the dogs, I still don't miss any of my 'treasures' which went. Some like my g grandmother's wedding dress I should. But it all became 'stuff'.

Thing is now, when its a beautiful moment I drink it in. I wake up with the furries all either on top of me or snuggled next to me and its wonderful, even if the next day is a mess. I realized recently that despite a 'recovery' of sorts (living wise) I still have NO expectations beyond today. But the pay off has been enjoying the things you should enjoy fully, and not lettlng the negatvie one tear you apart. Recently a family member has been pushing and finally pushed to getting mad. The mad did me a whole lot of good. She doesn't even know, but the line has been reached.

I look 'ahead' and its all grey mist. Sometimes I miss dreams but I have come to see them as more fantasy than anything else.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:39 PM
 
5,703 posts, read 15,540,751 times
Reputation: 8514
Quote:
Originally Posted by jc76 View Post
I'm in complete ....Whoah. your all so great, all your comments have made me feel a tad bit human again. That's exactly how I feel, I don't wanna live but damn sure don't wanna die. Seems even family don't understand me. And the Pink Floyd song has always been a favorite, I also draw inspiration from Roger Waters solo songs and Blue October. Thank you all,I truly love you for your support, and being non judgemental.
If any musician/band/songwriter ever nailed depression it was with the song Comfortably Numb. The first time I ever heard it, I was like wow someone else feels like this too?

Hang in there.
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Old 02-24-2012, 11:58 PM
 
Location: St. Louis
7,068 posts, read 5,096,514 times
Reputation: 4066
Quote:
Originally Posted by stepka View Post
OP, I'm exactly in the same spot and all I want to do is just come home from work and vegetate. So many crazy things have happened in the last 3 years and the latest was losing my mom 2 weeks ago and it has been a rough ride. One thing I'm feeling and appreciating though is that this too shall pass. I think you just need to give yourself permission to take it easy and don't do one thing you don't feel like doing, except what you have to, like going to work. Beyond that, if you want to sleep, do so. If you want to play on the internet all day, don't feel guilty. Or go take a nice walk in the woods, but only if you feel like it! One thing I've been up to lately is listening to music and I have discovered several new (to me anyway) songs that I have just fallen in love with and that's really helping to bring me back to life. Also, I am feeling very optimistic right now that most of the bad stuff has passed and it's time for some good things to come into my life and I'm betting it will be the same for you--when it's time. Anyway, if feeling numb makes you a monster, then I'm Godzilla. No really, embrace the numbness.
It's hard losing your parents, no matter at what stage in life or for what reason.

When my Dad died 10 years after my mom dying, I felt very alone in the world even though I'm married and have a bunch of kids of my own. I guess having a parent and house there was always some backup up plan. If I totally screwed up, there was always Dad there and that house to fall back on.

Now, it's just me. Anyway, it's gotten better over time. Life is good.
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Old 02-25-2012, 09:46 AM
 
Location: St. Louis
9,484 posts, read 16,465,460 times
Reputation: 13205
Quote:
Originally Posted by MUTGR View Post
It's hard losing your parents, no matter at what stage in life or for what reason.

When my Dad died 10 years after my mom dying, I felt very alone in the world even though I'm married and have a bunch of kids of my own. I guess having a parent and house there was always some backup up plan. If I totally screwed up, there was always Dad there and that house to fall back on.

Now, it's just me. Anyway, it's gotten better over time. Life is good.
Yeah, it's funny how you can be 50 years old and have almost grown kids of your own and still feel like an orphan. This too shall pass.

OP, how are you doing now? Are things getting better? Or are you at least learning to enjoy your numbness? Well, do listen to some beautiful music--I highly recommend it, but only if you feel like it.
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Old 02-25-2012, 10:04 AM
 
Location: Western Washington
8,004 posts, read 9,690,311 times
Reputation: 19413
Quote:
Originally Posted by jc76 View Post
35, male, no kids, divorced. Mom died of breast cancer in may of 09. Estranged father came into the picture back in August, I was the only of my 2 brothers to give him a 2nd chance after 20+ years, then he died suddenly of a heart attack just a month into he and I making amends. Now I'm drained. I just wanna disappear. I am beyond numb. I just don't really care anymore about anything. Seems life just keeps Getting harder and harder. I can honestly say I don't really care anymore about anything or anyone. I'm not suicidal or homicidal I don't wish harm or good on anyone. My doc n Meds are not helping. So does it make me a monster to just not give a damn anymore?
You're numb. Try thinking of your recent emotional bombardment like this.... Start slapping your thigh, do it repeatedly. Eventually, it doesn't even hurt anymore. Wrap a rubberband around your finger....constant pressure from the rubberband will cause numbness in that finger.

With what you've been through, your "psyche" has retreated in order to allow you to heal. I equate it to floating around in a protective bubble..everything is dim, seeing what's going on around you, but not allowing yourself to be hurt or affected by it. Eventually, you will heal and the numbness will fade a bit. You will be a bit more resillient and you will never be the same, once you recover from it.

If you "allow" yourself the time to heal, you CAN recover. No, you'll never be the same, but hopefully, you'll be better than you were before. You'll have a new respect for life. You won't waste a minute on trivial things that don't matter. Hopefully, you will realize just how precious life is and how quickly a loved one can be torn away from you. Hopefully, you will never forget to tell someone you care about, just how important they are to you, how much you appreciate them, and how much you love them.

Allow these tragic things to make you a better person. Go out and make friends with people who smile and laugh....laugh with them, fake a smile until it feels real....until it reaches your heart. Do something nice for someone...
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Old 02-28-2012, 09:56 AM
 
Location: United States
2,497 posts, read 6,247,321 times
Reputation: 2219
I have read all of your replies. Thank you to each one of you. I think I kinda figured out some of the problem, I look back too much. Like as my mom was dying her friends from church came over to pray with her and the priest. She looked at me with weak eyes and said "Honey do you want to pray with me?" I said no I don't believe in that stuff mom you know that. What a horrible , awful thing for me to say to the woman who raised me by herself and is dying. Not a day goes by that I don't think of that moment and break down crying, I should of prayed with her. Ya know then how horrible I treated my ex wife after my mom died. I was so messes up I put her through total hell, ignoring her, etc. Until she just had to get out. I messed up a lot of things in my life, can't hold a job. So yeah that's why I still feel like a monster or villain, I hurt a lot of people and its irreversible and I don't have really anyone left. So living with this guilt is like cancer, eats me up everyday.
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Old 02-28-2012, 10:20 AM
 
15,208 posts, read 16,101,896 times
Reputation: 25165
Quote:
Originally Posted by jc76 View Post
I have read all of your replies. Thank you to each one of you. I think I kinda figured out some of the problem, I look back too much. Like as my mom was dying her friends from church came over to pray with her and the priest. She looked at me with weak eyes and said "Honey do you want to pray with me?" I said no I don't believe in that stuff mom you know that. What a horrible , awful thing for me to say to the woman who raised me by herself and is dying. Not a day goes by that I don't think of that moment and break down crying, I should of prayed with her. Ya know then how horrible I treated my ex wife after my mom died. I was so messes up I put her through total hell, ignoring her, etc. Until she just had to get out. I messed up a lot of things in my life, can't hold a job. So yeah that's why I still feel like a monster or villain, I hurt a lot of people and its irreversible and I don't have really anyone left. So living with this guilt is like cancer, eats me up everyday.
Even though you didn't pray with your mom, you were there with her and she knew you loved her. I'm sure having you there meant everything in the world to her. Regarding your ex-wife, there's nothing wrong with writing her a letter and apologizing, or picking up the phone and calling her. Don't do it hoping she forgives you because she might not be ready to, but you can do your part and tell her your sorry.

It does sound like grief and guilt are eating you up. Are there any grief support groups where you live? Even though it's been a couple of years since your mother died, it doesn't sound like you've been able to move forward. Talking to some other people who have been through similar things might help.

Do your best to learn what from what happened. You will have many opportunities in life to be kind to people--promise yourself now that given the opportunity, you will always choose to be good to people you know and even those you don't know.

You sure are being hard on yourself. Would you be this hard on a friend, or someone you love? I'm guessing not. Try to forgive yourself and give yourself another chance, like you would a friend.

Good luck to you and I hope you don't give up.
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