I dont know anything about therapy (depression, paranoid, psychiatrist, medication)
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Im curious if I should bother with seeing some sort of psychologist/therapist. Im only 24, but ive been considering seeing a therapist since I was in high school. I think I have a lot of the characteristics of somebody with Social Anxiety or dysthemia or something, but I have no idea if im like, severe enough of a case, or if I just dramatize my own problems, to myself. I figure if something is bad enough that it makes me incapable of doing normal everyday life things, then it might be worth talking to somebody about it. I wouldnt be interested in any kind of meds anyway.
Im super introverted. Im always stuck in my head and im always finding reasons to not do something, or to fear something, as a preemptive defense mechanism. I can be sociable pretty much all of the time, but I often feeling like im faking it or trying my hardest, to squeeze out a smile and some phony friendly persona, when in all actuality I dont give two ****s about the person im talking to and I want to be left alone. Thats another thing. Im super super sensitive to how people perceive me. I cant handle somebody thinking im less than great. If im not up to the challenge of making them like me, I prefer they just not know anything about me, because I absolutely do not dare let them see the truly negative sides of me. Theres so many times when im angry about something or I just simply disagree with something, and im helpless. I cant do anything about it or address the person im in disagreement with about it. Im terrified of the confrontation. I just keep it inside, and it builds up. Tons of little things build up inside, then I hit breaking points where I cant handle it, and then one more little thing tips me over the edge, and I break down into tears. I know that its okay to express how you feel, and I do about certain things, but when it comes to other things, I just cant get it out. Im not even afraid of people on a physical level, I could careless if someone ever wanted to try to start a fight with me or something. I care more about what that person thinks of me though.
I grew up with out my father present in my life, and now as an adult im dealing with whether I should find him again before its too late but thats a whole nother struggle. I was raised by mom, who was super loving, and accommodating and thats the problem. I think she compensated for not providing me with a stable father, by keeping me happy and content and not exposing me to threatening or challenging things. I never had to chores, never had to do anything I didnt want to do really. I barely graduated high school even though I was arguably the smartest kid in my class when it came to book smarts, but I refused to do work. I didnt care, and by the time I was that age, I was too in control for my mom to be able to exert any authority and force me to do what I needed to do. Luckily she was able to identify the one thing that would motivate me, and that was my sense of humility, that I would be embarrassed if I didnt graduate, which would be true, and I squeaked by. So now in my early twenties and im just now learning basic cooking, cleaning, laundry, small repairs, etc. Most people wouldnt think thats the biggest thing in the world, but something about my ego or whatever makes me terrified for anybody to know that im not self-sufficient. I find it utterly embarrassing, and I feel like im several years behind everyone in life skills maturity. Im always getting better and gradually learning more things, but the zinger is that im now married. Ive been married to my wife now for not quite a year and my ineptitude is proving to be a problem. Where as when I was single or when we were even just dating and not living together yet, I could deal with issues at my own pace, on my own time. Now im beholden to my wife, and it sucks when she needs or wants me to do something, something completely reasonable for her to ask of me, and I cant do it, or I need my hand held through the process, and thats unacceptable. My wife understands my issues to a degree, in so far that she tries to help me and is always encouraging me and what not, but what she doesnt understand is why I cant change fast. She thinks I dont care to change, or that im not trying hard enough. Shes just a "get on with the show, takes no crap, get it done now, no frills" type of person. Shes good for me in that sense because she lights a fire under my ass, but theres times where all the demands of adult life overwelm me, and I get upset, or scared or who knows what, and she then gets frustrated with me, and justifiably so, but it just forces me back into my shell that much more.
I dont know. Its like I dont have any one big central problem, but several smaller ones that all clash with each other to create a complete, by dysfunctional person.
I know I have some sort of anxiety, because thats what I feel, all the time. I never have any sense of serenity. I always feel like im performing for people and theyre going to criticize me as soon as I screw up, and im terrified of peoples judgement. Im sure a lot of people feel like they have to perform or fake it for others to get by in this world, but I dont even feel like I have all the tools or training to do so. I always feel like Im being forced to perform in a musical or play or something, and I dont know my part, and im standing on stage looking like a dumbass. Thats how I feel like, 24/7. It gets exhausting feeling like something less than a real man. And whats worse is I have noone to talk to about it, because I pretty much have 3 people im close with......my best friend, who cant really sympathize because he doesnt give a **** about anything.........my wife, who tries to understand and help me, but its wrapped up in the situation herself..............and my mother, who cares, but ultimately cant help me because I feel like shes at the root of the problem, or at least contributed to it in my formative years.
Im just tired of living in fear. Im such a fearful person. Im even paranoid when it comes to my safety. I just bought a new house and anytime I hear the slightest noise I run to the basement or peek out all my windows to investigate. Im always terrified that people are talking about me or criticizing me or wont like me, and it keeps me from doing things. I work a normal everyday manufacturing job, even though I aspire to do professional work in areas that are already of personal interest to me, but I dont know that I have the fortitude to tackle a professional career. I have the intelligence, and I even have charisma, but im terrified of putting myself out there. On top of that I still need to go back to college.
I want to be a stronger person for myself and my wife but I dont know how to do it, at least I dont know how to do it fast enough. I just have all these fears and insecurities and I dont know if these are the kinds of things you discuss with a therapist or what.........see im even afraid of going to a therapist. Not because im afraid of them, and i will have no problem explaining myself to them, im just afraid theyll be dismissive of how strong my feelings are, and im also afraid of people knowing I go to a therapist when I dont publicly appear to be someone with any pressing problems.
Sorry I just needed to vent. Advice is welcome. If not, I understand.
If you feel you might need/benefit from therapy then by all means, initiate! Suggestion would be visit your family MD for a physical and briefly discuss your fears and issues; ASK for a referral to a psychologist/psychiatrist. Your comments certainly indicate to me that an evaluation and possible treatment would be very helpful.
Social anxiety disorder is treatable, if that is the problem, as is depression (another possible)...but we will leave diagnosis to the pros!
I have been treated for these issues and completely understand your post. Therapy and meds combo proved most helpful for me. I obtained about 85% improvement in my life overall.
Should medication be suggested for you, then IMO: give it a shot! If we needs meds to make us function in a more consistent/healthy way, then so what???
I would personally recommend either Narrative Therapy (so you don't pathologize yourself and learn to focus on your strengths) or spiritual counseling - or something on the creative side.
People who tend to live in their heads can fabricate all kinds of problems - so it would be good to find physical outlets - exercise, dance, whatever . . .
You are smart to try to deal with this sooner rather than later.
Definitely find a psychologist. I recommend one with a cognitive-behavioral orientation. Find out who is on your insurance list and call to ask what type of therapy they use. You may have to try more than one to find the one you feel best with.
A cognitive -behavioral therapist will focus on changing your thoughts. You may be given "homework" to practice new techniques between sessions. They are not interested in dreams or how you were potty trained.
You have a good idea of what you want and having a psychodynamic psychotherapist help you get there would be great support. You have much to gain from entering into therapy.
Yes, therapy can be very beneficial! There are a few good books on therapy, if you like to read. One is called Talk Is Not Enough. I forget the name of the author, but you can look it up.
IMO, it is important to know what therapy is and the theory behind how it works. I'm sometimes a little appalled that people who have already been to therapists seem to think it is supposed to be someone giving advice or "someone to talk to". There is a method to what they do and how therapy works.
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