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Old 03-02-2012, 07:06 AM
 
507 posts, read 635,722 times
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I realize that this thread is about narcissistic parents, but what about the flip side? What happens when it's the child who is narcissistic? This is no joke. My husband has a 17 year old that has already been diagnosed as a narcissist by professionals and I can attest this "child" has made both of his parent's lives a living hell. They have bent over backwards for him, and it's never, ever enough.

The ironic thing is it is he who feels like a victim. Of what I don't know, but anytime HE screws up he is quick to blame his parents. I've never met a more manipulative person in my life and since I know first hand how this kid has been raised I know it is not the fault of the parents.

He is one of the reasons I believe people are born narcissists. It truly is a mental illness. My husband and I are still trying to figure out how to deal with him and there may come a day we cut him out of our lives just like some of you have had to do with toxic parents.

Narcissists are the most difficult to deal with, it down right sucks.
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Old 03-02-2012, 07:17 AM
Status: "It's peanut-butter-jelly time, peanut-butter-jelly time!" (set 4 days ago)
 
6,839 posts, read 3,936,784 times
Reputation: 6682
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrainOfSalt View Post
I realize that this thread is about narcissistic parents, but what about the flip side? What happens when it's the child who is narcissistic? This is no joke. My husband has a 17 year old that has already been diagnosed as a narcissist by professionals and I can attest this "child" has made both of his parent's lives a living hell. They have bent over backwards for him, and it's never, ever enough.

The ironic thing is it is he who feels like a victim. Of what I don't know, but anytime HE screws up he is quick to blame his parents. I've never met a more manipulative person in my life and since I know first hand how this kid has been raised I know it is not the fault of the parents.

He is one of the reasons I believe people are born narcissists. It truly is a mental illness. My husband and I are still trying to figure out how to deal with him and there may come a day we cut him out of our lives just like some of you have had to do with toxic parents.

Narcissists are the most difficult to deal with, it down right sucks.
It can go either way. Sometimes I suppose it's possible to have a family full of narcissists, if parents raise kids to be that way. But I suppose most of the time, kids raised by narcissists are more likely to become doormats who have a hard time with boundaries, since narcissists take ample chance to have puppets they can parade around and control. Kids who are narcissistic probably have it in their personality and mentality, and it can get out of control somehow.
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Old 03-02-2012, 03:41 PM
 
51 posts, read 70,269 times
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I started blogging about my experiences with my narcissistic mother. I was adopted at age three, and people assume that I went to live with a better family than the one I was born into. Not the case. I was born to a single mother whose own mother died, and her father couldn't take care of two toddlers while she worked. This was back in the 1970s when there was much less support and acceptance of single mothers.

I was the black sheep, the scapegoat, the crazy one, etc. You name it, I've been called it. Except anything good or positive, unless Mommie Dearest could take credit for it herself.

If anyone is interested in reading my junk, I can post the link or PM it. I didn't want to do some shameless blog promotion. I've been able to connect with many others who went through the same dysfunctional upbringing, and it doesn't matter how different our backgrounds are. Our experiences are so much alike that it's like we all had clones of the same narcissistic protoype.
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Old 03-03-2012, 08:19 AM
 
Location: So Ca
5,424 posts, read 5,201,964 times
Reputation: 4108
Quote:
Originally Posted by GrainOfSalt View Post
...what about the flip side? What happens when it's the child who is narcissistic? My husband has a 17 year old that has already been diagnosed as a narcissist by professionals and I can attest this "child" has made both of his parent's lives a living hell. He is one of the reasons I believe people are born narcissists. It truly is a mental illness.
They say that if a person is raised by a narcissist, there is a high chance h/she will either marry one or raise another one because that's what the person is used to....h/she is drawn to that behavior. I believe there's a lot of truth in that (my mother has narcissistic tendencies, although I don't think she has the full blown personality disorder). I don't think that people are born with personality disorders but I do believe that within the first decade of life, one's basic personality is formed and that there is an environmental component to that. When I was in grad school, many professors stated that narcissists develop from either extreme emotional neglect or extreme indulgence. It's the underlying personality traits that push the person toward a particular disorder (whether personality, mood, or thought disorder).

Quote:
They have bent over backwards for him. I know first hand how this kid has been raised I know it is not the fault of the parents.
But right there you're saying a lot about his parent's--it may be only one--indulgence.
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Old 03-03-2012, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Holland
25 posts, read 37,540 times
Reputation: 27
Well hi there all.

I am from Holland, and I certainly can relate with the above.
I was also adopted and then raised by a narcissistic stepfather.
For years I din't know what happened, but I have found (at 53!!!!) that
my stepfather was , I think, a narcissist.
Offcourse I couldn't understand for years, because when you are adopted, the family that will adopt you is screened, yeaaahh, so they must be normal!
And the whole family is trying to pretend to be normal, well they even try to
be the most normal family. What did I know?
Well, let me tell you that when I was in my twenties I went into therapy because there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, or so I thought. And offcourse once I tried suicide, I think I couldn't cope with this anymore and I felt desperate alone.
I have struggled for years, done therapy and what not.
But once upon a day I met my family-in laws. At the moment when we first met it was a bit odd, but well we'll see. After years of trying to cope with them, I kind of discovered they are all narcisissitic and then I started reading about narcissists and lo and behold, I was reading about my step-father and I felt, while reading, I was in very warm bath of understanding.
Now I am rather convinced he was (or is) a narcissist (I stopped all bonds with him, ,and his whole family for that matter).
However I sometimes still have nagging doubts if this is all true. Him being a narcissist.
So , maybe you people can put my doubts to the rest, I don't know.
Well here are some facts. He spanked us ( I had two sisters also adopted) very hard on our bare bottoms with a wooden shoe till we couldn't sit anymore because of the hurt. When I had a '8' on my schoolreport he asked me why I didn't have a '9'? He told us he was , and so told my stepmother', 'above the law'. For other people my step family seemed rather nice. When he said I will pay for your university I said, good I want to go do 'psychology' then he forbid that. When I was 12 he said I wasn't able to give love! Once I gave away all my toys I had received from my stepfather and at the moment I didn't know why I did that and felt guilty, know I think it was because I wanted love and care and warmth, I think. So confusing then
When I was around 12 he told me I was adopted but when I asked contact with my real biological mother it was forbidden.
When I wanted to leave the house it was very difficult for me and he made me feel guilty by saying that I had to be gratefull!
well and offcourse on and on it goes.
I left home and years later my stepfather stood for my house, and I didn't know what to say, but when he was gone I wrote a polite letter to him never to come over again, until I have received a letter from him that he want to come over. In my eyes rather reasonable. Well from then on I never heard of him again. Well what do you think people. Is he or is he not a narcissist?
I hope my english is good enough to understand what I wrote.



Kind regard to you all and warm greetings from Holland

Last edited by BigTimeSurvivor; 03-03-2012 at 10:33 AM..
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Old 03-03-2012, 09:53 AM
 
51 posts, read 70,269 times
Reputation: 87
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigTimeSurvivor View Post
I hope my english is good enough to understand what I wrote.



Kind regard to you all and warm greetings from Holland

Your English is incredible (and your writing skills) and much better than that of about 85% of native speakers.
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Old 03-03-2012, 09:57 AM
 
51 posts, read 70,269 times
Reputation: 87
I was adopted into a family that I call "good on paper." I don't think anyone bothered to look past the nice house and the church attendance. My N-adoptive mother was very much like Joan Crawford from "Mommie Dearest." She didn't drink though and wasn't a celebrity. The rages you see in that movie were very similar to how mine would go nuts.

I haven't spoken to anyone in my "family" since 2006. I only wish I had cut them out of my life (and kept them away from my children) a long time before that. But like the good little child of a narcissist, I thought I could work harder and make things better. Just try a little harder, and it will all work out. Just try a little harder and she'll love me. Just try a little harder, and they'll accept me.

It's enough to make you go insane.
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Old 03-03-2012, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Holland
25 posts, read 37,540 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetnessJones View Post
Your English is incredible (and your writing skills) and much better than that of about 85% of native speakers.
Are you for real? you made me nearly cry with this compliment.
I say nearly because I can't cry, I was beaten as a baby when I cried, so I guess there is a blockage there.
But thank you very much! Much appreciated!



Kind regards and warm greetings from Holland.
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Old 03-03-2012, 10:30 AM
 
Location: Holland
25 posts, read 37,540 times
Reputation: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by SweetnessJones View Post
I was adopted into a family that I call "good on paper." I don't think anyone bothered to look past the nice house and the church attendance. My N-adoptive mother was very much like Joan Crawford from "Mommie Dearest." She didn't drink though and wasn't a celebrity. The rages you see in that movie were very similar to how mine would go nuts.

I haven't spoken to anyone in my "family" since 2006. I only wish I had cut them out of my life (and kept them away from my children) a long time before that. But like the good little child of a narcissist, I thought I could work harder and make things better. Just try a little harder, and it will all work out. Just try a little harder and she'll love me. Just try a little harder, and they'll accept me.

It's enough to make you go insane.
oh my, yes I recognize that, and I have seen it working in my significant other when she tried to cope with her narcissistic family,
it's all so sad. And you know, after you have done all those things and you failed be sure that they will tell you, that you failed , that is.

If you don't know about narcissism it's like a big *** saw puzzel that you have to solve but can't and then you start doubting your capabilities.
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Old 03-03-2012, 10:39 AM
 
Location: Purgatory
2,667 posts, read 2,414,626 times
Reputation: 2937
Sad story. It makes you wonder why some people bother to have kids or adopt them as in your case. While they go on living their lived unscathed and often without guilt or remorse, the children often grown up to have major problems, some can be fixed by therapy, while others are too "broken" and are never able to reach their potential, largely thanks to being dealt bad cards from the beginning. In your case, I feel it was most certainly child abuse, not just the physical beating either.

As someone else pointed out, your English is excellent. If only British and American people would try to master a second language!

I hope you are able to find some peace in your life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BigTimeSurvivor View Post
Well hi there all.

I am from Holland, and I certainly can relate with the above.
I was also adopted and then raised by a narcissistic stepfather.
For years I din't know what happened, but I have found (at 53!!!!) that
my stepfather was , I think, a narcissist.
Offcourse I couldn't understand for years, because when you are adopted, the family that will adopt you is screened, yeaaahh, so they must be normal!
And the whole family is trying to pretend to be normal, well they even try to
be the most normal family. What did I know?
Well, let me tell you that when I was in my twenties I went into therapy because there must be something fundamentally wrong with me, or so I thought. And offcourse once I tried suicide, I think I couldn't cope with this anymore and I felt desperate alone.
I have struggled for years, done therapy and what not.
But once upon a day I met my family-in laws. At the moment when we first met it was a bit odd, but well we'll see. After years of trying to cope with them, I kind of discovered they are all narcisissitic and then I started reading about narcissists and lo and behold, I was reading about my step-father and I felt, while reading, I was in very warm bath of understanding.
Now I am rather convinced he was (or is) a narcissist (I stopped all bonds with him, ,and his whole family for that matter).
However I sometimes still have nagging doubts if this is all true. Him being a narcissist.
So , maybe you people can put my doubts to the rest, I don't know.
Well here are some facts. He spanked us ( I had two sisters also adopted) very hard on our bare bottoms with a wooden shoe till we couldn't sit anymore because of the hurt. When I had a '8' on my schoolreport he asked me why I didn't have a '9'? He told us he was , and so told my stepmother', 'above the law'. For other people my step family seemed rather nice. When he said I will pay for your university I said, good I want to go do 'psychology' then he forbid that. When I was 12 he said I wasn't able to give love! Once I gave away all my toys I had received from my stepfather and at the moment I didn't know why I did that and felt guilty, know I think it was because I wanted love and care and warmth, I think. So confusing then
When I was around 12 he told me I was adopted but when I asked contact with my real biological mother it was forbidden.
When I wanted to leave the house it was very difficult for me and he made me feel guilty by saying that I had to be gratefull!
well and offcourse on and on it goes.
I left home and years later my stepfather stood for my house, and I didn't know what to say, but when he was gone I wrote a polite letter to him never to come over again, until I have received a letter from him that he want to come over. In my eyes rather reasonable. Well from then on I never heard of him again. Well what do you think people. Is he or is he not a narcissist?
I hope my english is good enough to understand what I wrote.



Kind regard to you all and warm greetings from Holland
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