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Old 03-07-2012, 07:09 AM
 
Location: Central US
202 posts, read 411,735 times
Reputation: 365

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I have noticed in my own life that it seems when I am overly friendly, people seem to not treat me well. It seems to work in reverse to what I would think. If I am very friendly to people and being extra nice, people take me for granted and are not really nice back to me. I am talking about people that are friends or acquaintances.

It's feels like people think they have me in their pocket so to speak and don't have to be nice to me. Not all people but most people, even relatives.

Have you ever experienced anything like this.?

Seems like the only thing to do is for me to stop being so friendly.
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Old 03-07-2012, 08:26 AM
 
7,099 posts, read 24,489,321 times
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Don't stop being friendly, if that's the way you really feel.

Maybe you are trying too hard and people think that you don't mean it.

It's the "overly friendly" part that might be your problem. Not everyone wants to be that "close" to someone. They like to keep feelings to themselves and not share. I'm one of those....I don't want to be around overly friendly people.
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Old 03-07-2012, 10:07 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,005 posts, read 54,508,374 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Padgett2 View Post
Don't stop being friendly, if that's the way you really feel.

Maybe you are trying too hard and people think that you don't mean it.

It's the "overly friendly" part that might be your problem. Not everyone wants to be that "close" to someone. They like to keep feelings to themselves and not share. I'm one of those....I don't want to be around overly friendly people.

Or that you have an ulterior motive. I know I don't trust people that seem too nice one bit.
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Old 03-07-2012, 01:17 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
2,190 posts, read 5,943,207 times
Reputation: 2049
As i see it, there's a difference between being nice and being kind.
"Nice" people are are often just extremely socialized and their niceness, as someone else suggested, may have ulterior motives, ie; can be somewhat manipulative (which is problematic) and/or is simply a way of being that has to do with not making waves, avoiding conflict, wanting harmony in whatever social setting one is in, etc. (which isn't a bad thing).
But sincere kindness comes from the heart and is unconditional, ie; nothing is expected in return.
No one can be too kind or "overly" kind.
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Old 03-07-2012, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Central US
202 posts, read 411,735 times
Reputation: 365
I am talking about being very friendly and outgoing. I just like to be that way and I myself like that kind of person. No othr motives.
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Old 03-07-2012, 03:04 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, CA
2,190 posts, read 5,943,207 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 1717Guy View Post
I am talking about being very friendly and outgoing. I just like to be that way and I myself like that kind of person. No othr motives.
But that's good.
Be that way / be yourself.
The world needs as many friendly and kind people as possible.
We just can't expect that others will be the same.
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Old 03-07-2012, 03:07 PM
 
3,628 posts, read 9,210,526 times
Reputation: 2013
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1717Guy View Post
I have noticed in my own life that it seems when I am overly friendly, people seem to not treat me well. It seems to work in reverse to what I would think. If I am very friendly to people and being extra nice, people take me for granted and are not really nice back to me. I am talking about people that are friends or acquaintances.

It's feels like people think they have me in their pocket so to speak and don't have to be nice to me. Not all people but most people, even relatives.

Have you ever experienced anything like this.?

Seems like the only thing to do is for me to stop being so friendly.
I know what you mean. It's incredibly frustrating to bend over backwards for people in your life and get nothing in return. It happens to me often because I assume people think I am a pushover because I will be very friendly and helpful.
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Old 03-07-2012, 03:57 PM
 
Location: United States
2,497 posts, read 6,401,578 times
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Nothing I love more than a friendly cashier etc. In return I'm.twice as nice back.
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Old 03-07-2012, 04:06 PM
 
6,034 posts, read 13,126,721 times
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Would you mind giving an example of what you're talking about? I think I know what you mean, but I'm not sure...

I am a happy, friendly person, and people are always telling me that I smile all the time. "How are you always happy?" is something I get a lot of. I've had people tell me, "Stop smiling so much!" as if it's weird to smile a lot or something. Total strangers have also stopped me in public places and told me that I have a beautiful smile - most of the time I wasn't even aware that I was smiling! It's really weird when it happens on days where maybe I actually feel tired or stressed or I'm super busy or maybe I've been sad about something... it's weird because those are usually the days someone makes a comment about how happy I look or my smile. Go figure!

I also have had experiences where I thought I was becoming friends with someone, because I liked them and was open and friendly and nice with them, and I thought they liked me because they behaved the same way towards me (or so I thought)... but later I would find out that I was totally mistaken about that other person. For example, one lady that I worked with at the time was going behind my back and telling everyone how "fake" I was... that I was "too happy" and how nobody could be as happy as I "pretended" to be. She was telling people I was shallow and superficial. It really hurt when I found this out, because I really liked her and really thought we were becoming friends. Plus, I was pregnant at the time and my hormones were all crazy which made me even more sensitive to people saying bad things about me...

Anyway... it does sound weird, but sometimes I think it is a tough world to be a happy, friendly, outgoing person in. You just have to ignore all the downtrodden, negative people I think and just go on being your happy self regardless of what others think.

I differentiate between being a friendly, happy, nice person and being a doormat, though. You can be a friendly person without allowing others to take advantage of you. I think those are two separate issues there.
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Old 03-07-2012, 04:24 PM
 
Location: Central US
202 posts, read 411,735 times
Reputation: 365
[quote=haggardhouseelf;23305803]Would you mind giving an example of what you're talking about? I think I know what you mean, but I'm not sure...

I just go out of my way to say "HI" to people, hug them if I know them, talk about things that I know they are interested in, compliment people, send friends e-mails about whats going on in my life and ask them about their life and so on. I try to listen well.

I believe one of the reasons I am this way is because I used to be very shy. I guess it just feels great to be able to talk to people easily now as I hated so much being shy.

Maybe it's what a friend told me once. "If you stick your heard up above the crowd, they throw tomato's". The more contact you have with other people the more chance you have of being dumped on. Maybe people just don't like outgoing people because they are not outgoing themselves.
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