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Old 04-11-2012, 11:25 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
Reputation: 18436

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She has cut me off. She's hypersensitive and the mere suggestion that there were mental health issues was enough to send her into a shell. Nut case for sure. I'm going to leave it alone. Somewhere down the line, this will all come to a head for her and she may see the writing on the wall. I hope she doesn't commit suicide though. I see this down the road if she doesn't get help.

The more I read about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) though, the more I'm convinced that BPD would be the diagnosis. She tries to use New Age to cope with it, but instead of being on a spiritual journey, she is on an "escape" journey. She's trying to escape the realities of this life. Weird case to say the least.
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Old 04-11-2012, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 455,469 times
Reputation: 385
I haven't read all of this and I'll go back and read it, but it's possible that she's looking for a place to call 'home" spiritually and hasn't found that in her present reality and relies on New Agers, and people outside of her for that security.

She, to me, sounds like a lot of other people in this world, but she's dealing with it in her own way and unfortunately, there's a lot of people out there who are willing to take control and manipulate people who don't have that security in themselves. Some of these people have no idea what they're doing, they just think they're doing what's right when they're really just expressing their zeal and subconscious desire for power.

The cutting is a sign of her own self-destructive tendencies, her own uncertainty in herself. I have nooo idea what to tell you about this situation, but I've met many people and to an extent have been in similar situations myself and unless she's truly willing to assess herself, I'm not sure what to tell you.

I hope all goes well with her, that she wakes up and learns self-reliance.
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Old 04-11-2012, 03:27 PM
 
2,356 posts, read 6,250,719 times
Reputation: 1822
Quote:
Originally Posted by A_Lexus View Post
She has cut me off. She's hypersensitive and the mere suggestion that there were mental health issues was enough to send her into a shell. Nut case for sure. I'm going to leave it alone. Somewhere down the line, this will all come to a head for her and she may see the writing on the wall. I hope she doesn't commit suicide though. I see this down the road if she doesn't get help.

The more I read about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) though, the more I'm convinced that BPD would be the diagnosis. She tries to use New Age to cope with it, but instead of being on a spiritual journey, she is on an "escape" journey. She's trying to escape the realities of this life. Weird case to say the least.
Unfortunately, people who suffer w/ BPD have a much higher rate of suicide than other psychiatric patients.
Borderline Personality Disorder: Mental Illness on Rise? - TIME

They have higher rates of injurious behaviours, (self-mutilization, substance abuse etc.) combined with impulsivity and poor response to treatment.

These folks are in a state of constant distress.
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Old 04-11-2012, 05:19 PM
 
Location: The 719
11,284 posts, read 19,531,184 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseyj View Post
Therapy is hit or miss, dependent on patients motivation and therapists patience.
How about the patient's patience and the therapist's motivation?

To the OP, I wish I was guaranteed 16 years.
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Old 04-11-2012, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Central US
202 posts, read 369,540 times
Reputation: 365
I had a friend that I believe has a border line personality disorder. He does many of the things your friend does. I tried to help him and his wife, who suffers greatly because of him, and I finally had to withdraw from the relationship to protect myself and my family.

This guy idealized me and my life for many years when he lived across the country from me. I only saw him for a week or so at a time several times a year. When he moved close to me it all changed as we found out what he was really like. He turned on my family and I and he started a program of verbal and written attacks. He finally moved again to a town farther away and I stopped all contact with him and his wife.

I would be very careful of this lady you know. These kind of people can turn on a dime and start to attack you. Of course you want to help her if you can. These are very complicated cases.

Just watch out if the lady starts to turn on you. You might have to get out of the relationship to protect yourself. This kind of person can be very vindictive.
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Old 04-11-2012, 07:29 PM
 
2,356 posts, read 6,250,719 times
Reputation: 1822
[quote=McGowdog;23817737]How about the patient's patience and the therapist's motivation?

Good question.

BPD folks usually have little patience (thus the impulsive behaviour) and very little insight. Their cognitive functioning is different, more concrete (black and white) and their coping skills are limited.

The therapists' challenge is to change behaviour/thinking/coping without denying the patients' reality. A long term commitment.

To complicate matters, it is a challenging relationship that most insurances will not pay for due to the longevity (of therapy) necessary for a questionable result.
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Old 04-11-2012, 08:30 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
Reputation: 18436
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinieRN View Post
I haven't read all of this and I'll go back and read it, but it's possible that she's looking for a place to call 'home" spiritually and hasn't found that in her present reality and relies on New Agers, and people outside of her for that security.

She, to me, sounds like a lot of other people in this world, but she's dealing with it in her own way and unfortunately, there's a lot of people out there who are willing to take control and manipulate people who don't have that security in themselves. Some of these people have no idea what they're doing, they just think they're doing what's right when they're really just expressing their zeal and subconscious desire for power.

The cutting is a sign of her own self-destructive tendencies, her own uncertainty in herself. I have nooo idea what to tell you about this situation, but I've met many people and to an extent have been in similar situations myself and unless she's truly willing to assess herself, I'm not sure what to tell you.

I hope all goes well with her, that she wakes up and learns self-reliance.
Thanks for this insight. Self-reliance is one of her greatest concerns. She told me that her biggest fear is not being able to support herself. When she thinks her job is in jeopardy, she self-injures. Of course, this isn't the only reason she does it. Seems as though anytime she's feeling the uncertainly in herself as you point out, she self-injures. She says that the cutting is not a big deal, yet shamefully hides the fact that she does it from those closest to her.

She can't articulate her New Age beliefs very well, seemingly unable to express the thoughts of others. She doesn't appear to have an original thought about any subject. She meditates every Sunday morning where some "enlightened guru" speaks to her while she's in a meditative state. Afterwards, she can't remember a thing. She can't recall what was said or can only recall bits and pieces. her memory seems to be unusually poor. Spiritually, she does rely on others and seems to be strictly a follower in this regard. You're right about her encountering people who are interested in power. Many have taken advantage of her. She's very gullible.

I hope all goes well for her too, but I'm skeptical. She needs professional help.
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Old 04-11-2012, 08:42 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
Reputation: 18436
Quote:
Originally Posted by jerseyj View Post
Unfortunately, people who suffer w/ BPD have a much higher rate of suicide than other psychiatric patients.
Borderline Personality Disorder: Mental Illness on Rise? - TIME

They have higher rates of injurious behaviours, (self-mutilization, substance abuse etc.) combined with impulsivity and poor response to treatment.

These folks are in a state of constant distress.
Very interesting and spot on. She did appear to be in constant distress. Feeling that she only has 16 more years to live, she lives in a panic when she feels that she's not progressing along in her "spiritual path." She wants to have her own retreat somewhere north of San Francisco, yet I found her to be the least compassionate, most detached, uncaring individual I have every known. Even plants die under her care. She can't feel love or give it. Her enormous problems have consumed and ruined every relationship she's attempted to be in.

She can't tolerate being alone, often times falling into a bad mood and having feels of melancholy and despair if she spends too much time by herself. I found the self-mutilization to be most disturbing. As I mentioned in my original message, she has used drugs in the past, and nearly OD'ed a couple years ago. Her impulsivity was also prominent, and she characterized it as being "in the moment" or being "present." Not surprising that treatment with someone with this disorder would be difficult. Suicide doesn't appear out of the question when it comes to her.

Thanks for the link.
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Old 04-11-2012, 08:46 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 455,469 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by A_Lexus View Post
Thanks for this insight. Self-reliance is one of her greatest concerns. She told me that her biggest fear is not being able to support herself. When she thinks her job is in jeopardy, she self-injures. Of course, this isn't the only reason she does it. Seems as though anytime she's feeling the uncertainly in herself as you point out, she self-injures. She says that the cutting is not a big deal, yet shamefully hides the fact that she does it from those closest to her.

She can't articulate her New Age beliefs very well, seemingly unable to express the thoughts of others. She doesn't appear to have an original thought about any subject. She meditates every Sunday morning where some "enlightened guru" speaks to her while she's in a meditative state. Afterwards, she can't remember a thing. She can't recall what was said or can only recall bits and pieces. her memory seems to be unusually poor. Spiritually, she does rely on others and seems to be strictly a follower in this regard. You're right about her encountering people who are interested in power. Many have taken advantage of her. She's very gullible.

I hope all goes well for her too, but I'm skeptical. She needs professional help.
I just read that she cut you off. I'm sure you really wanted to help her but it's not something you can force on her because her focus is on those New Agers, and they won't tell her diddly about getting help or even really standing on her own two feet. Many don't believe in it either and will egg her on because she confirms their view. Not judging them, just speaking from experience.

She probably doesn't remember anything because none of it is her own words, it's spoon fed and she's absorbing it and regurgitating but I really don't know how she can be helped without anyone becoming her new "muse".

Hopefully, you won't take on her burdens as your own.

All the best!
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Old 04-11-2012, 08:51 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
Reputation: 18436
Quote:
Originally Posted by McGowdog View Post
How about the patient's patience and the therapist's motivation?

To the OP, I wish I was guaranteed 16 years.
Yeah, that's really something isn't it? Guaranteed 16 years. Because she thinks she has 16 more years to live, she was often in a panic about how she was spending her time. If the weekend was wet, and she had nothing to do, she struggled to occupy her time and was miserable. She frequently complained that she was running out of time. Incredible her story.

She relies on Numerology also and she got a reading from some spiritual guy. he told her that she was going to live much longer. She didn't want to believe it, preferring instead to cling to the 16 year timeframe. Instability and the 16 year timeframe appear to be what she prefers.
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