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Old 04-12-2012, 02:19 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 455,469 times
Reputation: 385

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Quote:
Originally Posted by A_Lexus View Post
Thanks. If I ever do hear from her again, I will encourage her to read these books if the suggestion that she do so doesn't alienate her further.

This is a great thread and I appreciate all the responses. I was initially puzzled by this woman's behavior and really felt for her. She does seek out spiritual teachers and healers. She consults with a guy who gives her positive feedback through Numerology. She follows Astrology and relies on it to determine compatibility with the men in her life. She embraces New Age and travels to places like Helsinki, Mexico, Egypt, Sedona, and Peru for spiritual retreats. Yet her private psychological and mental problems continue to privately torment her life. She frequently has periods where she feels empty. This usually happens when she spends more time alone than she wants. A couple of weekends where she's alone are enough to throw her into this state of melancholy and despair, where she feels as though she's lost her way. She appears to be a loner, and even though she joined a Singles club in the bay area, even at the events, she must be pursued and drawn out by others because she's very quiet. She said that she does feel misunderstood and she's desperate to feel accepted.

After reading half the Tolle book, I did tell her that I felt she was already "enlightened", but this carried no weight with her because she didn't consider me a spiritual person. She continues to seek this "enlightenment", expecting it to be a distinct event that can only happen after she releases all "attachments." Some spiritual "guru" told her that this had to happen before she could achieve this spiritual level. I agree that she needs to accept herself as she is, but this is difficult for her because she doesn't think highly of herself and can't overcome the trauma of past events in her life. She really was damaged severely at an early age and the tendency towards mental illness doesn't help.

Pain-body was pretty interesting and it probably hit home for you when you read it. When she told me that she didn't understand the part about pain-body, I realized that she was not on a spiritual journey, but one to escape her reality. Selective ignorance caused her to discard that portion of the Tolle book directly applicable to her core problem. What was your reaction to this portion of the book? I thought the portion on ego was interesting and useful. I think the ego has a useful purpose in our lives, but Tolle's view of it was great in terms of helping one's awareness of the various qualities of the ego that be self-defeating. I applaud you for overcoming your earlier difficulties.
When I first got the book, the Pain-body section was the first section I turned to. I've never really been one to run from myself and I have a tendency to be very hard on myself. I was 15, and even though things seemed fine on the outside, I just felt like something inside was wrong and I kept trying to label it so that I could fix it. So when I first read that section, I latched onto it and believed that was my issue but I'd be a liar if I told you if I remembered what exactly was in that chapter or any specific aspect of that book because it took 3 more years of personal searching, life experience, and Divine intervention for me to rise above what was really going on in my head.

She's looking for a spiritual/mystical experience, something which I did have but only because (I believe) I was at a place where I was absolutely certain I had run out of all good and reasonable options at the time to true growth and discovery (self help books, spiritual books, talking to priests, pastors, the spiritually enlightened, prayer, bible reading, following the "manual for good behavior", going to college, trying to aid the world and taking on other's issues, sports and taking good care of my body, etc, etc).

I suggested those books because they seemed to emphasize the value of paying attention to one's daily life and seeing the miracle and mysticism in one's seemingly mundane life as opposed to believing one had to do something...distinctly spiritual or otherworldy in order to grow. At least...that's what I got out of it.
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:22 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinieRN View Post
When I first got the book, the Pain-body section was the first section I turned to. I've never really been one to run from myself and I have a tendency to be very hard on myself. I was 15, and even though things seemed fine on the outside, I just felt like something inside was wrong and I kept trying to label it so that I could fix it. So when I first read that section, I latched onto it and believed that was my issue but I'd be a liar if I told you if I remembered what exactly was in that chapter or any specific aspect of that book because it took 3 more years of personal searching, life experience, and Divine intervention for me to rise above what was really going on in my head.

She's looking for a spiritual/mystical experience, something which I did have but only because (I believe) I was at a place where I was absolutely certain I had run out of all good and reasonable options at the time to true growth and discovery (self help books, spiritual books, talking to priests, pastors, the spiritually enlightened, prayer, bible reading, following the "manual for good behavior", going to college, trying to aid the world and taking on other's issues, sports and taking good care of my body, etc, etc).

I suggested those books because they seemed to emphasize the value of paying attention to one's daily life and seeing the miracle and mysticism in one's seemingly mundane life as opposed to believing one had to do something...distinctly spiritual or otherworldy in order to grow. At least...that's what I got out of it.
She is looking for a spiritual/mystical experience, expecting to wake up one morning to see that her senses are heightened and everything looks brighter because of an elevated sense awareness and enlightenment. This year in December, there is supposed to be some "heightened spiritual shift", so she's looking forward to that. She will get together with her spiritual friends in maybe Sedona or Mexico and continue to avoid addressing her personal issues.

Boy you really sound like you've been there. I'd like to hear more about your spiritual experience and how it came about. Send me a private message with the full story. I'd love to read about it.

I appreciate the books you suggested and if I talk to her again, I will mention them, maybe even buy them for her, and suggest that she read them. I'll probably read them myself because they sound like great reads. You are so right about paying attention to one's daily life and growing in this manner. This is how I have always lived and it certainly has worked for me.
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Old 04-12-2012, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Love, Epicenter
399 posts, read 455,469 times
Reputation: 385
Quote:
Originally Posted by A_Lexus View Post
She is looking for a spiritual/mystical experience, expecting to wake up one morning to see that her senses are heightened and everything looks brighter because of an elevated sense awareness and enlightenment. This year in December, there is supposed to be some "heightened spiritual shift", so she's looking forward to that. She will get together with her spiritual friends in maybe Sedona or Mexico and continue to avoid addressing her personal issues.

Boy you really sound like you've been there. I'd like to hear more about your spiritual experience and how it came about. Send me a private message with the full story. I'd love to read about it.

I appreciate the books you suggested and if I talk to her again, I will mention them, maybe even buy them for her, and suggest that she read them. I'll probably read them myself because they sound like great reads. You are so right about paying attention to one's daily life and growing in this manner. This is how I have always lived and it certainly has worked for me.
Sure I'll do that.

Yes, since you know her personally (better than I do), maybe you ought to read the books first. The characters in both books had spiritual experiences, but I chose those books because they were so natural that you could easily miss it and they learned that all that they needed was inside of them or from their origins.
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Old 04-19-2012, 05:50 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
Reputation: 18436
Quote:
Originally Posted by PrinieRN View Post
Sure I'll do that.

Yes, since you know her personally (better than I do), maybe you ought to read the books first. The characters in both books had spiritual experiences, but I chose those books because they were so natural that you could easily miss it and they learned that all that they needed was inside of them or from their origins.
I'll read them if time permits. They sound like good reads. I frankly don't expect to speak to the woman anymore. Her problems continue undiagnosed and untreated. Time will tell whether or not she commits suicide or seeks professional help.
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:58 AM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
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Default Update - Law of Attraction

I had stopped communicating with this woman for about three months, then sent her a message. She was cordial, but guarded. I had forgotten that I have to be extremely careful what I say, so as not to offend her. After doing more research, I'm pretty certain now that she is Borderline, so I have to thank this forum for identifying that disorder.

As a Borderline, the slightest perceived insult or criticism, sends her into a fit of rage. She mentioned about the failure of her most recent relationship and that she didn't know why the guy walked away. I asked her if the guy felt that she was detached an uninterested in him. This was all it took to send her on a rant. I sent her an email message telling her that she likely has been struggling with BPD (possibly a mistake to do), and no doubt she is now having convulsions, and probably vowed never to speak to me again. She appears worse off than three months ago, as I expected.

She had mentioned that she wants to find a "soulmate" and said that she took an online coure in "Law of Attraction." She said that "I want to manifest someone in my life." She's supposed to do some kind of ceremony today to start this process. I wished her luck. While her Borderline disorder rages on, she intends to now act happy and think positive thoughts in hopes that this soulmate magically appears.

While she's doing this, her issues with cutting, thinking she only has 16 more years to live, her chronic feelings of emptiness and suicidal thoughts, her extreme moodiness and inability to come outside of herself to show interest in others, her inability to feel love or give it, her lack of compassion or empathy, and her struggles with sexual trauma, continue. I continue to be in awe at some of the problems people like this have to deal with.

Her worsening condition is in jeopardy even more now because her mother is very sick and could possibly not survive. It's quite sad and tragic, but this might be enough to send her over the edge, where the next time she contemplates suicide, she just might go through with it. Sad story. I was not able to help.
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Old 07-03-2012, 05:11 PM
 
43,283 posts, read 42,833,931 times
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This was such an interesting thread. Thank you for sharing. Although your acquaintance's situation sounds hopeless and sad, I personally am impressed with your way of compassion and caring about this woman long enough and deeply enough that you researched and observed her as much as you did. I do not think I would have been so tolerant.
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Old 07-03-2012, 06:16 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
Reputation: 18436
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
This was such an interesting thread. Thank you for sharing. Although your acquaintance's situation sounds hopeless and sad, I personally am impressed with your way of compassion and caring about this woman long enough and deeply enough that you researched and observed her as much as you did. I do not think I would have been so tolerant.
It is pretty interesting and thanks. Some good advice I got here that helped guide me. I find myself very interested in this topic. She happens to be a friend of a client, and at first I thought she wanted to talk about some legal problem. As I got to know her though, I discovered what I have written about here. I befriended her and even introduced her to my family. I think my client referred her to me for just this reason, because she knew that I'd gain her trust and find out what was going on with her. I think I've done that and gained more respect from my client. This of course adds to my reputation which helps me. So there's a method to my madness.
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:15 PM
 
Location: Cartersville, GA
1,225 posts, read 2,565,388 times
Reputation: 1028
She does meet many of the criteria for BPD, though this diagnosis can only be made by a therapist or psychiatrist who has met her, in person (and probably only after a few sessions.) There is no shortage of therapists who have new age approaches to therapy, especially among Clinical Social Workers. I think she could likely find one who can see eye-to-eye with many of her spiritualistic views.
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Old 07-03-2012, 10:39 PM
 
Location: SF Bay Area
14,331 posts, read 17,765,907 times
Reputation: 18436
Quote:
Originally Posted by ToucheGA View Post
She does meet many of the criteria for BPD, though this diagnosis can only be made by a therapist or psychiatrist who has met her, in person (and probably only after a few sessions.) There is no shortage of therapists who have new age approaches to therapy, especially among Clinical Social Workers. I think she could likely find one who can see eye-to-eye with many of her spiritualistic views.
I agree. I'm not a therapist or psychiatrist. The mere mention that she could possibly have this disorder was enough to send her running away from me. Maybe someone professionally trained in this area might not have approached her about it in the manner that I did. She internalized it in extreme terms, and now has completely shut me out again. I doubt that she would even be receptive to seeing a therapist, unless she did so in secret. I agree that there are plenty who share her spiritual views, especially around Berkeley.

I've decided not to contact her again, since I'm not trained in this area and don't have the time anymore. Further contact would appear to do more harm than good after I mentioned the BPD.
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