What makes you feel loved? Unloved? Rejected? "Stepped-on" etc.? (memory, problems) - Mental well-being and mental disorders - City-Data Forum

CArizona · 03-20-2012, 03:20 PM

What makes you feel loved? Unloved? Rejected? "Stepped-on" etc.?...I feel "cared-about" when friends and family members remember at least some of the things that I tell them...And I try to "store" what they tell me in my "memory bank" too...I don't feel "cared-about" when people only call or visit or write to me when they need something...When they want a ride or want to borrow something or want to "bend my ear" with non-stop talk about themselves. How about you?

lubby · 03-20-2012, 03:44 PM

We had friends like this that only called when they wanted something. My husband sells auto parts and has connections for repair shops, where to buy tires ect...her husband would only call to see if he could get smething for nothing or a favor. Finally mybhusband got so fed up so when his friend called I said "what do you need?" He was tongue tied and did not know what to say. Then he said " oh nothing just want to see how Mike's doing" I said he wasn't home even though he was. He has never called us again and it's been 5 years. I feel cared about when friends and family say they will be there for you no matter what and they are.

CArizona · 03-20-2012, 05:18 PM

lubby...Good for you for putting your friend's husband in "his place!" Thanks for posting...I don't like it when people keep me waiting and waiting and don't call to say they will be late. Or even apologize for being late! I've "cut" these type of people "out" of my life. It's just too stressful to have to wait for them and inconsiderate on their part.

pappollo · 03-20-2012, 05:28 PM

I uderstand. You know the saying "You find out who your friends are?" I found out quick last year when I lost my job. It was like getting leprocy. My "friends" call every blue moon to see "whats up" and forget about having an ear to bend yourself. I have been told so many times what big shoulders I have and what a great listener I am...now about the only thing I listen to is their voicemails saying they're not available right now please leave a message!

CArizona · 03-20-2012, 06:00 PM

pappollo...Sorry you lost your job. Sorry about your "fair-weather" friends...I think a friendship requires a certain amount of "effort." Some people claim to be a friend but don't really know how to be a "good friend."....How do you feel about it? Thanks for your post!

ybflady13 · 03-20-2012, 08:58 PM

I feel cared for when people invite me on outings, ask me for my opinion and when they like can't leave my side..like they want my company. I feel rejected when I'll say something and the other person will change the subject or completely ignore me. I feel lonely when no one calls and wants to hang out with me which is unfortunately very reoccurring because I don't really have that many friends. So sad..

1717Guy · 03-21-2012, 02:05 PM

Hi Carazona,

The problem I have is that all my friends but one do the things you are taking about. Or should I say they don't do much at all. No matter how hard I try to be a great friend I just get almost nothing in return and for me thats like getting dumped on. Plus most of my friends have the capacity to listen and want to help of a rock. A small one.

One person on line recently said that most people are A ____'s and I am starting to believe it. Another said "The more I learn about people the more I like dogs". I hate to but I am starting to think like they do.

The best advise I could give, and to myself, is to have no expectations whatsoever in any kind of relationship with a human. Expect zero and you will not be disappointed. If something good comes from a relationship it will be a nice surprise.

jasper12 · 03-21-2012, 05:23 PM

This week I felt sort of mad at my BF, he had asked me for a ride to work this week, which I agreed to do, then, he tells me someone else was going to drive him. What is with that? I felt like he just felt like I was undependable, or he did not want to be with me. I talked to him about my confusion, he told me he just did not want to "bother" me. I don't know. Lame? Valid?

My kids call me a lot, just to check in, tell me what is going on. I guess I was not such a rotten Mom after all. I have a great family.

todd00 · 03-21-2012, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 1717Guy

One person on line recently said that most people are A ____'s and I am starting to believe it. Another said "The more I learn about people the more I like dogs".

They are both right.

Some are lucky that have caring family and friends, the kind that are always there for each other and rally around the one having problems. That kind seems few and far between these days. People are increasingly self centered and full of me-ness. Remember the old saying, if you have one good friend in life, consider yourself lucky. Dogs are good listeners, very loving and loyal with no masks or agendas, but not great conversationalists.

1717Guy · 03-21-2012, 08:16 PM

The way people treat their "friends" I am surprised that most people have any friends at all. I believe what most people call friends are really only acquaintances. Most of the men I know don't have any friends. at all. They have lots of acquaintances that have common interests like sports or hobbies but no one that they could ask advise about a problem. I have even read a book called "Why Men Don't Have Friends". It said that the only friends men usually have were developed in high school. It's very sad. If I were to want to call a "friend" right now to talk about a family problem there are none that I can think of that would want to take the time to even listen.