Instead of "oh, well cheer up!" what to respond? (vitamins, cancer)

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

Well then, I guess you have nothing to contribute to the topic. Just to reiterate -

I am asking people who are depressed, who -do- tell people they do, or maybe even don't know, what kinds of responses would be helpful, from the people they are telling.

Whether friends, family, or strangers at the bus stop (since I've encountered all at one point or another).

Since you tell people (here on the forum) about your issues, what responses do you find the most useful, from people who you tell (such as people like me, who you DO tell, every time you post about it on this forum)?

I guess a simple "that must be tough to deal with" suffices.

Honestly, I've learned that IRL people do not want to be around depressed people. I hide my depression well and you'd never know I deal with it. What this means is I isolate a lot. It's a lot of work to put on an act for the benefit of others.

My ex MIL told me that it was my depression that led to my divorce. Funny I had to hear it from her.

[PippySkiddles]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

I guess a simple "that must be tough to deal with" suffices.

Honestly, I've learned that IRL people do not want to be around depressed people. I hide my depression well and you'd never know I deal with it. What this means is I isolate a lot. It's a lot of work to put on an act for the benefit of others.

My ex MIL told me that it was my depression that led to my divorce. Funny I had to hear it from her.

You got that right. We learn to just "put on a happy face" or stay home.
I hope I never get to a point in my life that I can't have empathy and compassion toward another regardless of their issue/illness/problem

[MsAnnThrope]

I think you are getting "depression" and "self centred attention grabber" mixed up.

I've had depression for years and no one knows because I don't tell them.

I wouldn't worry too much about how to deal with anyone who tells you they've got depression...we are just normal people! Just imagine they've told you they're from Swaziland - act mildly interested then change the subject. It's no big deal these days and most people will experience it sooner or later, to some degree or other.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by PippySkiddles

You got that right. We learn to just "put on a happy face" or stay home.
I hope I never get to a point in my life that I can't have empathy and compassion toward another regardless of their issue/illness/problem

Me too, PippySkiddles. I hope I can always maintain the insight I have into the things others deal with, even if it's foreign to me.

Needless to say, you are right. I am tired of putting on a happy face when things are not happy. I prefer to stay in at this point. It's been a rough few years situationally. Combine this with endogenous (as they used to call it) depression and it's just wiped me out. I am good if I get the rest I need and keep the plants alive and my pets in good order. Of course, the pets always come first - even before me. They need me and I guess that is what gets me up and continuing to do. They are my family and my responsibility and I love them.

[MsAnnThrope]

People who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope

People who mind don't matter, and people who matter don't mind.

My ex mattered and he minded.

[MsAnnThrope]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

My ex mattered and he minded.

Precisely. He no longer matters because he minded.

Exes do not matter, in my world.

[ino]

Originally Posted by todd00

I found the above part of your post most offensive. You act as though people suffering with deep depression are complete morons unable to communicate their feelings and needs to those around them. And as someone that has had self harm issues before, I found your references to cutting very distasteful and certainly unnecessary to the post. While you may claim to have some sympathy toward those with depressive problems, it appears from your posts you have none at all and really are just tired of them "flocking" to you.

What to say, what not to say? This isn't brain surgery, treat friends like you would like to be treated. You don't have to be on fire to imagine pain. There are many threads and posts on what to say to someone with depression, use the search feature here and you will find hours worth of reading. Google most certainly has many pages on the subject as well if that isn't enough.

If you don't want people with depressive problems as friends just act curt and non-caring and they will get the hint and run from you. No one wants to talk and have no one listen to what they say, no matter what the subject happens to be. I see people that don't get it as having far more problems than I have.

Did YOU mention 'moron'?

This IS brain surgery, I live with someone who has 'issues', and I can categorically state it IS brain surgery trying to figure out how to help in some way.

Appears to me that you have TOTALLY missed the point in the OP's post, either that or you simply haven't a clue!

[MsAnnThrope]

The reason why I don't tell people I have depression is

1. it's none of their business
2. they almost ALWAYS come out with a horror story re. antidepressants or
3. they start telling me their depression stories which I'm really not interested in
4. if they don't know, they can't JUDGE

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by ino

Did YOU mention 'moron'?

This IS brain surgery, I live with someone who has 'issues', and I can categorically state it IS brain surgery trying to figure out how to help in some way.

Appears to me that you have TOTALLY missed the point in the OP's post, either that or you simply haven't a clue!

He has not missed any point. To you it's brain surgery. To those of us who deal with it it's actually quite simple to know how to help.