Instead of "oh, well cheer up!" what to respond? (alcoholism, trigger)

[imcurious]

I would try to empathize and say something like, "I am sorry you are suffering. I have been lucky in that depression has never been an issue for me so I don't really have any advice because it is totally out of my realm of expertise."

Then turn on your heel, and run like the wind.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by imcurious

I would try to empathize and say something like, "I am sorry you are suffering. I have been lucky in that depression has never been an issue for me so I don't really have any advice because it is totally out of my realm of expertise."

Then turn on your heel, and run like the wind.

How about "gee, I'd really hate to steer you wrong here so I don't know what to say other than I hope things get better soon."

Then how about turning the conversation to something in the immediate area? Something like "do you have any plans coming up for the summer?" or "hey, I am going to do such and such this summer."

Then maybe it's a bit more appropriate to say "hey, I gotta run. I'll talk with you later."

Ok, these are just some thoughts. But I'd really like to hear what kind of venting is going on first.

[looking4answers12]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

What an interesting post, because I don't worry about death. I worry about never having lived.

What if you HAVE NO interests? What if you could not care less about supper, a workout, chocolate cake, a lotto ticket? What if none of that matters enough to you to even get out of bed? The last time I watched TV was last fall. Recently I got TV. I am not even interested in watching it so I have not. I must have 200 cookbooks yet I won't eat anything unless it takes 5 minutes or less to make. I'm doing well just to keep the plants alive, keep my pets fed and tend to their needs, and take a shower once in awhile.

Please don't take this the wrong way. I am not out to minimize your pain. But I tend to find the humor in things. I think sometimes it's a good coping mechanism for me in bad times, and it good times it's just nice to have some fun. So please keep this in mind when I ask this question.

You couldn't care less about chocolate cake???

[AnonChick]

Originally Posted by mistygrl092

When you say vent, could you give some examples please?

Okay like today, for example. Just an ordinary day, as I said I'm in retail, I'm a cashier. The store isn't very busy, no line at checkout. Customer comes up with a few items, I ask if they have the store's points card so I can put it in for them. This isn't the actual dialogue, but it went -something- like this:

Customer: "I lost my card. Just like everything else I lose. But what's the point of the card anyway?"
Me: You get cash back in coupons online when you buy x, y, z.
C: Oh well they shut off my phone cause I've been out of work for two months and couldn't pay the bill."

(Me, thinking to myself, but not saying it: If C didn't spend so much money on all this unneccessary stuff in the store, he could probably afford his phone bill)

Me (out loud, to the customer): Ah, sorry to hear that. So, did you want me to look up that card for you? I just need your e-mail address and zip, you can have the coupons mailed to your regular mail if you want.

C: No, why bother. I'll just end up getting kicked out of my apartment anyway.

Me: Uh..okay. (while I ring up the items) So, that'll be $27.53.

C: You know, if you people didn't charge so much for all this stuff, I wouldn't be suffering so much. And maybe I could afford all these antidepressants they make me take. Did you know I was hospitalized THREE times in the past two months because they keep messing up my doses at the pharmacy?

Me: Uh - sorry to hear that. Your receipt's in the bag sir. And hey, if you answer the survey when you get your phone back, you might win $1000!

C: I never win anything. I bought 50 lotto tickets in the past three months and didn't win a single thing. I swear it's like they scam me left and right, I hate those people.

Me: Uh - wow, sorry to hear that. Well uh (at this point, telling them to have a nice day would be - pointless) Hope things turn out okay for you, good luck and we'll see you again soon!

C: (he lingers at the edge of the counter, and continues complaining about how horrible his life is, even while I start getting more customers and have now had to physically turn my back to him to take care of the new ones in line).

That's ONE example, of ONE stranger, who basically held me captive (since I couldn't leave, I get paid to be there, heh), to tell me about everything wrong and how he's so depressed and life sucks.

I get at least one of those every week, sometimes more. And those are just strangers.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by looking4answers12

Please don't take this the wrong way. I am not out to minimize your pain. But I tend to find the humor in things. I think sometimes it's a good coping mechanism for me in bad times, and it good times it's just nice to have some fun. So please keep this in mind when I ask this question.

You couldn't care less about chocolate cake???

LOL! I bought four pieces of cake only because they were pretty and on sale for $5. The white piece and the carrot cake are still in the freezer. I did eat the chocolate and german chocolate pieces in small pieces.

But had it not been for the pieces being pretty and on sale, I never would have cared about the cake.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

Okay like today, for example. Just an ordinary day, as I said I'm in retail, I'm a cashier. The store isn't very busy, no line at checkout. Customer comes up with a few items, I ask if they have the store's points card so I can put it in for them. This isn't the actual dialogue, but it went -something- like this:

Customer: "I lost my card. Just like everything else I lose. But what's the point of the card anyway?"
Me: You get cash back in coupons online when you buy x, y, z.
C: Oh well they shut off my phone cause I've been out of work for two months and couldn't pay the bill."

(Me, thinking to myself, but not saying it: If C didn't spend so much money on all this unneccessary stuff in the store, he could probably afford his phone bill)

Me (out loud, to the customer): Ah, sorry to hear that. So, did you want me to look up that card for you? I just need your e-mail address and zip, you can have the coupons mailed to your regular mail if you want.

C: No, why bother. I'll just end up getting kicked out of my apartment anyway.

Me: Uh..okay. (while I ring up the items) So, that'll be $27.53.

C: You know, if you people didn't charge so much for all this stuff, I wouldn't be suffering so much. And maybe I could afford all these antidepressants they make me take. Did you know I was hospitalized THREE times in the past two months because they keep messing up my doses at the pharmacy?

Me: Uh - sorry to hear that. Your receipt's in the bag sir. And hey, if you answer the survey when you get your phone back, you might win $1000!

C: I never win anything. I bought 50 lotto tickets in the past three months and didn't win a single thing. I swear it's like they scam me left and right, I hate those people.

Me: Uh - wow, sorry to hear that. Well uh (at this point, telling them to have a nice day would be - pointless) Hope things turn out okay for you, good luck and we'll see you again soon!

C: (he lingers at the edge of the counter, and continues complaining about how horrible his life is, even while I start getting more customers and have now had to physically turn my back to him to take care of the new ones in line).

That's ONE example, of ONE stranger, who basically held me captive (since I couldn't leave, I get paid to be there, heh), to tell me about everything wrong and how he's so depressed and life sucks.

I get at least one of those every week, sometimes more. And those are just strangers.

Wow, if that is really the way these conversations go, I see your point.

I guess if you're on the job, I'd try saying nothing in response. That should shorten the conversation and send them on their way.

I know you have to be nice, but sometimes silence is golden - especially at work.

You are under no obligation to respond to these statements. You really should try just not saying anything.

Now, having said this, it might be different with acquaintances or friends and family. I'm going to bold everything I think that should not be said.

Do I seem heartless? I'm not. It's just that by saying what I bolded you are, in a sense, inviting him or her to continue telling you their story.

[imcurious]

I didn't realize you were a checker. I would get some special good vibe spray and spray them, liberally.

I have wondered what clerks hear because they always have to act so cheerful and you might not be feeling great, so it is a set-up for phoniness, if nothing else . . .

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by imcurious

I didn't realize you were a checker. I would get some special good vibe spray and spray them, liberally.

I have wondered what clerks hear because they always have to act so cheerful and you might not be feeling great, so it is a set-up for phoniness, if nothing else . . .

Even still, things can be horrendous in my life and when asked I'll say "oh, fine." At the most I'll say "I've had better."

No one should be held hostage by these types. I understand they need a shoulder to cry on. Perhaps a crisis number handy would be appropriate to slip in the bag. J/K. But seriously, someone on the job is there to do a job - not take on the role of therapist.

[AnonChick]

Originally Posted by imcurious

I didn't realize you were a checker. I would get some special good vibe spray and spray them, liberally.

I have wondered what clerks hear because they always have to act so cheerful and you might not be feeling great, so it is a set-up for phoniness, if nothing else . . .

We don't all have to act cheerful. We have moods, and express them, same as everyone. We just have to be polite to all the customers, even if we're in grouchy moods. I'm usually cheerful at work but my regulars can usually tell when I'm annoyed, or in pain. I'm a pretty perky person when I'm working, most of the time. I sing and dance, and joke with the customers when it's not overwhelmingly busy. Work is my #1 source of human interaction so I try to take pleasure in it.

[mistygrl092]

Originally Posted by AnonChick

We don't all have to act cheerful. We have moods, and express them, same as everyone. We just have to be polite to all the customers, even if we're in grouchy moods. I'm usually cheerful at work but my regulars can usually tell when I'm annoyed, or in pain. I'm a pretty perky person when I'm working, most of the time. I sing and dance, and joke with the customers when it's not overwhelmingly busy. Work is my #1 source of human interaction so I try to take pleasure in it.

AnonChick, all of a sudden I am getting the impression that you are one out of MANY on the receiving end of this, so I would not take it personally at all. I think any captive audience is fair game.