U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Halloween!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
 
Old 05-20-2012, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Islip,NY
11,198 posts, read 7,799,213 times
Reputation: 8916
My mom is in contact with her sister who lives in Florida via phone and facebook but her grown children who have families of their own never call my mom or the rest of our family to see how we are doing. They never even sent a sympathy card or came to my dad's funeral when he died in 2004. It is what it is. I don't care anymore because I know who cares about us and who doesn't. It seems these days everyone is out for themselves. My oldest cousin down there is 48 I am 41 and I have not seen her or spoken to her since 2000 which was the last time I was in Florida. My uncle died in 2008 and 2 years before that we broke off contact with his ex wife and kids because she mistreated him and left him after he had his 2nd leg amputated from diabetes. My cousin is 19 now and her brother I believe is 10. They live 20 minutes from us but since my uncle has died we felt it was better to break off contact because my Ex Aunt was so horrible to my mom. Sometimes in life you have do what's best for you even if it means breaking off contact with friend's or family.
Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-22-2012, 05:02 PM
 
Location: SC Foothills
8,830 posts, read 6,150,804 times
Reputation: 58115
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
FOO = Family of Origin

I guess I have completely cut one of my siblings out of my life, while another has completely cut me out of his life, and the last remaining sibling is a rather tenuous situation.

At any rate, I read all the time about people who have gone no contact with their mothers, fathers, maybe siblings, and just wondering what your experience has been, if any.

Also, if you've done this, has it made your life better or do you regret it?
Sorry to hear that, but sometimes we have to do what is best for US and cut all ties. I had to remove my father from my life after many many years of emotional, physical and psychological abuse. He's severely mentally ill, I realize that now, and has never sought help because he is in complete denial about it. I haven't seen or spoken to him in 11 years, except for his occasional "guilt" letters. He accuses me of hating him and is completely clueless as to why I cut him off, after I have told him time and again I don't hate him and the reasons for cutting him off. He says in a roundabout way that I'm going to hell for hating him (I don't and have told him so in letters).....he's a religious fanatic schizo who makes everyone around him miserable. It's been very difficult but has gotten easier over the years and I know I did the right thing for ME.

I also haven't spoken to my brother for 7 years. It's because of something that happened within the family and he and his family cannot forgive. I've done everything I can to fix it to no avail. It's all on them now, I'm done. Both situations have caused an extreme amount of heartache and pain and I can't help but get down about it sometimes but the upside is I have a wonderful Mother and Son, a half-sister and extended family and friends that make up for it.

Someone else who posted in this thread said it correctly, your family you can't choose, but when they are toxic and hazardous to your well-being then you have to remove them. It does get easier, especially when you don't harbor any anger or resentment and realize it's the best thing for you. Put all your energy and focus on the good people in your life and you'll be fine.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 05:13 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,290 posts, read 4,965,802 times
Reputation: 8956
Did you ever think you may have incarnated into this family to learn lessons? Lots of people are dysfunctional but the people who cut you out of their lives could also be seen as selfish and heartless . . .not saying that is the case for those of you who have posted, but from the other person's perspective, maybe YOU have caused a lot of hurt in your refusal to forgive or inability to ignore what you don't like and make the best of what you do like.

I personally know many alcoholics who cut people out of their lives . . .I doubt in their cases that it is "healthy." It's just more convenient.

I also know some people who are avoidant personality types - who either have intimacy issues or cannot "sit in the fire" to work something out - it takes too much energy for them and they are incapable (seemingly) . . .

Some people scapegoat others - make them the "bad person." In psychology it is referred to as "the designated patient." Then they don't have to look at themselves.

All of you who have cut others out of your lives . . .are you perfect specimens of human beings? Would you be devastated if someone you loved cut you out of your life? Or do you think that only happens to "mean, bad, toxic" people?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Deane Hill, Knoxville, Tennessee
21,637 posts, read 31,051,084 times
Reputation: 11703
I was abused as a child and it took me years to admit this, talk about it and come to terms with it. Once I did, I limited contact with my father and learned to hold my ground with my mother. It's the smartest thing I ever did. But it took years to get to this point. For about 47 years I suffered in silence. It's funny because when I finally stood up to my father he really limited the contact on his own to a great degree. It's funny how abusers need a victim and if they no longer get the satisfaction they move on.

Once I finally realized that I was not to blame and no longer would allow the abuse my entire life changed. I stopped the verbal and emotional abuse by my husband and he eventually left. I held out and went after a great job and I got it. Previously, I would have never done that. I would have settled. By loving myself and not allowing toxic people in my life I blossomed. It also allows me to be a better parent to my children.

I firmly believe that as adults we often allow ourselves to be victims and the only way to stop that is to no longer interact with our abusers. Being related does not allow anyone to abuse you and you owe no one anything but your own children. Period.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 06:19 PM
 
Location: FL
1,727 posts, read 998,504 times
Reputation: 972
Well, since my last post, it seems that my sister may be in the processing of divorcing me. -_-
Apparently, since I've made the decions to stop kissing her butt, she perceives me to be "mean" and all sorts of other nice things.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-22-2012, 06:38 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,290 posts, read 4,965,802 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by looking4answers12 View Post
Well, since my last post, it seems that my sister may be in the processing of divorcing me. -_-
Apparently, since I've made the decions to stop kissing her butt, she perceives me to be "mean" and all sorts of other nice things.
Are you mean?
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2012, 05:47 AM
 
Location: Deane Hill, Knoxville, Tennessee
21,637 posts, read 31,051,084 times
Reputation: 11703
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
Did you ever think you may have incarnated into this family to learn lessons? Lots of people are dysfunctional but the people who cut you out of their lives could also be seen as selfish and heartless . . .not saying that is the case for those of you who have posted, but from the other person's perspective, maybe YOU have caused a lot of hurt in your refusal to forgive or inability to ignore what you don't like and make the best of what you do like.

I personally know many alcoholics who cut people out of their lives . . .I doubt in their cases that it is "healthy." It's just more convenient.

I also know some people who are avoidant personality types - who either have intimacy issues or cannot "sit in the fire" to work something out - it takes too much energy for them and they are incapable (seemingly) . . .

Some people scapegoat others - make them the "bad person." In psychology it is referred to as "the designated patient." Then they don't have to look at themselves.

All of you who have cut others out of your lives . . .are you perfect specimens of human beings? Would you be devastated if someone you loved cut you out of your life? Or do you think that only happens to "mean, bad, toxic" people?
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
Are you mean?
Scores of books out there as well as advice from psychologists that say that keeping toxic people at arms length, limited contact with rules or totally staying away from them is very healthy. Just because someone is related to you, it doesn't give them license to bully or abuse you. There are psychotic people in this world, sadists, narcissists, sociopaths. They all have family; parents, children, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. No one should have to put up with these people.

Have you been cutout of some folks lives due to bad behavior? Are you mean?

I'm curious.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2012, 07:25 AM
 
Location: Virginia
142 posts, read 157,469 times
Reputation: 323
BEST thing I have ever done. NO regrets. Life is finally GOOD!
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-23-2012, 10:04 AM
 
Location: earth?
7,290 posts, read 4,965,802 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by hiknapster View Post
Scores of books out there as well as advice from psychologists that say that keeping toxic people at arms length, limited contact with rules or totally staying away from them is very healthy. Just because someone is related to you, it doesn't give them license to bully or abuse you. There are psychotic people in this world, sadists, narcissists, sociopaths. They all have family; parents, children, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. No one should have to put up with these people.

Have you been cutout of some folks lives due to bad behavior? Are you mean?

I'm curious.


No, I am not mean. I am very soft-hearted.

I said that I know a lot of alcoholics and other unhealthy people who have cut people out of their lives. The point I was making is that it is not always healthy motivation that causes people to want to cut people out of their lives.
Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-26-2012, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Huntington, WV
67 posts, read 48,576 times
Reputation: 81
I finally divorced my parents and my sister after several years of verbal and mental abuse. I could do nothing right even if I tried, yet my sister could do no wrong. It's not like we're children. I have always been the one that hung around the area with the exception of a short stint in another state. My sister couldn't get away quick enough after college. She recently moved back to the area after 21 years, and it's gotten so much worse! For me, today was the breaking point. No more putting up with toxic people.
.
Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


 
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:
Over $84,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness > Mental Health
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top