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Old 06-30-2012, 01:24 PM
 
79 posts, read 69,469 times
Reputation: 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
I can't understand why you can't just disagree and be polite about it - that would be maturity. Listen to her - say, "Thank you, Mom - I love you" - then do what you want.

Your REACTION is under your control . . . she is pushing your buttons and you are reacting like a puppet.

This is really romantic.
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Old 06-30-2012, 01:43 PM
 
9,086 posts, read 4,759,710 times
Reputation: 6592
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ohiogirl81 View Post
All moms can be annoying. It's part of the job description. If you become a parent, you'll become annoying, too.

When she makes plans for you, you have two choices: Go along with her, or tell her no. Sometimes it's best to do the former, sometimes the latter. It's all a part of being a part of a family, where compromise might be the order of the day.

ROFL ... Ohiogirl are you a mom?

You are so right ... it's part of the job description. My youngest is 35 years old and lives 700 miles away.

We have our RV parked at his home and I mailed him the license tag renewal a few weeks ago and explained to him ... put this tag on the RV and the registration card inside the RV .... he called and asked "Mom, why do you tell me every year to put the tag on and registration card inside the RV???" I told him ... "I am your mother and it's my job."

All three of my children and my one grandchild just listen to me and then do what they want to do ... of course I get lots of big hugs and kisses.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:28 PM
 
26,816 posts, read 19,713,993 times
Reputation: 24055
Quote:
Originally Posted by stan4 View Post
Maturity is realizing that it's not other people but your reaction to them that really creates the problem.

You're not going to change her. She's been around for decades and she is who she is. What you can change is YOUR perceptions, reactions, and how you internally deal with it.

Venting can be therapeutic, but it can also fan the flames of negative emotions.
The line I bolded is the key to handling many of life's problems.

Read this book. You are not alone, not by a long shot. Some of it is sad, some is horrifying, some is humorous. When I was reading it and had it on my desk at work, EVERYONE who walked by picked it up and said, "Oh, I should read this." Those people were black, white, Asian Indian, gay, straight, old and young. It's a universal problem.

Amazon.com: How to Manage Your Mother: Understanding the Most Difficult, Complicated, and Fascinating Relationship in Your Life (9780060988333): Alyce Faye Cleese, Brian Bates: Books

Some moms are more controlling than others. I have a friend in her thirties who told me the other day that her mother told her that on Sunday she was having the family over so to bring XYZ. My friend said, "Sorry, mom, but <her husband> and I have other plans." Her mother said, "What could you possibly be doing that you can't come to the family barbecue?" She just had to be firm and not let her mother guilt her. You have to learn to do that, too.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:34 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,579 posts, read 4,482,506 times
Reputation: 8947
Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
This is really romantic.
You have a sense of humor. What I know about daughters as compared to sons is...most fathers have a son and think it is some sort of duplicate of themselves. After raising two daughters and two sons I figured out the daughter get the father's brain and personality- and the sons are more like their mothers...I bet you - you are just like your dad...and I also bet your parents are divorced..and when your mother is dealing with you she is dealing with someone similar to your father....Maybe if I am right- dear old dad saw in your mother what you see...just a theory.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:42 PM
 
79 posts, read 69,469 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach View Post
You have a sense of humor. What I know about daughters as compared to sons is...most fathers have a son and think it is some sort of duplicate of themselves. After raising two daughters and two sons I figured out the daughter get the father's brain and personality- and the sons are more like their mothers...I bet you - you are just like your dad...and I also bet your parents are divorced..and when your mother is dealing with you she is dealing with someone similar to your father....Maybe if I am right- dear old dad saw in your mother what you see...just a theory.
Yeii!!!! Exaclty and proud:P
they are not, but my mother always says: "OHH YOU ARE LIKE YOUR FATHER AND WHAT CAN WE DO?!.. anyway" (Like feeling sorry) She says it as if it was the worst thing in the world =/... But yes, my dad and I can undersand what the other feels without saying any word.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:42 PM
 
26,816 posts, read 19,713,993 times
Reputation: 24055
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolinaWoman View Post
ROFL ... Ohiogirl are you a mom?

You are so right ... it's part of the job description. My youngest is 35 years old and lives 700 miles away.

We have our RV parked at his home and I mailed him the license tag renewal a few weeks ago and explained to him ... put this tag on the RV and the registration card inside the RV .... he called and asked "Mom, why do you tell me every year to put the tag on and registration card inside the RV???" I told him ... "I am your mother and it's my job."

All three of my children and my one grandchild just listen to me and then do what they want to do ... of course I get lots of big hugs and kisses.
When my daughter was a teenager and would get annoyed with me for doing mother things, I used to say, "Look, every kid is going to hate her mother at some point. It is my job to give you reasons to do so."
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:44 PM
 
79 posts, read 69,469 times
Reputation: 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
The line I bolded is the key to handling many of life's problems.

Read this book. You are not alone, not by a long shot. Some of it is sad, some is horrifying, some is humorous. When I was reading it and had it on my desk at work, EVERYONE who walked by picked it up and said, "Oh, I should read this." Those people were black, white, Asian Indian, gay, straight, old and young. It's a universal problem.

Amazon.com: How to Manage Your Mother: Understanding the Most Difficult, Complicated, and Fascinating Relationship in Your Life (9780060988333): Alyce Faye Cleese, Brian Bates: Books

Some moms are more controlling than others. I have a friend in her thirties who told me the other day that her mother told her that on Sunday she was having the family over so to bring XYZ. My friend said, "Sorry, mom, but <her husband> and I have other plans." Her mother said, "What could you possibly be doing that you can't come to the family barbecue?" She just had to be firm and not let her mother guilt her. You have to learn to do that, too.
This is my mom. What in the world can be that important that doesn't let you spend time with her?!

Thank you dso much for the help! I'll get the book ASAP.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:48 PM
 
26,816 posts, read 19,713,993 times
Reputation: 24055
Quote:
Originally Posted by CreepyMuse View Post
This is my mom. What in the world can be that important that doesn't let you spend time with her?!

Thank you dso much for the help! I'll get the book ASAP.
I hope you enjoy it. The author is a psychologist who at the time she wrote it was the wife of John Cleese (you are young so I'm not sure if you know who he is--he is most famous because he was part of the Monty Python comedy troupe and then did comedy/movies and is now a motivational speaker). Despite his fame and success in the entertainment world, his mother was angry all his life that he did not become headmaster of a local prestigious boys prep school, as she had planned for him to become.
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Old 06-30-2012, 05:57 PM
 
79 posts, read 69,469 times
Reputation: 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mightyqueen801 View Post
I hope you enjoy it. The author is a psychologist who at the time she wrote it was the wife of John Cleese (you are young so I'm not sure if you know who he is--he is most famous because he was part of the Monty Python comedy troupe and then did comedy/movies and is now a motivational speaker). Despite his fame and success in the entertainment world, his mother was angry all his life that he did not become headmaster of a local prestigious boys prep school, as she had planned for him to become.
I didn't know him, he was Nearly Headless Nick in Harry Potter lol, I didn't know he was a motivational speaker. How his mom reacted is just my mom. I will read the book, I'm sure it will be very helpful.
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Old 07-01-2012, 12:49 PM
 
8,241 posts, read 10,090,544 times
Reputation: 3549
What I find incredibly fascinating is the ANGER that so many American children have against mothers they perceive as "controlling"...and yes, they may have a problem with their child's clothes, or living arrangements, or partner, or drug use, or whatever....but yet so many parents in other cultures seem to have incredibly respectful and obedient children, even though the parents control their every move- they insist on high grades, no partying, no drugs, they even pick out their spouses. It amazes me. No judgement one way or the other...it's just interesting.
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