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Old 09-18-2012, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Naples
2,245 posts, read 2,460,469 times
Reputation: 3619

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Anyone else? I feel like EVERYTHING pisses me off constantly . I walk outside and someones walking their dog, my dog pulls the hell out of me and they just want their dog to say hi to mine. I wanna be like HELL F*&%ing -O do I LOOK like I want my dog playing with yours. I go to work I'm taunted and talked to like I'm an idiot all day. I went to culinary school and my boss literally CLAPS HIS HANDS when we are going to make cupcakes and will be like 'OKAY NOW we're going to make cupcakes"... My other one literally has it out for me (per 3 people who have come to me and told me personally) .. He will eat food off a plate right as I'm walking out to bring it to the servers and I'll have to turn around and go replace it, and he'll just smile a cocky smile. I've spoken with my higher ups, even HR.. nothing has ever been done so I just accept it I guess.
At home my daughter (almost 3) just runs around screaming all day, won't eat , won't sit , won't listen. I cant take her anywhere she wants to get out of the car, if she she doesn't she just screams the entire trip. I feel exasperated I know its normal for kids to throw fits but sometimes I feel like I never got over my post partum. I never get a single day to sleep in because my husband and I have to work completely opposite shifts because my daughter had a "mystery" dislocation of her arm at daycare that no one could explain yet no one called while she was there for 8 hours to tell me it was dislocated. So when I'm not at work getting treated like an idiot or just thinking about quitting every second I'm at home alone (husband works 14 hour days and we do not have any days off together) with a screaming child. I haven't been on any vacation in over just about 5 years . Hubs is going on a mini vaca/scouting trip to NH in 3 weeks for 5 days but I can't go so I'll be home alone with the kid.

The holidays are coming and I don't even care. I just think great husband hasn't been home for any holiday in 6 years and time off is not allowed at his job (law enforcement) so another year alone, who cares. Great can drag the kid to 10 different houses alone while she screams from all the over stimulation and long ride back and forth. Open presents alone again, eat a turkey breast alone, again.. Take the baby trick or treating alone..again... you get the point. I didn't even have a birthday party for her last year because he was at work , I was exhausted and I didn't want to entertain tons of people alone. It just came and went no cake, no presents.. She was young enough to not even know at least. I haven't had a birthday party, even a cupcake given to me on my birthday in AT LEAST 8 years that I can remember (all the years I've been married). I've spent them all alone mostly.

I dunno sorry that was a long rant I just feel like I cannot find happiness in anything. I spend all day screaming at my dogs for chewing things, yelling at my kid to stop jumping on the bed, stop kicking the dog etc etc and in the middle cooking, laundry, cleaning and being exhausted. I feel like I want to get in the car, drive and never come back to either of them. I don't even feel depressed just ANGRY and at irrational things. The weather, if my shirt is wrinkled, the dog is pacing, the water spills.. I feel like I can't get ONE damn day a week , a month a YEAR to just have to myself .. To sleep in past 530 for ONE day , sit actually be able to eat breakfast and then just sit for one day watch tv and nothave to move or tend to anyone or anything. I mean the only time I can even make posts is when I'm on the pot taking 2 mins for myself locked away!

What is this! What is wrong with me!

Last edited by Sweetbottoms; 09-18-2012 at 05:16 PM..
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Old 09-19-2012, 04:48 AM
 
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
3,135 posts, read 1,749,836 times
Reputation: 2287
I feel like this every day, Sweet. I do uinderstand.

They say depression is anger turned inward, every day is a struggle to keep it in. I feel like I'm in a deep, dark hole, getting deeper, and the light is fading every day, more and more.
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Old 09-19-2012, 06:06 AM
 
Location: Baltimore burbs
1,007 posts, read 1,195,045 times
Reputation: 1574
You might be suffering from an agitated depression. I've had many friends who, like you, woke up irritated before the day even started, went through the day raging at petty annoyances that we have no control over, hating everybody and everything. Then they took some anti-depressants and the irritabilitly, the rage, either went away or, was significantly reduced. I'm not saying that anti-depressants are the answer to everyone's woes but, for folks suffering from chronic irritability, they often work wonders. We all get annoyed, there is plenty out there in the world to annoy us BUT, when life becomes one BIG annoyance, when people start avoiding you because you are always pissed off, it's time to consider trying something different. Just my opinion but, life is too short to be miserable if you can do something about it. Consider trying some anti-depressants, if one doesn't work, perhaps another will. But they really can make a difference for extreme anger/irritability. Best of luck.
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Old 09-19-2012, 06:24 AM
 
571 posts, read 434,766 times
Reputation: 1392
Sounds like your situation needs change.

Taking an anti-depressant will only numb your feelings, but it won't change much. You have a toddler and it's a demanding stage. So yes, an anti-depressant may help you ride over this bump. But you have to assess whether you are okay with your situation long-term.

Sometimes feelings of anger can signal a change is needed.

Is there anything you can do about your loneliness? Is there a way you can reach out to other moms to share in the frustrations, trade-off babysitting? If your spouse works on holidays, can you just celebrate on another day/night and make it your own holiday? It's not written anywhere that you HAVE to celebrate a certain way on a certain day. Same thing regarding your kid's bday. Celebrate it whenever it's most convenient. I'm guessing you don't live near family. You can always celebrate when close family is in town.

As for your own bday, don't wait for others to celebrate you. Put a day aside to treat yourself to whatever you like. If money is an issue, go somewhere that relaxes you. Start a journal, write down your thoughts.

You mentioned just wanting to get in the car and drive. That's not terribly rare, particularly with having a child that's at such a demanding age. Spend more time outside. Get some fresh air. Take walks. Put the kid in a stroller or a wagon and get out there. If she's impatient and whiney, tell her what to expect ahead of time. Give her something to look forward to. Bring treats, bring her a book. The smallest of things work.

Make a schedule and put a lot of outdoor activities in there. Exercise helps the mental state and puts problems in perspective. Make Wednesdays your park night and pack a dinner for you and your daughter (if your spouse isn't around).

Don't get mired in the drudgery of daily life. If your daughter is screaming and running around in the house, frustrating you and making you feel trapped, take it outside. Let her run around while you read a magazine or bring your laptop.

Try to do things differently - try out different things, see what works.
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Old 09-19-2012, 08:16 AM
 
Location: AZ
741 posts, read 603,411 times
Reputation: 1419
It's okay to vent and you sound perfectly normal to me! I have been through a LOT as a mom to 6 kids who are all about 1 or 2 years apart... My ex husband was always at work--my current husband is always at work..My youngest kid is now 11 so I dont have any screaming toddlers anymore, but I went through hell for years of being alone with the kids..I am a raving ***** myself..Sometimes I wonder if Im possessed, not by 1 but multiple demons because my anger at people, NOT MY KIDS, but other people like strangers that cut me off or give me a dirty look, etc..I could easily punch someone in the face--knock someone out--very very easily if they messed with my kids or my hubby..
The point is..life is stressful and stress can cause a lot of frustration and anger! I recently took an 8 month break from this CD forum because I got so pissed off by a few idiots that always want to argue on here..so, I am recently back but thinking of leaving again because I am always being dissected and ridiculed by about 3 people..

Good luck with your anger and everything!!
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Old 09-19-2012, 08:54 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
5,721 posts, read 6,334,623 times
Reputation: 10455
The reason you're feeling like this is that you just have too much to deal with right now. You're burning the candle at both ends. When your spouse works opposite of you and you have a baby, it makes it hard for anyone to get enough sleep. It's pretty common to feel lonely too. Some of that is probably your husband's schedule, some of it is probably just that men don't get subtle hints about birthdays. When I want something for my birthday, I tell my husband exactly what it is. I text him a reminder two weeks before my birthday, and again a week before. I send him a picture of what I want. The day before my birthday, I ask if he got it yet. I learned to do it this way after 10 years of waiting for him to remember my birthday and figure out what I wanted.

It will get easier as your daughter gets older. They usually turn out to be better company than husbands and you will enjoy celebrating holidays with her. Your husband will probably make more of an effort to be around for holidays when your daughter is old enough to remember them. I wish I had some advice for now.

One thing though, for some people depression feels like anger. Meds might help a little bit, but in the end you need to find the spots in your schedule where you can free up some time for yourself. Maybe a different daycare for your daughter, maybe just hiring a sitter for her for one of your days off every now and then so you have some alone time.
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Old 09-19-2012, 11:27 AM
 
3,563 posts, read 2,980,923 times
Reputation: 5424
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetbottoms View Post
...What is this! What is wrong with me!
You sound perfectly normal to me as well!

I would be ticked too.

But consulting my crystal ball... I see in your future that the 3 year old will soon grow up and will be easier to deal with. And your husband may at some time in the future get promoted or get a bit of seniority and may be able to switch to days. Maybe will have some holidays off.

For now could you get a babysitter for 24 hours and take a day off? Go do whatever your little heart desires? Maybe stay a night in a hotel somewhere?

Also might want to check out the "Parenting" forum here. They might not have any solutions to all that screaming, but as they say "misery enjoys company". Maybe reading about what some of those other kids do might make you feel that things are not so bad.

Hope things get better!
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Old 09-19-2012, 11:46 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,851 posts, read 17,682,962 times
Reputation: 18973
It sounds like a lot of your unhappiness stems from being tired.

Everyday we have the choice how we wish to respond to the events that surround us. Although many of the things you describe are difficult, you must try NOT to let these things "get" to you. Many diseases are caused or made worse by stress, and being constantly angry is not good for a person. I find that keeping a sense of humor and trying to find something funny about bad circumstances helps.

I don't have any suggestions regarding your kid. I am blissfully childfree for a reason, and your description of your daughter reminds me why. LOL I suppose you could try to get some relative (granny maybe) to take the kid for a couple of days per week so you can get some much-needed rest. I am certain that getting some sleep will definitely improve your outlook on life. I get a little pissy myself when I don't get enough sleep.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 09-19-2012, 12:27 PM
 
Location: stuck
1,323 posts, read 2,205,935 times
Reputation: 1155
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweetbottoms View Post
Anyone else?
yes. me. i often tell my wife that i am the most angry person to ever walk the earth. atleast that is what i feel like. ive been known to start fights with people for chewing gum too loud.....i fight with my neighbor over the property line (all though he is the a-hole, im sure of it, in this particular situation). i have a newborn at home, who i love unconditionally, but i have no patience for his screaming fits. when he has his fits i lose my mind and get all irrational, then i end up having to apologize to my wife for saying what i said while enraged. i am always stricken with guilt for the horrific things that i think and say about people. i have a good solid gov't job, a hot wife who i have been with for 10 years, and a healthy baby boy. i should be smiling ear to ****ing ear. yet i am also constantly plagued with anger. so long story short sweetbottoms, i feel for you. you sound very overwhelmed. which is how i often feel trying to juggle all of the increasing responsibilities that come with adulthood.
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Old 09-19-2012, 11:48 PM
 
Location: Sol System
1,415 posts, read 1,676,948 times
Reputation: 937
I am that way , to an extent. My triggers are dealing with the public , not everyone , but those who are arrogant , nonsensical , illogical , and 'lost in the moment'. I picked up the art of fishing , and it was fine at first , but I still find myself being pissed in Gondwanaland , at times. 99% of the time , things are fine , but when those who are intent on having 'fun' with no regard to others enter the picture , all bets are off. Sometime I wonder whether or not I'm enroute to becoming a serial killer , setting traps and stalking idiots to relieve stress. Truthfully , I couldn't do such a thing , personal morality/logic prevents it , plus the fact that everyone is/was a brother , mother , father , et al. Now I take my trips during torrential downpours , snowstorms , late nights when I take off from work , and the dead of winter. That turned out to be the ticket , I'm truly at peace with everything. I prefer solitude , albeit some of the places I go , I'd prefer at least 1 to 3 others there in case of issues. I went to one spot I'd never been to before , and will likely not return. It was reminiscent of 'Wrong Turn' , 9 miles down a dirt road , and deep within NF lands. Even then , idiots were there , making empty threats of 'shooting me with AR 15's' , and just generally redneck behavior. It's like the phenonema exacerbates with the passage of time. An episode of 'Finding Bigfoot' was filmed there , this likely has alot to do with the infiltration. I imagine the area got an economic boost , but at what price? It's starting to become too much of a tourist destination , with the 'lost in the moment' , cellphone addicted , dumbass mofos. My advice to you is to make time for yourself , by any means necessary. Granted , I am an unattached man without kids , thus overall the advice may/may not be worth a damn , but at least try it. Lastly , keep your head up!!
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