Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a friend who just can't cope with life. I believe he has undiagnosed depression, which runs in his family. His mom has finally gotten on meds and says the past 60 years were like having mud in her brain, and now she can finally think clearly. He often says similar things about feeling cloudy or muddy, but he accepts it as normal.
He is also riddled with anxiety. He is terrified to drive, or even ride a bike. He can't think on his feet when people ask him questions. He gets so flustered so easily. Self confidence is a total pipe dream. He's a great person once he gets to know you, but that's a long slow process.
Recently, something happened and he reacted with such anger that it shocked us both. He has finally admitted that he needs some sort of help but doesn't even know where to start. He's skeptical of mental health professionals being able to help him, but he's willing to give it "one try".
How do I go about helping him find someone. Should we look for a certain type of psychiatrist? Or a behavioral therapist? I just feel so lost here.
That is pretty much it. Whatever his or his family's health insurance covers.
A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who can prescribe medicine. Being as his mother was helped with medicine and has similar symptoms, perhaps that would be the better choice?
Also a regular medical doctor can make a referral.
And many county health departments offer free or low cost counseling if no insurance. In my area, they also have someone on staff who can prescribe medicine if needed.
As a mental healthcare recipient of over 17 years allow me to offer my opinion based on experience. First of all be an informed and educated consumer before becoming a participant. The field of psychiatry I have come to learn (I'm a 17 year widely experienced RN) is based on theory. The doctors of psychiatry theorize their are chemical imbalances in the brain causing multiple "diseases" that are increasing by the hundreds over the years. There is absolutely no scientific proof beyond the tests the drug companies sponsor. Rather than go into my horror story that brought me to my knees by the hand of trustful mental health doctors of which I am currently rising above, allow me to recommend that you google trustworthy sources. Ask a lot of questions, just like you are now. It is the role of the psychiatrist to prescribe medication. That is their only purpose, period. They charge you a couple to several hundred dollars to get your background and make an "educated" theory on what your diagnosis should be. From that reported subjective information they subjectively decide which medication to prescribe. So if you visit a psychiatrist he will diagnose and prescribe then the following visits are for medication management, not therapy. Are the drugs working? No? Let's try increasing the dose, let's add another medication. They have awful side effects that often don't show up for years. Just read websites from antidepressant withdrawal, benzodiazapine withdrawal for those on meds for anxiety and panic attack. It'll scare your socks off. I lived through it.
Life is often tough even miserable at times, yet a pill is no cure (there is no cure for any "mental illness") It takes willpower, empathy and support systems to overcome despair and anxiousness, but those are normal life occurrences. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been beneficial for many that endure life's ups and downs. Psychologists are great listeners. Try one out until you find the one that fits your needs, took me a few visits with different professionals.
Your friend is lucky to have such a caring person in his life. Best Wishes!
Thanks everyone. His insurance is pretty comprehensive and covers a lot of things... we just don't know where to start. But I guess a cognitive therapist might be helpful. I know he doesn't want to be on meds, but he will if he has to. But I don't think he wants to try that right off the bat.
Thanks again.
I will add that a good therapist, or counselor will be a good first step. Perhaps the anger issues would be a first opening and a good counselor will refer your friend as he discloses the other things he has/is experiencing.
The biggest first step is his admitting that he may need help. That is a very good start and you are a very caring friend.
Good luck on this and please keep us posted on his progress. There are often folks learning things from what is posted on these forums that help them without our ever knowing.
Your friend is fortunate to have insurance. Many folks who do not have insurance should seek out local social service agency's that usually have sliding scale fees.
Many of these County agencies have in house counselors available and an appointment may start with an intake interview and an initial appointment. Many also have ongoing support groups.
Also, looking in your local phone book, online or the local newspaper for lists of support groups is a good step in getting help. Support groups range from anger management, grief and loss, domestic abuse, drug and alcohol support, anxiety or a whole gambit of other mental or emotional issues. Search your location using the words support group and the other terms that apply.
Word of mouth from other supportive folks, sometimes going through similar life experiences can lead folks to the most helpful counselors and/or programs. I believe they can be very effective, supportive and rewarding as we heal from whatever negative life issues we are experiencing. Good luck on this.
Here is an example of a very comprehensive National website for mental health: NAMI...There will be menus on this link that offer you the ability to search for local mental health agencies and/or professional options http://www.nami.org/
Last edited by JanND; 04-10-2013 at 06:17 AM..
Reason: added link
Thank you, Jan. Your post was extremely helpful.
My friend is super super intelligent and we've spent countless hours theorizing and analyzing and talking, and we both "get" where a lot of his issues stem from. The problem is in the practical application, which is why I am shying away from talk therapy for him. He already seems stuck in theory and we talk about things ad nauseum. For instance, he knows logically how to drive and has somehow gotten a license, but he is a heart beat away from a full on panic attack behind the wheel. No matter how many times he tries. It's hard to watch. We've talked and figured out where it all comes from, but he just has no way to deal with it. And he's tried everything (on his own).
He does have a lot of anger, and he is very detached. Before I really knew him, I would have said for certain that he had Asperger's (or was somewhere on the spectrum) just by the way he talks at you and doesn't read facial social clues. He's impervious to hints, or just reads them incorrectly. I know there is a lot of work to be done, which is why we both feel so lost - but your advice to start with the one thing, the anger, is extremely helpful. One step at a time. Thank you.
Psychiatrist for a medication consult, and a psychologist for therapy and psychological testing.
...or a masters-level counselor, such as a Clinical Social Worker or a Professional Counselor. Services from many of these professionals are covered by most insurance plans. In particular, many Clinical Social Workers are Medicare and/or Medicaid providers. If you friend is uninsured, these professionals often have lower fees that psychologists (and certainly lower that psychiatrists.) Counselors can help a client decide if an assessment for medication is a good idea, and can refer him/her to a psychiatric, if need be.
How nice of you to be helping your friend as best you can!!!!
He's lucky to have you in his life!!!!
I think the first step should be to see a primary care physician and have a complete physical, just to rule out that what's going on is being caused by a physical ailment/condition.
The more forthcoming he is to his PCP, the better the PCP will know who to refer him to.
If he is suffering from clinical depression, or perhaps another kind of mood disorder, then a Pdoc (psychiatrist) is best qualified to make that diagnosis and to provide the proper treatment.
While it's true that a prescribing Pdoc's ongoing main function is medication management, a good one will also make a point of having at least a general idea of what's going on in the patient's life, in order to ascertain what is situational (appropriate to what's going on in the patient's life) and what is a result of a chemical imbalance (one's moods and reactions having no basis in reality.)
Mine is excellent in this regard.
Again, the more forthcoming the patient is, the better able the healthcare professional will be to help them.
I am very pro-active with my Pdoc.
I have some very trying things going on in my life right now and my Pdoc takes that into account, when prescribing my medication and making suggestions as to how to lessen any negative impact that my problems are having on my mental health.
I am also completely involved in deciding what medications I take.
If my Pdoc prescribes one and I don't want to take it, I have the final say.
Self confidence may seems like nothing more than a pipe dream at the moment, but I do think it is indeed in the realm of possibility!!
Certainly it is too soon to determine that self confidence can never be achieved.
I'm not a doctor, but I'll play one here anyway!!!!
(As long as you don't take my advice as having any merit beyond being my opinion!!!)
IF your friend's diagnosis does turn out to require psychiatric care, I hope that entering into counseling as an adjunct is considered and discussed with either or both the PCP and the Pdoc.
Growing up with a parent who suffers from an untreated mental illness can sometimes cause psychological problems.
And dealing with one's own symptoms can even be a heavy mental burden to care in ways that are best dealt with in a therapeutic setting.
An assessment could be made and maybe it will be determined that no therapy/counseling is needed, or that maybe just short term therapy can help as much as is necessary or perhaps a long course of therapy will help your friend to be 'all that he can be'.
I have had counseling and found it extremely helpful.
And I am under the care of a Pdoc and take medication and will always have to (in all likelihood.)
The thought of having a chronic mental illness is NOT a happy thing -- but oh, my gosh!!! Can the right treatment make a difference!!!
And if your friend DOES have a chronic mental illness (or a chronic ANY kind of illness), it's already there, whether he is diagnosed with it or not.
Getting such a diagnosis can seem devastating at the time but, in reality, it's really the best thing that can happen, as it means that now the problem can be treated and the quality of life and the level of happiness of the patient can improve significantly!!
One of the conditions I 'suffer' from is GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder.)
So I know how your friend feels in that regard, at least to some degree.
There are a lot of 'self-help' tricks and tips and practices that people use to help reduce their anxiety level.
Google around and see if any of them prove helpful to your friend!!!!
I have little success with some of the recommendations -- listening to soothing music, taking a brisk walk or using some other form of mild exercise, keeping a gratitude journal, and/or completely cutting caffeine out of one's diet, etc., etc., etc.
I have moderate success with consciously paying attention to my breathing and forcing myself to do it naturally (when anxious, my breathing grows quicker and more shallow) and by relaxing the muscles that tend to tense up when I'm nervous.)
But far and away, medication helps me the most. And it helps a LOT!!!
I think it's best if one can successfully use the self-help methods!!!
But if that's not the case, then perhaps medication should be considered.
Again, you're a great friend!!!
I wish you and your friend all the best luck in leading him to a happier place!!!
And I'm glad his mom is doing better, too!!! Finally!! After so many years!!
I hope that seeing how much she was helped will be motivating to him!!!
Good luck!!
(((((Hugs)))))
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
