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I do know who I am, and how I'm doing okay. I'm also very stubborn, which has zero to do the bp2. Get on my stubborn radar and your done with me. But that's from DAD. Mom got tired of us arguing. Nothing to do with any 'condition', just matching temperments.
I'm not 'looking' but if someone came along I'd hope they saw me not a label. If they did I don't need their kind. And I'd expect them to respect my foiblels, like needing my alone time. Relationships are give and take. If one or both parties can't, its not a relationship. They are about the stuff you share love of together and the things you 'get' about each other. And when you have a bad one, its really hard to convince yourself it worth trying, be it with someone who is just mean or bp and displaying sumptoms. My last one was, looking back, a train wreak. He was the one who destroyed it. No more train wreaks if I spot the signs in him.
Jody Arias is a women who killed because she wanted to and used a condition as an excuse. She's homicidal. Whatever condition she has she remains a dangerous person. How dare you compare her to women who happen to be bp2, and suggest she represents them.
I know quite well who I am and how I work and should I decide I'm interested in a relationship with someone, my consideration of if he 'qualifies' will have nothing to do with my mood but his attitude and if he thinks I'm not for him, GOOD, since then nobody gets hurt over it later.
I know several people who are disposed to tantrums and drama and control who I avoid since they are, and guess what? They AREN'T bp at all. Just have tempers which simmer at a flicker of the flame. So maybe instead of accusing everyone who is bp2 of being unliveable, pick what it is in attitude/behavior you find unliveable and when some woman shows to be like that, condition or now, maybe bow out.
And in an interpersonal relationship you can't make that other person like you want, but have to accept that they are imperfect and YOU are too, and if both do and give space when space is needed, then maybe you have a chance.
Just don't stick labels on people you don't even know and *assume*. Very bad karma there.
The "awwww it's an illness disease..." label isn't helping anyone either.
The "only a prescribed doctor can know for sure..." isn't helping anyone.
WEIRD IS WEIRD...get that into your head. When you see screaming out of nowhere...it's weird.
In the long run, we are judged by OUR ACTIONS!!! Those actions speak louder that any diagnosis you can find.
I know a behemoth of a guy (think Hawk from "The Road Warriors" if you are into wrestling) who beat the heck out of his wife, and he is a bipolar 2 and a schizo. He is under treatment and still he beat the heck out of his wife, because he used to think she was cheating on him. She was at the supermarket and he beat the hell out of her at the supermarket because he swears by God he saw her cheating on him. Do you think this woman deserves this life? Oh...but she's labeling him...oh my.. God forbid...
Jody Arias screaming "I love him" when she killed her boyfriend...guess what? The jury didn't buy the "label" of "illness".
You take everything said in here personally. I'm talking from my experience. One of my friends is a bipolar (I don't know the type) you will never suspect there is nothin' wrong with him. He had an issue at his work where "he lost it". He got fired. He took matters into hands and now he is under treatment. He has a nice job, a wife and a kid. No episodes. Some weird decisions but he is aware of his condition.
Yeah I know, ain't perfect, but you know what? I know how to take care of my imperfections. I'm ADD and I have trouble not multitasking. I'm hyperactive as well. I don't yell at people because of my ADD or hyper...I don't hit on women because I'm hyper. Sure back in 2001 I had a GAD because a girlfriend with depression problem was making me uncomfortable...but that's another story.
Some bipolars don't know and not knowing is very dangerous. That leads to divorces, often more than one, and in some extreme cases...even the morgue or jail, for them or for the ones close to them.
If you have a mental illness, you need to take care of things. The advise of doctors is often misleading: if you get angry well don't talk to that person, avoid situations that can make you angry...sometimes you cannot do that: a coworker, a boss for instance.
You can tell label or no label when things are getting someplace dangerous.
A girl screaming "I'm a loose cannon" with a crazy look on her face...weeeell....not my thing really.
Sorry, not to diss anybody but a relationship with people who cannot behave properly...label or no labels, bipolars or borderline, in the end crazy is crazy and you don't need a Harvard's degree to acknowledge that.
To all of you out there taking steps into your recovery: WE SALUTE YOU ! you are the champions because you have the wisdom to acknowledge the problem.
Physical illness doesn't always go away when your 'treated' or get a shot either, and sometimes they leave life long conditions which also don't go away too. And sometimes those problems can make you frustrated and depressed and even angry at your fate. Would you cross everyone with effects from physical illness they'll have to live with off you list too, just because they aren't 'perfect'?
People with daily problems needing to be overcome can be some of the strongest and most grounded people too, since they see the dasies and the sunshine AND know the storms and the hard times too.
I got sick at seventeen. The initial problem became life threatening and after years got resolved, but the results still impacts my life daily. But its made me into a much more careful, and thoughtful person who looks forward but doesn't obsess that something bad might happen tomorrow. How can you enjoy today if you do?
Eventually life works where some physical limitation comes and won't go and you'll have to deal with it and I hope you've learned how before then. Otherwise its a pity party time.
Honestly, if I do end up crippled, it would be a double edged sword for me. Yeah it would hurt, but it would also allow more attention to be directed at me from others, making me feel better mentally.
It doesn't have to be mental illness. I've gotten cautious around anyone who presents with "problems" early on in a frienship. Wea all have problems. We all, at some point in our lives, cope with illness. Life is hard. But friendships, for me, need to be give and take. If they get unbalanced and stay that way, they are too draining.
For most of my life I was very giving. Then I was badly injured in a car accident. I am recovering from a brain injury and back/neck/shoulder injuries. Part of my recovery is getting out there and having fun, living a life that is as normal as possible. And not giving all of my energy away. I've started setting boundaries with people who, for whatever reason, can't give me the space I need to recover. Professional help for me has been the key to getting well. There is nothing wrong with seeing a doctor if you need one for any reason. Friends can offer support, but only to a certain extent.
One of my good friends is mentally ill. Highly anxious, clingy, needy, poor personal boundaries...We used to enjoy travelling together and hanging out. That was when I was physically strong and not struggling with fatigue. Now I can't cope with someone who calls me at all hours, panics when plans change, wakes me up constantly when we travel together.... I still care, but if I don't care for myself, no one else willl. So I have to put people like her at a distance.
Honestly, if I do end up crippled, it would be a double edged sword for me. Yeah it would hurt, but it would also allow more attention to be directed at me from others, making me feel better mentally.
Do you honestly think if you had a disabling disease, one where you couldn't be physically independent, more people would come to your aid? It's the exact opposite dear, you will find most "friends" will run in the other direction. Like attracts like unfortunately, and people aren't as willing to deal with others emotional or physical ailments. This is coming from personal experience. It's understandable, people lack empathy but also have their own problems and lives to lead. The best thing for anyone to do is realize with an emotional or physical ailment is to seek medical treatment. Otherwise, you depend on others to make everything "better" and people tire of that quickly.
SilverPlatter, read the above link. You come off as an ignorant individual who has not a true grasp of reality. When you brought up being crippled, it seems as though for you it would be a blessing. To me that is a troubling way of looking at things. I was attempting to shed some light on a topic you clearly have little knowledge of unless you personally experienced it yourself. Every comment you have made deals with you wanting "free" help. I'm a caregiver by trade, and I have much empathy and compassion for people. However, dealing with my own physical matters have made it more difficult and draining to deal with "energy suckers". I bid you farewell and much luck on your quest for "free" help.
Having mental illness has caused many people to desert me- I suffer with borderline personality disorder. Most people are not very tolerant of those who are mentally challenged. Its best to get help- begin to rebuild your life and move on. Meet new people, tell them with honesty that you have been diagnosed, seeking treatment, and value their friendship. Its a long road for those of us with mental health problems, and by no means easy.
This. I've been having this problem for years now, but I can't cut it off. I know it's harmful, I know it's destroying me, but I care too much for them. I don't know how to properly explain this.. but it seems like whenever a particular friend of mine is having trouble or is showing a hint of suicidal thought, I go into this state of utter and complete panic. It's all internal though. I internally panic. I feel anxious when they dont call me back or are too quiet (i always assume the worst) I feel anxious always around them. It feels like it's my fault if theyre having a hard time and I wasnt around for them. It feels horrible and terrifying. I want to tear my skin up because maybe that would hurt less. I cannot calm down either. What is this? Being there for them hurts, and being away also hurts.. What exactly is this? Can anyone help? It's getting worse and I have no idea what to do...
-Rei0
This. I've been having this problem for years now, but I can't cut it off. I know it's harmful, I know it's destroying me, but I care too much for them. I don't know how to properly explain this.. but it seems like whenever a particular friend of mine is having trouble or is showing a hint of suicidal thought, I go into this state of utter and complete panic. It's all internal though. I internally panic. I feel anxious when they dont call me back or are too quiet (i always assume the worst) I feel anxious always around them. It feels like it's my fault if theyre having a hard time and I wasnt around for them. It feels horrible and terrifying. I want to tear my skin up because maybe that would hurt less. I cannot calm down either. What is this? Being there for them hurts, and being away also hurts.. What exactly is this? Can anyone help? It's getting worse and I have no idea what to do...
-Rei0
It would be helpful to know the nature of your friendship with this person.
But with this little info, I would suggest that you might be involved in a co dependant relationship. Some of the signs are lack of boundaries, low self esteem, a need to control and taking an unhealthy caretaker role. These relationships tend to be very dysfunctional (as you are experiencing).
I suggest that you join a support group (like NAMI) and get some positive helpful feedback on how to handle your sometimes suicidal friend.
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