Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I've been struggling with the recovery from booze myself since at least 1984 and have almost 10 years of complete abstinence under my belt. I am an expert with this notion of a "bottom" and for alcoholics like me, there is no bottom. It just keeps going down. Underneath every bottom is a trap door.
Some alcoholics would say they quit drinking for good after they hit bottom. Or, in order to quit, they had to have hit bottom.
I have no problem with hitting a bottom and giving sobriety a go. All I'm saying about this bottom, is that it's not long-lasting. We heal up pretty quick.
To the OP, what you may have learned from this depends on a question; did he behave like this before you met him and you missed it? Or did he become an alcoholic on your watch? If the later, then you have nothing to worry about. Move forward and don't look back. If the former, how are you going to keep from meeting another like him? Statistics show that the odds are not in your favor.
If the solution was to just ostricize the alcoholic/addict and know that living with them would be torture, then the alcoholic would have died off from our race thousands of years ago. How's that working today?
the alcoholic would have died off from our race thousands of years ago. How's that working today?
I wonder how many alcoholic people there were in North American prior to 1500 BCE. I wonder how that compares to the rate of alcoholism amongst "native" Americans today.
I knew he drank a lot however I thought it was situational due to divorce he had not come to terms with. I did not realize the pill addiction due to his medical problems. He would take them by the handfuls and drink, puke, claw at himself.
He would eat massive amounts of food. The largest dish sop would last 3 loads of dishes, same with laundry soap. Everything he did was an excess. He was always a very angry person unless he was drinking. He would straighten up but I knew he was drinking when I slept or worked. He smoked 3 or 4 packs of cigarettes a day. And lie and lie and lie, even when he knew I knew he lied.
He said it was due to the Army and things he did. I don't believe everything he told me. He was arrested impersonating a Texas Ranger. He said he was a Srgt. Major, he lied he was a Sargent.
I wonder how many alcoholic people there were in North American prior to 1500 BCE. I wonder how that compares to the rate of alcoholism amongst "native" Americans today.
Good question. It's my understanding that the Italians and Jewish folks have been around beer and wine for maybe 7500 years or so... low incidence of alcoholism amongst them too. Hard liquor has only been around some 300 or so years, thanks to the Scotch/Irish. The Native Americans taught the Scotch/Irish of the Appalacian Mountains how to fight terrorist-style, which enabled them to defeat the Brits. The Irish in turn, taught the Indians how to drink... or not so much. Being that the Native Americans/Eskimos have only been around the stuff for some 300 years, they have a very high incidence of alcoholism. They will continue to until their race dies off somewhat or until they adapt to it and get down to that minimum 10% of their population.
This is a theory and one I believe in. Source? Under the Influence, a good book on the subject.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shh1313
I knew he drank a lot however I thought it was situational due to divorce he had not come to terms with. I did not realize the pill addiction due to his medical problems. He would take them by the handfuls and drink, puke, claw at himself.
He would eat massive amounts of food. The largest dish sop would last 3 loads of dishes, same with laundry soap. Everything he did was an excess. He was always a very angry person unless he was drinking. He would straighten up but I knew he was drinking when I slept or worked. He smoked 3 or 4 packs of cigarettes a day. And lie and lie and lie, even when he knew I knew he lied.
So you married into this knowingly and thought he'd snap out of it or that you could fix him? Good. I was worried that you were saying you drove him to drink... aka it happened on your watch after you married him. Not the case. Good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shh1313
He said it was due to the Army and things he did. I don't believe everything he told me. He was arrested impersonating a Texas Ranger. He said he was a Srgt. Major, he lied he was a Sargent.
So he lied to you and you have no reason to trust him. Good. You have every reason to leave him and not let him harm you anymore. You might pray for him going forward just for your own sake and I wouldn't look back but still not easy. Sorry you went through this.
When I left I only took a few clothes, my makeup and my dog. I have absolutely none of my favorite things I collected, not even pictures. I just have to get past the crying and find a job.
Still I wonder why people are so manipulative and self centered? And why was I so stupid to believe I could fix stupid, and sick, and actually love this person? Why did I even try?
What have I learned? Stay away from drunks no matter what they say. They do not want help. If you are in a relationship with an abuser of drugs and alcohol, the first chance you get leave the state no matter what and never ever believe them.
If he does succeed in killing himself will I go to the funeral? Most likely not. I am glad we have no children with this man.
The night he beat the crap out of me he lay in the emergency room with high blood pressure and stomach problems while I was getting stitches.
The thing is people, our friends asked me what I said to **** him off ? The police never even arrested him.
The Dr at Darnell said it happens every day it is all to common with vets and the resources are stretched to thin.
If you are in this situation ladies you will have to go this alone, I realize now how close I came to death. I was one of the lucky ones.
I understand your pain...He's manipulative because he can be..if you allow it.,,You believed in him because you loved him and trully hoped you could help him. It doesn't mean you're stupid...only that you care, and you tried because you really wanted to help him to be happy in life...It's not your fault that he's not willing to accept that he has a problem, and seek help
....Although I realize the many material things (pictures etc) that you've left behind meant a lot to you, realize that they are not worth having if it's at the expense of your well being and happiness....I'm very sorry that you're going through this...and glad to hear that you've decided to leave this toxic relationship behind. Things can only get better now...concentrate on yourself ...you've given enough to this man...make yourself number one now, don't cry, don't feel ANY guilt about leaving him,..it may sound harsh, but there comes a time when for your own good you gotta just walk away...and that doesn't mean you've stopped caring, just that you're also caring for yourself..........................wishing only good things for you...
Yes I believe he has PTSD. I had a friend in another state where I am staying. He doesn't want help. All he does is lie,lie, lie. My credit is ruined. He has stolen my wallet and told me I lost it. He is violent. He has started fires. He was cruel to the animals. Then tells me its all in my head. His doctor knows he abuses the pills and alcohol. He has even set himself on fire.
I don't believe anything he says. I have prayed, reasoned and begged. I have a 4 inch scar on my face. I am to the point I hope he kills himself. I won't feel sorry.
This is very serious and more than just mere alcoholism. He is mentally ill, and a danger to you. You MUST leave for your physical, as well as your emotional well-being. This is especially important since you are getting no support or help from the local authorities, who refuse to arrest him.
If there is a battered woman's shelter near your home or near where you are now staying, call them and see what help they can offer. There also might be a sibling, other relative, or close friend who would harbor you for a few weeks until you figure out what to do and where to live next. If you must go back home to pick up personal belongings, do NOT do so alone. But long-term, you must stay away and, if there are children involved, find a place for them as well. He may never get better, but with space, safety, time, and probably a lot of therapy, you can. But this is a danagerous situation and you have to find a safe and sane place for yourself first, before you can eve think about helping your husband.
My husband has overdosed again on pills and alcohol. I left him last week and am in another state because of this. He won't get help. The police in small town Texas did not attempt to break any windows or doors, they waited til his daughter came and broke in. He was sent to the hospital and went AMA.
I am tired of the lies, drinking and drugging. I am tired of slamming doors. Whydoes he manipulate me and his friends, his family.
Because he can. Because you all let yourselves be manipulated by him.
Q: How can you tell when an addict is lying? A: His lips are moving
Quote:
Originally Posted by shh1313
He is a veteran has very good insurance . Not only has he scarred me physically but also emotionally. I don' even have pity left to give.
Whats next?
You just keep doing the same thing over and over again, or you make up your mind to do something different. You could start with attending some Al-Anon meetings or speaking with a therapist.
"If you're always gonna do what you always did, you're always gonna get what you always got."
When I left I only took a few clothes, my makeup and my dog. I have absolutely none of my favorite things I collected, not even pictures. I just have to get past the crying and find a job.
Still I wonder why people are so manipulative and self centered? And why was I so stupid to believe I could fix stupid, and sick, and actually love this person? Why did I even try?
What have I learned? Stay away from drunks no matter what they say. They do not want help. If you are in a relationship with an abuser of drugs and alcohol, the first chance you get leave the state no matter what and never ever believe them.
If he does succeed in killing himself will I go to the funeral? Most likely not. I am glad we have no children with this man.
The night he beat the crap out of me he lay in the emergency room with high blood pressure and stomach problems while I was getting stitches.
The thing is people, our friends asked me what I said to **** him off ? The police never even arrested him.
The Dr at Darnell said it happens every day it is all to common with vets and the resources are stretched to thin.
If you are in this situation ladies you will have to go this alone, I realize now how close I came to death. I was one of the lucky ones.
They are not your friends.
This is not your fault. There is nothing you can do or stop doing to make him stop drinking and drugging. He does those things for one reason only: He is an addict. You didn't cause it, you can't control it or cure it. You don't possess that power.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
